sitc/nlp/moviereviews.tsv

1	label	review
2	neg	how do films like mouse hunt get into theatres ? isn't there a law or something ? this diabolical load of claptrap from steven speilberg's dreamworks studio is hollywood family fare at its deadly worst . mouse hunt takes the bare threads of a plot and tries to prop it up with overacting and flat-out stupid slapstick that makes comedies like jingle all the way look decent by comparison . writer adam rifkin and director gore verbinski are the names chiefly responsible for this swill . the plot , for what its worth , concerns two brothers ( nathan lane and an appalling lee evens ) who inherit a poorly run string factory and a seemingly worthless house from their eccentric father . deciding to check out the long-abandoned house , they soon learn that it's worth a fortune and set about selling it in auction to the highest bidder . but battling them at every turn is a very smart mouse , happy with his run-down little abode and wanting it to stay that way . the story alternates between unfunny scenes of the brothers bickering over what to do with their inheritance and endless action sequences as the two take on their increasingly determined furry foe . whatever promise the film starts with soon deteriorates into boring dialogue , terrible overacting , and increasingly uninspired slapstick that becomes all sound and fury , signifying nothing . the script becomes so unspeakably bad that the best line poor lee evens can utter after another run in with the rodent is : " i hate that mouse " . oh cringe ! this is home alone all over again , and ten times worse . one touching scene early on is worth mentioning . we follow the mouse through a maze of walls and pipes until he arrives at his makeshift abode somewhere in a wall . he jumps into a tiny bed , pulls up a makeshift sheet and snuggles up to sleep , seemingly happy and just wanting to be left alone . it's a magical little moment in an otherwise soulless film . a message to speilberg : if you want dreamworks to be associated with some kind of artistic credibility , then either give all concerned in mouse hunt a swift kick up the arse or hire yourself some decent writers and directors . this kind of rubbish will just not do at all .
3	neg	some talented actresses are blessed with a demonstrated wide acting range while others , almost as gifted , have more limited types of parts for which they are suitable . as was amply evident after basic instinct , sharon stone can play sensual roles with great abandon . rejecting her natural abilities , she has spent the rest of her entire career trying with little success to play against type . gloria is her latest disaster . babe ruth didn't quit baseball after one season to play football in a quixotic quest to prove his athletic dexterity , and neither should stone reject what she does best . janeane garofalo , for example , is no less wonderful an actress because she could have never pulled off stone's part in basic instinct ; neither is stone any less talented because she couldn't do garofalo's comedic roles . gloria , directed by respected director sidney lumet and adapted by steve antin from the 1980 screenplay by john cassavetes , was not screened in advance for critics , almost always a sign that the studio isn't behind the picture . after seeing it in a nearly empty audience after it opened , it is clear why they held it from the press . it is a film more to be endured than enjoyed . as the story opens , an angry gloria ( stone ) is being released from prison after 3 years confinement . she's got a bad attitude and a big mouth . she also has a bad case of wavering and overblown new york accents , a disease suffered by much of the rest of the cast . an annoying child actor named jean-luke figueroa plays a soon-to-be orphan named nicky . just before his whole family is gunned down by hoods working for gloria's ex-boyfriend kevin ( jeremy northam ) , nicky's dad gives him a banana yellow floppy disk with secrets about kevin's operation and offers him a piece of fatherly advice . " be a man , " his father lectures him sternly . " don't trust nobody . not no broads . nobody . " most of the film's leaden dialog is delivered with the emotive power of the automated time and temperature announcements . add in the movie's almost non-existent background noise and the excruciatingly slow pacing , and you can hear the sounds of the lines falling to the ground like stones . lumet places his actors in the frames like fruit in a still life painting . they stand awkwardly mouthing the stiff sentences that pass for discourse . ( " say you're my baby , " kevin coos demandingly . " i'm not gonna , " gloria pouts back . ) the movie has a plethora of logical flaws and implausibilites . the kid rarely seems the least bit worried or scared , no matter how many people are after him with guns , trying to kill him . and in one key scene , the yellow floppy he holds is assumed to be the right disk without checking it and is further assumed never to have been copied . gloria , who keeps saying how she hates kids , takes nicky under her wing and protects him from kevin and the bad guys . think her maternal instincts will show up before the movie finally and predictably ends ? if you don't know the answer , you may be just the right viewer for this film . you have to say this for stone : she can keep a straight face . when explaining life to a 7-year-old kid , she says with utter seriousness , " you got a lot of love making to make ; you got a lot of boozing to do . " gloria runs 1 : 48 . it is rated r for profanity , violence and brief male nudity and would be acceptable for teenagers .
4	pos	this has been an extraordinary year for australian films . " shine " has just scooped the pool at the australian film institute awards , picking up best film , best actor , best director etc . to that we can add the gritty " life " ( the anguish , courage and friendship of a group of male prisoners in the hiv-positive section of a jail ) and " love and other catastrophes " ( a low budget gem about straight and gay love on and near a university campus ) . i can't recall a year in which such a rich and varied celluloid library was unleashed from australia . " shine " was one bookend . stand by for the other one : " dead heart " . >from the opening credits the theme of division is established . the cast credits have clear and distinct lines separating their first and last names . bryan | brown . in a desert settlement , hundreds of kilometres from the nearest town , there is an uneasy calm between the local aboriginals and the handful of white settlers who live nearby . the local police officer has the task of enforcing " white man's justice " to the aboriginals . these are people with a proud 40 , 000 year heritage behind them . naturally , this includes their own system of justice ; key to which is " payback " . an eye for an eye . revenge . usually extracted by the spearing through of the recipient's thigh . brown , as the officer , manages quite well to keep the balance . he admits that he has to 'bend the rules' a bit , including actively encouraging at least one brutal " payback " . ( be warned that this scene , near the start , is not for the squeamish ) . the local priest - an aboriginal , but in the " white fellas " church - has a foot on either side of the line . he is , figuratively and literally , in both camps . ernie dingo brings a great deal of understanding to this role as the man in the middle . he is part churchman and part politician . however the tension , like the heat , flies and dust , is always there . whilst her husband - the local teacher - is in church , white lady kate ( milliken ) and her aborginal friend tony , ( pedersen ) have gone off into the hills . he takes her to a sacred site , even today strictly men-only . she appears to not know this . tony tells her that this is a special place , an initiation place . he then makes love to her , surrounded by ancient rock art . the community finds out about this sacrilegious act and it's payback time . the fuse is lit and the brittle inter-racial peace is shattered . everyone is affected in the fall out . to say more is to give away the details of this finely crafted film . suffice to say it's a rewarding experience . bryan brown , acting and co-producing , is the pivotal character . his officer is real , human and therefore flawed . brown comments that he expects audiences to feel warmth towards the man , then suddenly feel angry about him . it wasn't long ago that i visited central australia - ayers rock ( uluru ) and alice springs - for the first time . the wide-screen cinematography shows the dead heart of australia in a way that captures it's vicious beauty , but never deteriorates into a moving slide show , in which the gorgeous background dominates those pesky actors in the foreground . the cultural clash has provided the thesis for many a film ; from the western to the birdcage . at least three excellent australian films have covered the aboriginal people and the line between them and we anglo-saxon 'invaders' : " jedda " , " the chant of jimmie blacksmith " and " the last wave " . in a year when the race 'debate' has reared up in australia , it is nourishing to see such an intelligent , non-judgemental film as " dead heart " . the aboriginal priest best sums this up . he is asked to say if he is a " black fella or white fella " .
5	pos	according to hollywood movies made in last few decades , life in small town is one of the worst things that could happen to a human being . even worse fate awaits those who were unfortunate to grow up in those dark , god-forsaken places and later forced to live forever traumatised by the experience . on the other hand , it seems that something more than atlantic ocean divides europe from america , because one of the most popular and beloved european films takes exactly the opposite view . this film is amarcord , 1974 comedy by famous italian director federico fellini , which later gave inspiration to numerous imitations and homages , and even led few american screen artists to adopt its heretical views about benefits of small town life . the film is based on the screenplay by fellini and tonino guerra and it lacks the plot in usual sense . instead we follow one year in 1930s italian summer resort town of rimini through the series of short vignettes that depict various local events and customs , as well as series of local , often very colourful characters . although many of those characters occasionally take the role of narrator , movie concentrates on its nominal protagonist , 14-year old boy titta ( played by bruno zanin ) and chronicles his sexual frustrations , obsession with local beauty queen named gradisca ( played by magali noel ) , problems in his lovingly dysfunctional family , as well as troubles his father ( played by armando brancia ) have with mussolini's fascist regime . amarcord was often noted as the ultimate nostalgia film , and it probably explains why it is very popular , even among those people who actually don't like federico fellini's work very much . every member of its potential audience would find part of himself or herself in this film , because fellini in this film clearly illustrates natural human desire to paint past in the best way possible . distortion between actual past and its subjective interpretation could be found even in the title of the film - word " amarcord " is nothing more than badly pronounced phrase " i remember " in local italian dialect . in the same way the word is distorted , so is the past in memories of those who remember it . after the premiere , fellini rejected any claims about autobiographical character of this film , but it doesn't matter whether rimini of amarcord actually resembles rimini of fellini's childhood or not ; any place and any time could resemble characters and situations of this film . fellini's views on nostalgia are clearly illustrated with a way he mixes reality and fantasy in this film . even the most naturalistic scenes are laced with dark humour and grotesque images . characters look like caricatures , actors playing them often deliberately overact , and women , especially those who fuel titta's sexual fantasies , often have certain body parts with gargantuan proportions . every now and then , scenes that depict 1930s reality gradually slide into fantasies of movie's characters and rimini becomes almost indistinguishable from the magical place in characters' visions . because of that , almost everything in this film looks different , and in most cases better , than it would have looked in the real life . even the fascism gets fellinian make-over - fellini views mussolini's totalitarian regime as nothing more than visual spectacle ( explaining why similar regimes enjoyed such popular support throughout history ) and opportunity for comedy . when fascists finally show their true colours and begin torturing their opponents , even this becomes opportunity for scenes of macabre humour . unlike many of his italian colleagues in 1970s , who had used 1930s period setting to explicitly condemn fascism and serve fashionable political agenda , fellini doesn't care that much about politics . lack of self-righteous moral perspective is compensated with fellini's humanistic approach to his characters . each of them , regardless of age , gender , social class or physical appearance , is given opportunity to express his or her views , dreams and fears . fellini treats all those characters with warmth and affection , even when he paints them as grotesque caricatures of real people . because of this warmth and democratic spirit , amarcord could be viewed as one of the most humane films of 20th century , and it keeps its general feel good atmosphere despite depicting having many uncomfortable , melancholic and even tragic moments . fellini couldn't produce such effects without using his own directorial talent that gave a very personal touch to this movie . vignettes aren't memorable because of the characters only ; fellini uses camera , painting film in bright colours , especially in the scenes that depict character's fantasies . fellini also knows how to use locations , whether such location happens to be luxurious hotel , bright-coloured beach or rural countryside . even the down-to-earth streets of rimini , where everyone knows everyone , gets magical dimension during the snowfall . on the other hand , lack of credible special effects somewhat diminished the same effect during the ocean liner scene . this atmosphere is also provided by incredible talent of composer and fellini's long-time associate nino rota . his amarcord theme is probably one of the most recognisable , most popular and most relaxing and uplifting pieces of film music ever produced . that music alone should be the reason to view amarcord as one of the indisputable classics of seventh art .
6	neg	my first press screening of 1998 and already i've gotten a prime candidate for my worst ten of the year list . what an auspicious beginning ! welcome to the dog days of winter when the only film openings of merit are those oscar contenders that the studios opened in late december in new york and l . a . and which are just now beginning to appear elsewhere . firestorm , the directorial debut of dances with wolves's academy award winning cinematographer dean semler , is the first of the new year's crop of movies . as our story opens , the movie pretentiously informs us that of the tens of thousands of firefighters only 400 are " smokejumpers . " we then cut to a plane load of smoke jumping cowboys and one cowgirl , where one of the gung-ho guys is taking a romance quiz from " cosmopolitan . " having the time of their lives , they then jump into the middle of a burning forest . when , even in the beginning , the director can't get the small parts right , you can sense the movie is in trouble . with the noisy fire roaring all about them and with the trapped people huddled near their gasoline-filled cars , smokejumper monica ( christianne hirt ) tells them to get away from their soon-to-explode vehicles . not bothering to shout nor even get close to them , she announces her warning without raising her voice much or approaching the people . miraculously , they manage to hear her and move away . in a movie that specializes in cheap shots , the camera locates the proverbial young girl trapped in a nearby burning building . as it does throughout , overly dramatic cinematographer stephen f . windon from the postman uses extremely fast zooms right down to the endangered girl's face . our show's two heroes , the crew's chief , wynt perkins , played laconically by scott glenn , and his second-in-command , jesse graves , played by howie long in a weak attempt to be the next steven seagal , enter the burning house looking for the little girl . in a panic they have difficulty in locating her before they are engulfed in flames . the manipulative script has her hidden in her own dollhouse . this mawkish show cuts back to monica , who has a life-or-death decision to make . the chopper with the fire-retardant chemicals has only enough to save one group . will it be the large group near the cars or the helpless little girl and monica's two firefighting buddies ? she has only seconds to decide who will be saved . yes , she goes for the majority , but , miracle of miracles , the other three come out alive anyway . not content with a traditional firefighting story , chris soth's screenplay attempts to jazz it up by having william forsythe from palookaville play a vicious killer named randy earl shaye who sets a forest fire so that he can join the crew to put it out and then escape . ( " hoods in the woods , " is what the " ground-pounders " yell out when the convicts are bused in to help them fight the fire . ) along the way , shaye picks up an ornithologist hostage played by suzy amis , who turns out to have been trained in warrior ways by her father , who was a marine drill instructor . most of the highly predictable movie is a long chase in which poor howie long is given one ridiculous stunt after another to look silly performing . he flings a chain saw backwards over his head while riding a speeding motorcycle so that the saw can hit the windshield of the pursuing truck . arguably the low point is when he escapes from a locked burning building by riding a motorcycle conveniently parked inside . using a ramp , he shoots straight out of the top of the building's attic , and when he hits the ground , he just rides off in a cloud of dust . when the film isn't using some stock footage of actual forest fires , the simulated ones look hokey . editor jack hofstra cheapens the action even more by his use of burning flames in scene transitions . the ending , with its sick twists , manages to be even worse than the rest of the movie . perhaps the best that can be said for the picture is the faint praise i heard afterwards in the lobby , " it's not as bad as some of the television sitcoms . " firestorm runs mercifully just 1 : 29 . it is rated r for violence and language and would be acceptable for teenagers .
7	neg	to put it bluntly , ed wood would have been proud of this . a totally ridiculous plot is encompassed with bad humor , hokey drama , zero logic and a crap screenplay . also , a beautifully anti-climactic ending . not to say it didn't look intriguing when i saw the previews . so much for truth in advertising . roland emmerich , who's later " independence day " would look like " the 400 blows " compared to this , co-writed and directed this inane sci-fi film which uses the cliche of there being some connection between eqypt and aliens . in a useless opening sequence , men find a stone in 1914 with hieroglyphics on it . it wouldn't be till present day ( '94 ) till they would actually figure it out . they're decipherer ? a slightly-neurotic scientist ( nice twist ) , dr . dan jackson ( james spader , doing his best outside of erotic thrillers and some indy fare ) who's life sucks so much that people walk out of his lectures after the third word . why do they use him to decipher what no one else could ? so there is a hokey ending ! duh ! he figures it out in about a minute . yea . and then they get a suicidal colonel or something , " jack " o'neill ( kurt russel , with his wyat earp locks in the beginning then a flat-top that would make howie long snap into a fetal position ) . why a suicidal colonel ? for the ending ! you'll get the hang of this . they open the stargate , a bunch of them go through it with a bomb to blow it up if they find anything bad . after an overdone special effects thing , they're . . . inside a goddam pyramid . so they went to egypt , right ? wrong . they're on another planet that was filmed in egypt . they discover a cilvilization ruled by ra , the sun god ( the androginous jaye davidson , with a voice modifier to make him sound like barry white with asthma ) , and there are fights , explosions and a kiss between two people . yea . also melodrama , stupidity , hokey scenes and a bizarre language . an anti-climactic ending ends with stupid lines ( " say hello to king tut , asswhole ! " - the quintessential line , lemme tell ya ) and some convenient pesudo-pseudo-pseudo-character development . by the end , you just wanna go home and watch , i don't know , the " outer limits " or something . the script's terrible . the special effects are okay , but nothing great . the story's so weak that it's almost opaque . the whole experience just isn't worth it unless you're so bored that you'd consider watching a " full house " marathon . . . or this . i'd pick this , obviously , but still , it's just not fun at all . and i can't wait for it to premier on mst3k .
8	neg	synopsis : melissa , a mentally-disturbed woman who likes to smoke , seduces doug , a minor-league baseball player who likes to study anatomy , work on motorcycles , and make out with his girlfriend in a public library . when doug decides to stop seeing her , melissa maliciously takes revenge on those around him , including his girlfriend , his mother , and his cat . comments : malicious , i suppose , is an acceptable moview for what it is : a cheap , b-movie thriller which rips off dozens and dozens of spurned-psycho-lover-who-wants-revenge films ( like fatal attraction , hand that rocks the cradle , etc . etc . ) that have come before it . malicious , however , really doesn't provide very many particularly suspenseful moments . the plot starts off energetically enough , the main characters are introduced and the affair between doug and melissa begins and ends pretty early on in the film . it starts to drag , unfortunately , after this . melissa will obviously try to take her revenge on doug ( as always seems to happen in movies like these ) , but she does so in unimaginative ways that have been done in other , better thrillers before . she drugs someone . she kills a family pet and leaves it in the girlfriend's apartment . and , of course , she stalks , so we see a number of shots , which are supposed to be suspenseful , where she's spying on doug and his girlfriend . i won't reveal the ludicrous ending to this turkey , but i warn you that it's both painfully obvious and a real yawner . john vernon does a remarkably good job at playing the not-so-bright baseball jock who initially gets swept away by melissa ( one of the script's faults is to try to pass off a character like this as a pre-med student ) . the same cannot be said , though , for molly ringwald . at times , she can effectively pull off the obsessed lover routine , especially during her silent , i'm-going-to-stare-you-down scenes . at other times , however , she just seems somehow goofy and out of place . in one particular scene which i guess was supposed to be suspenseful , she screeches " f--k you , you b-----d " and throws a phone . she delivers the line so ridiculously that one can't help but laugh . malicious certainly isn't the worst thriller of its kind out in the video racks ( a number of really fat turkies in this genre are out there ) , but it isn't all that good or original either . feel free to treat this film maliciously , watch something else .
9	neg	tim robbins and martin lawernce team up in this road movie comedy . robbins plays an exec who discovers his wife having sex with his boss . he goes into depression , and drives around his neighbourhood until he arrives inside the usual 'ghetto' side of every american city . there , lawernce attempts to steal his car , but to no avail , and is dragged along with robbin's on a trip to arizona . there , they hold up a store , are mistaken for two other robbers ( just like in my cousin vinny ) and are chased by the police , and the other robbers . of course , there's gags along the way , usually from lawernce . although the film is midly funny , and quite watchable , there's something so horribly familiar about it all . this film should really be called beverly hills midnight run there's lawernce with his wisecracking and heavy profanity , just like eddie murphy in beverly hills cop , and pratically the same idea as midnight run . it's full of all the road movie cliches , and even has a 'comedy' car chase , which just seemed so eighties . even the credit sequence seemed to be out of a steve martin , or chevy chase , eighties comedy . there also isn't much chemistry between robbins and lawernce . in planes , trains and automobiles , there was real chemistry between steve martin and john candy . in nothing to lose , there is hardly chemistry at all . towards the end the chemistry seems to work , but for the bulk of the film , there is hardly any , the director directs the film in a workman like fashion , but gets the jokes across . and although there is no chemistry between the two leads , they give good performances on their own . lawerence gives a good eddie murphy performance , and robbin's is alright aswell . however , robbin's performance is nowhere near as good as the characters he played in jacob's ladder , and the player . in fact , if you want to see robbin's do comedy much better than in nothing to lose , i suggest you rent out the hudsucker proxy , where he is much funnier . nothing to lose does have some funny moments in it , however . the humour isn't particulary sophisticated , but if you enojyed dumb & dumber , you might enjoy this . the characters in arizona are funny , and there's also a good scene where robbin's asks a shopkeeper which 'threatening approach' was better , lawerences ( which consisted of lawerence threatening to shoot the shopkeeper's ass , and swearing a lot ) , or himselfs , ( which was speaking in a deep , scary voice ) but the gags are predictable , the lack of chemistry infurating , and the ending too far-fetched and 'perfect' nothing to lose then , is robbin's first 'bad' movie ( and hopefully his last ) , and suggests that odereick should twice before making another film . he nearly ruined carrey's career with ace ventura : when nature calls , let's hope he hasn't ruined robbin's ( or even lawerence's ) with nothing to lose .
10	neg	in " gia " , angelina jolie plays the titular character , the first so-called supermodel . and right there you have the biggest hurdle this movie had to overcome ( in my eyes , anyway ) . i just don't see how the life of a model is worthy of a two hour film . despite this , i kept an open mind when i began watching the movie . sadly , though , my fears were realized . it's just not possible to make an interesting , full-length film about a person who spends their days wearing different clothes . the movie follows the rise and fall of gia ( no last name ) , a tumultuous woman who doesn't particularly enjoy the world of fashion . she becomes famous more quickly than she can handle , and finds herself hooked on drugs and on a woman she cannot have . the last hour of the film is just one scene after another of gia getting high , losing a job , and going into rehab . this formula is repeated several times , and i really got tired of it . in general , i tend to dislike movies featuring heavy drug use . no because it offends me or anything like that ; it just bores me . quite frankly , i don't see the appeal , so when a director shows me a point-of-view shot of a junkie , complete with tipsy camera angles and echoing voices , i am left somewhat unimpressed . the first hour of the film , though , was actually quite engaging . we see gia as she is discovered and moves to new york with her boyfriend . these early scenes were interesting . we're shown the fashion world through a newcomers eyes , and it was a perspective i hadn't seen before . the movie begins to go downhill , however , once gia becomes an established model . >from that point , i lost all interest in the movie and was counting the minutes before it would end . it all seemed so excessive . fine , so gia had a drug problem , does this really need to dominate the film ? couldn't the same effect have been had with a five or ten minute montage of scenes featuring gia experimenting with drugs ? or perhaps this film is meant to be a warning to aspiring models not to get into the drug world . quite possibly , although since i have no desire to become a model , this warning is lost on me . as i stated at the beginning of this review , i simply don't see how the life of a model is worthy of a feature-length motion picture . what do they do that warrants a movie ? strut their stuff for thousands of dollars an hour ? i suppose the same could be said about making movies about baseball players , for example , but at least somebody like lou gehrig led an interesting life . gia did not . and by the end of the film , all i knew about gia for sure was that she hated modelling , was bi-sexual , and was heavily into drugs . not exactly a meaningful contribution to society , as far as i'm concerned .
11	neg	in 1990 , the surprise success an unheralded little movie called ghost instantly rescued the moribund careers of its trio of above-the-title stars , patrick swayze , demi moore , and whoopi goldberg . eight years later , moore and goldberg's careers aren't exactly thriving , but they have had their share of screen successes since ; the same can't be said of swayze , who has just added yet another turkey to his resume with the aptly named black dog . forget the mortal kombat movies--this trucksploitation flick is the closest the movies has come to video games . good truck driver jack crews ( swayze ) must drive a cargo of illegal firearms from atlanta to new jersey . along the way , jack and his crew of three run into a number of obstacles--such as a highway weigh station , evil truckers , and deadly uzi-firing motorcyclists . every so often , like at the end of a video game " level " or " stage , " the main baddie pops up : red ( meat loaf , fresh from the triumph of spice world ) , who wants to steal the cache of guns . just in case you forget his name or have trouble keeping track of who's driving what , all of red's vehicles , be it a pickup or a big rig , are painted--you guessed it--red . i could go into more of the plot specifics ( such as jack's dream of having a nice home with his family , the past trauma that sent him to prison and cost him his trucking license , the fbi/atf crew tracking the cargo ) , but they are of little importance . all that matters to director kevin hooks and writers william mickelberry and dan vining are the obstacles jack confronts in his drive from point a to point b . but they fail at even this modest goal , for none of the highway chaos , as credibly staged as it is , is terribly interesting , let alone exciting . once you've seen a couple of trucks bang against each other or a big rig explode the first time , you've seen it every time . as dreary as black dog is as an entertainment , the saddest part about the film has nothing to do with what shows up onscreen ; it's that swayze has to reduce himself to such work . while far from the best of actors , he is certainly not horrible , and he is a charismatic presence . i don't know if it's his judgment or the dearth of quality job offers that leads him to involve himself with bombs such as black dog . regardless , if he continues on this career track , could a tv series be far behind ?
12	neg	upon first viewing of this movie , the phrases " been there " and " done that " come quickly to mind . spy hard manages to steal almost every joke from the zucker brothers films , the most popular of which are airplane and the naked gun series . stealing stuff can be profitable in this industry , but only when you steal the right stuff . what little plot there is involves dick steele , aka . agent wd-40 ( leslie nielsen ) trying to save the world from an almost deranged madman played by andy griffith . along the way to it goal ( goal ? ) , the film manages to spoof mainly the james bond type films , but also manages to hit on films such as home alone and sister act . the trick about spoofing is that you have to actually be funny , or at the least , satirical . spy hard achieves neither , as it borrows all of the wrong elements from the superior zucker brothers films . the " dick , the world is in danger . what is it ? well , it's a big roundish ball floating in space around the sun . . ( i'm paraphrasing ) " type of exchange is used at least four times in the opening ten minutes of the film , each time getting progressively less funny . what they should have stolen were the background sight gags which were so effective in the zucker brother's films while writing their own dialogue . director rick friedberg focuses more on the mug shots of his actors ( especially nielsen , who can do this quite well ) than on the delivery and context of their lines , much of the time cutting the punchline short . the whole film seems to be in a race with itself to be over , as is evident in the final sequence , where there is no comedic denouement after the climax . as was usual in the zucker brothers films and in spy hard , the end credits tend to replace this by being out of context . one of the more amusing was , " captain of the enterprise . . . . . . james t . kirk " . overall , i thought this was a very weak effort . while all of the right films to spoof were chosen , they used none of the right spoofing methods . next time they should " spy " a little bit harder . * * * * = excellent . one of a kind . must see . * * * = entertaining . worth the price of admission . * * = fair . nothing much special . * = what were they thinking ? ?
13	pos	with stars like sigourney weaver ( " alien " trilogy ) and academy award winner holly hunter ( the piano , raising arizona , etc . ) together in a single hollywood production , one would immediately identify the film as a potential academy award hot shot . sadly for copycat , though tightly scripted and nicely plot , is still at heart , a typical hollywood thriller . helen ( weaver ) , after a traumatic near death encounter with a serial killer , darryl ( harry connick jr . ) , has developed a phobia for being outdoors , so to speak . incidentally , helen is also an expert on the subject of serial killers , which make her a juicy target for serial killer wannabes . a year has passed and strange deaths begin to terrorise the city of san francisco . detective monahan ( hunter ) and getz ( mulroney ) , baffled by the unorthodox methods of killing used by the killer , seeks the professional help of helen , who , as expected was reluctant at first . copycat " borrows " a lot from silence of the lambs and in most cases , it did work . but copycat tries to be a little bit more by immersing the audience into the lives of its main characters to give them more believability , this was rather unnecessary as the scenes seem to disrupt the mood of the entire film and also . . . much of the time wasted could've been used to build up the suspense and injected with drama . even so , weaver and hunter act very well in their own departments . . . weaver being the vulnerable yet strong-within character ( as in aliens ) and hunter being the short , tough , texan speaking cop ( as in raising arizona ) . harry connick jr . , a very good jazz singer , shines as the imprisoned serial killer a la hannibal lecter . which comes to the moment of judgement ( drum roll please . . . ) . copycat is a good thriller . although the plot is highly predictable and one can actually predict the rest of the movie after about 45 minutes into the show , copycat survives from the moments of anticipation where the audience are held on to their seats , in anticipation of the killers next immediate move . this worked pretty well and will offer audiences a couple of unexpected jolts . nice movie to bring your girlfriend to . . . .
14	neg	" the 13th warrior " comes at the end of as summer where we've already experienced man eating sharks ( " deep blue sea " ) , man eating crocodiles ( " lake placid " ) and even a man hunting witch ( " the blair witch project " ) . now , " the 13th warrior " presents a tribe of flesh eating men who believe that they are bears . the story , if that's what you want to call it , follows ahmed ibn fahdlan ( antonio banderas ) an arabian poet who falls in love with his king's wife and is banished from his home land . he then travels to the land of the vikings and becomes an ambassador to them . eventually the vikings are called upon to protect the people of the village who are being hunted by the flesh eating men . thirteen warriors are chosen to go on the mission , and as you guessed it , ahmed is chosen as the thirteenth . he's not a warrior , and at first not well accepted by the vikings , but as the movie advances he'll have to prove himself both on and off the battlefield . that's basically the entire plot . there is also a romantic subplot that has been so badly mishandled and , one assumes , drastically cut that you begin to wonder why the filmmakers didn't just edit out all of the scenes attaining to that part of the story . instead they chose to leave just enough of those scenes in to annoy the viewer . the film is basically non- stop action and when it pauses and tries to develop a story it becomes a laughing stock . the battle scenes , although well choreographed , are not involving and not the least bit exciting . we don't get to know any of the characters and so we don't care who lives and who dies . the film , which wants to be beowolf , comes across more as a failed action-adventure story aspiring to epic proportions but not achieving it on any levels . it was directed by john mctiernan who's , " the thomas crown affair " is also playing in theaters currently . and it's not that mctiernan worked simultaneously on both films but that , " the 13th warrior " was placed on the shelf for so long with the studio just waiting for a time to dump it on audiences . it belongs back on the shelf .
15	neg	georges polti once wrote a paper called " the thirty-six dramatic situations , " in which he asserted the fact that all drama could be defined by no more than thirty-six different situations . this may be the modern restatement of the biblical prophecy from ecclesiastes , " there's nothing new under the sun . " the faculty , the latest movie by from dusk till dawn director robert rodriguez , certainly proves this in typical hollywood fashion . there's not a measureable fraction of original material in this unworthy outing . drawing elements from both the puppet masters and invasion of the body snatchers , screenwriter kevin williamson ( of scream 2 credit ) gives us a horror tale set in middle america ( ohio ) one eventful fall . making use of a cast of unusually stock characters , williamson designs an alien invasion that will not be done independence day-style but rather " through the back door . " parasitic aliens take over the faculty of a run-down high school and soon have infested most of the student body , leaving it up to the ensemble of principal characters to win the day . the lack of gusto is the movie's major stumbling block . even though the genre has seen movies that have a lack for quality such as this , they've been saved by an energetic approach . this casts more than a shadow of a doubt on williamson's ability , who enjoyed success with the wes craven-directed scream but couldn't pull anything solid in for this outing or i know what you did last summer . although he designs the faculty with more of a sci-fi bent than his typical slasher picture , it still comes down to the same results : throw the stock characters in a steel cage match and see who comes out alive . on that level , the main roles are played by virtual unknowns . only the recognizeable elijah wood ( deep impact ) is at the front ; other than that , the screen veterans are saved for the minor roles of the alien teachers . perhaps williamson has it in mind to champion these up-and-comers to the fame that their scream and last summer counterparts achieved ; but to do that , they'd all need to star in their own wb television show about the horrors of puberty a la " dawson's creek . " needless to say the acting is far from top notch , nor does necessity ask that it should be . there is a moment or two of genuine horror , but unfortunately williamson and rodriguez did not take the story far enough in the sci-fi direction to make any use of it . in sum , the faculty was just one long shot that did not pay off .
16	neg	actually , i'm fairly sure the experience of having my flesh torn and mutilated by barbed wire would have been more positive than watching this movie . " baywatch " babe pamela anderson lee proves once and for all that she should keep her double-d's on the small screen . at least there you don't have to pay to see her cleavage . and for those viewers out there who would only lay down money for this movie in hopes of seeing pam topless , hate to burst your bubble , but there are no full-fledged nude scenes in barb wire . you wouldn't be reading this review right now if i had known that fact going in . i can't go back in time and reverse my mistake , but i can warn other horny teenage boys out there . they do tease us a few times with scenes where you almost see her topless but if she is nude , it's so quick you can't even tell for sure whether you're seeing her andersons or not . a nipple hallucination sort of thing . barb wire was adapted from a comic book , interesting because pamela is probably the only woman who looks like a comic book character in real life , even wearing low-cut leather to do office work ( businesswoman bondage wear ) and having unreal body proportions . yes , like the mona lisa , pamela anderson is a man-made beauty , probably in more senses than one . she is a definite beauty , though , and looking at her is never an unpleasant experience . you'd just think the woman who began her career as a playboy playmate wouldn't have any reservations about appearing nude in the movie , because it's obvious she wasn't pulling a sharon stone and trying to make people pay attention to her acting skills . i mean , she shows off more cleavage here than a jeweler's convention . the movie is set in the year 2017 , " the worst year of my life , " pam says . ( " the worst movie of the year , " i say . ) america is going through a second civil war and pamela is a nightclub owner in the only free city in the nation ( silicone valley , i think ) . she also hires herself out as a bounty hunter when the price is right , posing as first a stripper and later as a prostitute . but don't call her " babe . " she hates that , and reminds us of that fact way too many times . imagine , a woman who does a trapeze strip tease in a bar while having a hose sprayed on her being referred to in such a sexist , demeaning term . a liberated woman like pamela anderson shouldn't have to hear words like " babe " during a strip tease , especially since that movie about the talking pig was such a success . the plot ( ha-ha ) revolves around a pair of contact lenses that allow their wearer to pass through the congressional directorate's retina scanners . in the words of one of the characters , they're " more than meets the eye . " reminds me of the " transformers " cartoon , and i sure wished the movie could somehow be transformed into something decent , but that never happened . no , the movie just continued on its path of lame action scenes starring pamela van-damme , big-busted kickboxer , and her resistance accomplices , ex-boyfriend axel ( tamuera morrison ) and cora ( victoria rowell ) . thank god they didn't name her cora reef . one bad character name is more than enough . pamela originally doesn't take sides , giving some speech about she's only loyal to the money they pay her , but she changes her mind once the congressional bastards kill her blind brother , jack noseworthy of bon jovi " always " video fame . i still don't know if barb wire is a step up or step down for noseworthy , but he definitely is nose worthy ( even if he isn't sponge worthy ) . pam gets ready to avenge his death by grabbing up an armful of semi-automatic weapons and strapping an ammunitions belt to her chest . it's not rambo . . . it's bimbo ! mark my words , barb wire will be all over the cinemax network in a year . it's got all the elements of the direct-to-video releases featured on hbo's bastard cousin , the cable channel i'd never watch if it didn't somehow come free . it's got the non-titillating scenes of voyeurism , laughable flashbacks , bad dialogue and action cliches out the wazzoo . there's even a narrator at the beginning setting up the movie's premise while the words scroll up the screen . someone needs to tell pamela the wookie this ain't star wars . if you've seen any action flick of the past fifteen years , you'll recognize plenty of lifted elements . barb wire has the obligatory trucks flipping over , car crashes , explosions , broken glass and slow-motion shots of bodies falling hundreds of feet to their death . this is one of those automatic-pilot movies anyone could write or direct . barb wire has only two things going for it . . . and i think you know what those two things are .
17	neg	here's a rarity : a children's film that attempts to tackle a weighty subject , is there a god ? done well , it could have been a gem among the wasteland of modern children's cinema . unfortunately , it isn't . with jumbled messages , and an unclear audience , wide awake was better left asleep . fifth grader joshua beal ( joseph cross ) is in the middle of a moral crisis . his beloved grandfather ( robert loggia ) has died , and joshua has begun a quest . he wants to find god , to discover why bad things happen . this religious quest is slightly disturbing for his parents ( dana delany and denis leary ) , but they do their best to cope with their son as he explores different religious faiths . at his catholic school , his favorite teacher , sister terry ( rosie o'donnell ) , tries to give him guidance , but this is a journey he must make on his own . meanwhile , he is having the most momentous year of his life . he has several adventures with his daredevil best friend dave ( timothy reifsnyder ) , he gets his first crush , and begins to wake up to the world around him while he is on his spiritual journey . it is somewhat confusing as to what the real audience for wide awake is expected to be . on its surface , it appears to be a kid's film . however , it deals with serious issues , and is likely to be boring for today's instant-gratification kids . and while it might seem heartening to see that someone is trying to produce something thoughtful for the kidvid audience , wide awake asks serious questions , but only delivers a cheap gimmick for an answer . if there were a bit more meat in the story , adults on a nostalgic bent might get a kick out of the movie . the actors who might have created a great cast ( o'donnell , leary and delany ) are wasted in roles that amount to little more than cameos . the nostalgic elements ( best friend , favorite teacher , first crush , etc . ) have been done much better in other movies , and actually seem more like filler here . the film's strongest scenes are some touching flashbacks depicting joshua's relationship with his grandfather . they show more depth than is present anywhere else in the movie . maybe the film would have been better if , instead of playing the relationship through flashbacks , it were set entirely during joshua's last year with his grandpa . it certainly would have been more entertaining . wide awake can best be described as a failed experiment . it starts out with noble aspirations , but never delivers on its promise . parents who do take their children to see this one ought to be prepared to answer some tough questions . . . that is if their kids aren't bored to death first .
18	pos	i remember hearing about this film when it first appeared at cannes over a year ago , picking up the grand jury prize at the festival . 'holocaust comedy receives standing ovation' , the headlines read . intrigued by this statement , i looked up information on the film and found that , sure enough , life is beautiful is in fact a comedy about the greatest atrocity of the last thousand years . even though the movie was extremely well-received by critics and public alike , i couldn't help but be disgusted at this notion ; human tragedy is not something i feel should be celebrated . only now do i see the error of my ways . after finally viewing the film for myself after avoiding it for some time , it became clear that it is not , as the headlines proclaimed , a " holocaust comedy " ; on the contrary , life is beautiful does not even really depict the graphic events that took place in nazi deathcamps . rather , it focuses on the relationship between a father and his son , who he is trying desperately to shield from the horrors of their situation . roberto benigni ( who also wrote and directed the movie ) stars as guido orefice , a chaplin-inspired clown and all round jolly guy who , as the film opens , is vying for the affections of an attractive school teacher ( nicoletta braschi , benigni real life spouse ) . through the course of the first hour or so , we see guido striving to get the attention of this " beautiful princess " , as he calls her . employing the magic of laughter , the italian comedian wins her heart and together , they raise a young boy named giosue ( child actor giorgio cantarini ) . life treats them well until hitler's minions rise to power , and the family is whisked away to a german camp , where guido becomes convinced that he must upholds his son's innocence no matter what the sacrifice . granted , it contains some uproariously funny moments both in and out of the concentration camp , but it does not pull a " hogan's heros " and make light of the slaughtering of some six million innocent jews . somehow , it achieves hilarity without disrespecting it's gravely serious subject . so , we've established that life is beautiful is not a " holocaust comedy " . but , there is another complete misrepresentation of this material that really disturbs me . the film , despite critic's declarations of it being a " triumph of the human spirit " , is no such thing ; not in my eyes , anyway . some have called the story an " affirmation of the beauty of life " , but i say it is a very dark and bleak statement about man's capability of denial masquerading as an endearing comedy . the film's ending has been recognized as the most entirely uplifting moment of any film released recently , but i found it to be truly discerning and upsetting . essentially , life is beautiful is quite possibly the greatest hoax in the history of film . however , i am not denying the movie's greatness . believe me , it's fantastic . i'm just saying that i think benigni did something different than what most people are interpreting it as . but perhaps i'm reading more into the movie than is really there . maybe the film's brilliance relies on the idea that the viewer can interpret the meaning of it in any way they see fit . in fact , maybe roberto benigni has made a film that is the sole argument for the old saying that you get out of a movie exactly what you put into it .
19	neg	writer/director lawrence kasdan had a hand in penning some of the biggest film successes of the 1980s . yes , that's right , he co-wrote raiders of the lost ark ( 9/10 ) , the empire strikes back ( 8 . 5/10 ) and return of the jedi ( 8/10 ) . now with this film , it looks as though he has decided to test his skills at mediocre screenwriting and bland directing . and guess what ? he succeeds once again ! plot : a man with a shady and regrettable past decides to run away and into a small american town , where he pretends to be a licensed psychologist to an open-armed swarm of people with problems . it isn't long before he befriends the small-town billionaire , folks become suspicious and he falls for one of his own patients . critique : this film is not a comedy ! it is a drama . i say this right up front because from the looks of the trailer , you would think that this film secures its base in humor , but unfortunately for us , it does not . it is a serious film ( seriously flawed if you ask me , but i digress ) which offers a couple of witty quips to keep you awake , but overall , just sits there . now on to my review . this movie sucks because it was slow and boring , starred an uninteresting protagonist with an unbelievable past , included extremely dull patients whose problems left me indifferent at best and pissed at worst , and certified it all with many a predictable ending . i have no idea what lawrence kasdan was trying to accomplish with this picture , but whatever it was . . . he missed ! anyone without his name could never have made this film because it is an extremely generic puff-piece , which on a good day , might be described as predictably digestible . it's no wonder that the studio is trying to sell it as a comedy ! it sucks as a drama , and bored my movie cohort right to sleep . i've given it four points on four extremely shallow yet distinguishable marks . first of all , i couldn't help but think about how much the lead actor , loren dean , looked like a young charles grodin . he even acted like him , save for the dry , sardonic wit . this kept me interested in watching him at least . number two , and this one is really shallow ( seemed to be geared that way as well ) , there were quite a few " titshots " , as they would say back in high school . and god help me if i can't get enough of those in an aimless drama . and three , and this one surprised me the most , actor ted danson's cameo ( yes , he will always be sam malone to us real fans ! ) was the best part about this movie and actually made me see him as a different person . a different asshole , but a different person nonetheless . if ever you rent this movie one day ( promise you won't throw away your hard-earned money at the theaters ? ! ) , wait for his scene because it's actually pretty good . other than that , drab , drab , drab and drab . even jason lee , a personal favorite of mine , was left out to dry with lame dialogue and one of the phoniest romances to hit the big screen in a while . well , at least he finally " came out " and did some real skateboarding in this movie ! oh yeah , and i guess that's the fourth point in my rating . anyway , if you enjoy watching boring patients babble on about their boring problems to an uninteresting psychologist . . . this film's your bag ! otherwise , skip it and see analyze this ( 8/10 ) again . . . now there's a great shrink movie ! little known facts about this film and its stars : " three's company " fans alert ! ! ! terri from the tv show , also known as actress priscilla barnes , plays a small but pivotal part as the landlady in this film . the scene is actually a fantasy sequence and does feature cleavage , so stay tuned , kids ! also , it is to note that the actress was once named " penthouse pet of the month " in march of 1976 . she was known as one joann witty back then . she's originally from jersey . who the hell is loren dean , the dude who plays mumford in this film ? you got me , but all i know is that he was born in las vegas in 1969 and played the character of billy bathgate in the 1991 film of the same name . jason lee was born in the state of california in the year of 1971 . he was a professional skateboarder before his acting career took off after mallrats ( 6/10 ) , and even owns his own skateboarding company called stereo manufacturing corp . he's been in every kevin smith film except for clerks ( 8 . 5/10 ) . listen closely and you will hear the pharmacist in this film ( the ballooning actor formerly known as pruit taylor vince ) make a reference to the " lost ark " , which is obviously an in-joke , considering that it is the writer/director of this film , lawrence kasdan , who co-wrote raiders of the lost ark ( 9/10 ) . kasdan also played the part of dr . green in 1997's as good as it gets ( 8/10 ) . ted danson also played the role of lawyer peter lowenstein in kasdan's 1981 directorial debut body heat starring a sexy kathleen turner and william hurt .
20	pos	garry shandling makes his long overdue starring film debut as an alien from a planet populated only by genetically created men , who are looking to take over the earth by propagating their own species there . shandling is chosen for the mission , is given the name harold anderson , and is set up as a banker in seattle . after a few disastrous " mating " attempts , he figures his best bet will be susan ( annette bening ) , a former alcoholic who eventually tells harold that she won't have sex again until she gets married . the leader of harold's planet ( ben kingsley ) tells him to marry her , and harold is soon exposed to all the " joys " of married life . despite its title and premise which seem to imply that this is some jerry lewis vehicle from the late 1960s , what planet are you from ? is a very funny movie . the plot ( which the film wisely doesn't linger on the specifics of for too long ) is of course nothing more than framework for the jokes , most of which work very well . the material may be considered crude and tasteless by many , and i might have thought so as well had shandling not been the lead . but he brings a sort of pathetic charm to the role , and it's his performance that makes the film truly funny instead of just offensive . plus if you think about it , what planet are you from ? could have very easily gone the gross-out route ( considering that shandling's character is given a detachable penis that vibrates and hums when he gets excited ) . we never see anything though , it's all implied , which gives the film a touch of class amidst its crudeness . i'm glad to see that someone in hollywood still understands the concept of " less is more " . the talented supporting cast certainly adds to one's enjoyment of this film . annette bening ( oddly playing a merged version of her real estate salesman character from american beauty and her ditzy spiritualist character from mars attacks ! ) does a fine job keeping up with shandling and makes a good catalyst for his brand of humor . she even manages to pull off a potentially disastrous scene where she has to perform a rather goofy rendition of " high hopes " for a lengthy period of time . ben kingsley , john goodman and greg kinnear all fare well in their performances as well , and linda fiorentino . . . good lord , there should be some sort of law stating that no woman can be that sexy . everything about her character in this film oozes raw sexuality . what planet are you from ? is available on dvd from columbia tristar home video . the disc gives you the choice of either watching the film full frame or in its original theatrical aspect ratio of 1 . 85 : 1 ( and enhanced for 16x9 televisions . also included on the disc as extras : a decent making-of featurette , an isolated score track , talent files for the cast and crew , and the film's original theatrical trailer ( as well as trailers for wolf , men in black , bugsy and as good as it gets ) . when i first saw that the disc featured an isolated score track , i actually laughed . how great could the music for a silly little comedy be for it to get it's own isolated track ? well as it turns out , it's a mighty fine score from carter burwell ( fargo , the hudsucker proxy ) that i enjoyed listening to again while i typed up this review . kudos to columbia tristar for adding that feature to the disc . what planet are your from ? was unjustly ignored in theaters , and i hope it finds its deserved audience on home video . this fine dvd is certainly a great way to see it . [r]
21	neg	one would think that david duchovny , star of the cult favorite " x-files " would be very careful in choosing his leading man cinema roles . at least one would hope so . one would be seriously incorrect . eugene sands ( duchovny ) is a surgeon so dedicated to his craft that he becomes addicted to amphetamines to stay awake and work more . it turns out to be a bad plan when he loses a patient and his license while under the influence . ten months later , in a seedy bar to score synthetic heroin , the doctor gets a chance to ply his trade when assassins gun down a customer . using a plastic water bottle and bar tubing , sands operates and saves his life . smalltime hoodlum raymond blossom ( timothy hutton ) is impressed with the cutlery skills on his associate . he kidnaps and then offers down-and-out eugene a position in his organization . blossom needs a doctor to patch up gunshot victims that would be problematic at a hospital . sand's temptation is that this will give him a chance to practice medicine again albeit illegally , big chunks of cash to fuel his habit and close proximity to the gangster's womanfriend claire ( angelina jolie ) , this film's babe factor . the would-be big time operator is desperately in need of help . on the run from russian mobsters ( the bad guys that seem to be all the rage in this year's films ) and trying to cut a pirate software deal with the chinese mafia , blossom is surrounded by blood . after a few medical misadventures , the physician grows disenchanted with his employment . an encounter with a couple of psycho surfer dudes who threaten to blow him away unless he " fixes " their dead buddy cements his feeling that he is in the wrong line of work . when the fbi visits and forces him to become an informant , there is no question that he needs to be somewhere else . oddly enough , these seem like they could be exciting scenes . the film disproves that assumption . then a bunch of other uninteresting things happen . writing this only two days after seeing the film , its a struggle to remember the events . you can take that as a solid lack of recommendation . for all the coolness that duchovny exhibits in " x-files " , it's a surprise that his big screen presence is so lacking in charisma . the doctor is particularly bland and dull . even the cold turkey bit which is rife with dramatic possibilities come across as banal . a little chocolate and minor sweats get him through heroin withdrawal . like virtually everything else in the film , it's a missed opportunity . the fox mulder detachment doesn't work here . oscar-winner hutton's manic mobster is much more difficult to get a handle on . played partially for comedy and partially as crazed killer , blossom almost becomes real , but then sinks into goofiness . most of the time hutton looks as if he's searching for his character and coming up empty . jolie also makes a few false moves towards creating a three-dimensional human being before giving up and turning into scenery . the most interesting aspect of her performance is watching her pouty lips threaten to take over the screen . the rest aren't any better . michael massee's eccentric fbi agent never revs up . one of blossom's henchmen steals a few moments of the show as a quirky gunman reminiscent of val kilmer's doc holliday in " tombstone " . his two-gunned blasting as he does a bizarre dance is the high point of the film . but that 15 seconds isn't worth sitting through the other 90 minutes . first time film director andy wilson ( known for his work on the british television series " cracker " ) appears to be attempting to jump on the " pulp fiction " bandwagon . the best of these movies combine a sense of style and flash with significant substance . the second-rate ones concentrate on just one of these aspects . " playing god " does neither well . the basic idea of the film is solid . and then it goes nowhere . even worse , it plods back and forth , up and down a long and winding road before it ends up nowhere . fox fails yet again in his search for intelligent life .
22	pos	robert benton has assembled a stellar , mature cast for his latest feature , twilight , a film noir mystery set amid the fading stars of hollywood . paul newman stars as retired detective harry ross . harry has spent the last couple of years doing odd jobs for jack and catherine ames ( gene hackman and susan sarandon ) , a pair of married actors who have fallen from the limelight . when jack sends him on a routine delivery job , however , the old instincts kick in . soon , harry is wading through a mystery where friendships and lives are on the line , and he no longer knows who to trust . there are plenty of familiar faces throughout twilight , in addition to newman , hackman and sarandon . james garner plays raymond hope , a former cop and one of harry's best friends . stockard channing plays verna , harry's former partner , and possibly a former love interest . reese witherspoon is mel , the distrustful daughter of the ames' , and liev schrieber is her scuzzy boyfriend . giancarlo esposito appears as harry's bumbling detective protigi , and john spencer is a suspicious police captain . with a cast like that , it's almost worth watching twilight just to stargaze . luckily , there's more to the film than some sort of actor's recognition ceremony . twilight has a solid film noir-ish plot . it may not have as many twists and turns as some of the classics , but it has much more than a lot of what passes for film these days . the major cast members all deliver strong performances , as can be expected of their caliber . however , none of them have that little extra oomph which would make them memorable . the supporting cast is enjoyable , if a little underdrawn . stockard channing's character , in particular , is a cipher . there's more to her character than the film takes the time to describe . it's a minor , but irritating , flaw . with a solid cast , and a good plot , there's a lot to recommend about twilight . it's biggest flaw is actually its short running time . at a slim 94 minutes , there's a lot of stuff that's packed into an awfully small package . still , the chance to see newman , sarandon and hackman working together is worth a cramp or two .
23	pos	seen august 8 , 1998 at 6 p . m . at rotterdam square cinemas ( rotterdam , ny ) , theater #6 , by myself for free using my sony/loews critic's pass . [theater rating : * * * : good seats , sound , and picture] war is a topic that can't help but be glorified any way it is portrayed by the media . movies , documentaries , and even history books have a way of making the darker side of humanity exciting since the most general aspects are focused on , such as strategy , politics , and victory . it's easy to forget war , in its most basic form , is a battle of armies out to slaughter each other . forgotten more easily is the fact that each soldier , no matter what his rank or importance , is a real flesh-and-blood person and not just a number . " saving private ryan " is one of the few films that dares play up this aspect , especially in its unapologetic , realistic delivery . it proves there's a huge difference between battling and killing . the film opens with one of the most graphic , disturbing scenes in recent memory . it's world war ii , d-day to be exact , and the u . s . military is invading omaha beach where the nazis are more than ready for them . spielberg uses many techniques to create for a total sense of reality . instead of positioned cameras , the footage here seems to have been shot by camera operators running alongside soldiers as if they were just as scared . there is no sense of stability , but of constant , anxious , and confusing motion , giving us the feeling of being in the middle of the battle , and just a vulnerable as the poor troops . " poor " is a proper word to describe how pathetic and yet innocent the men fighting are . there is little to no dialogue throughout the loud battle and no prologue to define any characters . we don't get the feeling these are handsome actors playing heroic roles , but that these are men about to kill and be killed for reasons beyond their understanding . the nazis are not portrayed as enemies to be hated , but as people that must be destroyed because they're there . in the movies , the good guys can run through a firestorm of bullets and bombs and not get a scratch , but in reality that wouldn't happen . the men have nothing to shield or protect them besides some metal flanks and dead bodies . they are sitting ducks and we realize this through the perspective of the well-secured germans who can actually see who , what , and where they're shooting , unlike the americans who must fire in a general direction to avoid getting their heads blown off . perhaps the film is flawed by not providing any backstory on the war itself and who the men really are , but that seems to be part of the theme . the film seems to rely on the audience's sense of patriotism , that the american military is " right " and good and that the nazis are " inherently evil . " the battle scene eventually focuses on a group of men who have miraculously survived and made their way close to the enemy stronghold ( a whole 50-foot progression ) , and begin to inflict some damage . i have to admit that once the first glimpse of victory over the nazis sprang up , i couldn't help but feel some sense of joy and relief . to triumph against all odds is a cliche to be sure , but there's nothing cliche about the graphic , detailed , atmosphere here because it really happened . one of the most surprising aspects of the film is how little story construction there is , and yet the events that take place make sense and are interesting . the plot is practically irrelevant since the film is more concerned with the reality of the war and the soldiers we meet . tom hanks stars as captain miller , a relatively average man who happens to be the leader of a platoon . he's never obsessive or any such generic , cartoonish characteristic that might dominate a character like this . he doesn't want to be there any more than his men , but when he is given a mission he intends to carry it out . the mission the film is concerned with is , as the title states , saving private ryan . through a series of command started by an ordinary clerical worker , it is brought to a general's attention that three brothers from iowa have been killed in action and their mother will receive notices of each's death simultaneously . when they learn a fourth brother is stationed somewhere in europe , they make it a top priority to have him returned safely to his mother . it's easy to sympathize with this situation , after all , no one should have to lose all their children at once . but finding one man in this war is , as miller puts it , " like trying to find a needle in a stack of needles . " the saving of private ryan isn't just a dramatic device , but a thematic one . his salvation represents the sense of innocence the country , the world even , was trying to convince itself it still had . when miller's company hears of the mission , they scoff at the idea assuming he is dead , but miller isn't so quick to shrug it off . he knows the only thing that can really save soldiers from death is hope , and now he has the opportunity to make someone's sense of hope a reality . the mission to find ryan gives miller's group a destination , but not direction . along the way many things happen to them , both good and bad . a few battles are fought , not to be major accomplishments for the war , but because they encounter german soldiers and have no other choice . the act of killing itself becomes one of the film's major philosophical metaphors . the soldiers don't mind killing other soldiers in blind battle , but when they come across a lone survivor who begs them to let him go , they can barely stop themselves from killing him in cold blood as some kind of vengeance for their losses . unfortunately , death is a fact of war , and most films try to avoid it when it comes to the main characters , but here spielberg doesn't want us to think these men are invincible . in fact , only a small amount of color and personality is sketched into each man , and the performances are good enough to make this method work . although the characters are somewhat typical , the actors maintain control over the material at all time . whether they're arguing with each other , telling stories of back home , or fighting the germans , they never go overboard and always seem believable . sure , there's a zinger here and there , but war doesn't change the fact boys will be boys . if and when one dies we too can feel the loss , even though we hardly knew them . the final act brings the story full circle with another tremendous , violent battle sequence . private ryan has been found , but facing four to one odds , can the americans defeat the germans and keep ryan alive ? that's not a premise for thrills , it's symbolic of everything the film has worked for . it would be wrong to say the film has either a happy or sad ending , it ends the way it must end . i remember reading a " calvin & hobbes " comic strip where calvin asked his dad something like , " dad , how do armies of men killing each other solve problems ? " " saving private ryan " is the adult version of that question .
24	pos	'contact' shows why jodie foster is one of our best actresses . see contact with your family . it is a movie for all ages . --a review by stuart cracraft contact starring : jodie foster , matthew mcconaughey , john hurt director : robert zemeckis star after a predictable mit phillip morrison powers-of-10 zoom-out start ( which can be surprising to those not familiar with prof . morrison's work ) , contact picks up steam , gradually , building , by-the-end , an irresistable juggernaut and a very good movie that does not as is so often the case fall out-of-balance in terms of too much pandering to the technological " geek " side . by the end , the audience is left with what good science fiction is supposed to do : evoke a sense of wonder about the universe and evoke questions in your mind about what's out there . this movie does not let technology overshadow characterization and in this sense it is unusual amongst high-tech movies . however , except for jodie foster ( elie arroway ) and john hurt ( s . r . hadden ) , who are both actors of exceptional caliber , the supporting cast are not especially impressive . hurt certainly has had better roles ( stephen ward in scandal ) . this one , as the multi-billionare hadden , does not do his acting skills justice . this is clearly a foster movie by one of the great hollywood lights of our generation . foster's radiance has never been more strong than in the scene where she finally meets the vegans on their terms . early scenes take a long , long time to build up to this . the movie's pacing is very good and subtle . the panoramas of the radio dishes at arecibo and ceti in new mexico and puerto rico are beautiful . the politics of foster's character attempting to obtain funding for research at these places are trite and predictable however . one of the most entertaining , but very short scenes , is when foster is confronted by rob lowe , during a cabinet-level presidential meeting to discuss the alien invitation . there were real sparks in this scene between foster and lowe and it would behoove them to consider other vehicles in which this dynamism could be explored . it is the only scene in the movie in which there were tremendous dynamics between two characters . everything else was very one-sided ( e . g . foster ) . lowe can stand up to foster and it showed in that scene at the cabinet table . the core scene of the movie is set on a surrealistic beach on a far-away world in the starsystem of vega . it feels a lot like science fiction writer john varley's scenes in his book steel beach , where the female protagonists encounters an immensely superior intelligence , in one case a computer manufactured by mankind itself , and in foster's case , an illusion drawn from her memory . in another sense , this immensely moving scene evokes gene roddenberry's star trek pilot the cage , later the menagerie , when jeffrey hunter and susan oliver have their memories manipulated to create new worlds in which they live and encounter aliens . the concept is not new , by any sense , in the world of science fiction . but the beach scene , which is the centerpiece of the film , as is the whole film , is driven by foster . freed from her needs to direct by director zemecki , foster is able to let it all hang out in the characterization and the lead she provides to her supporting cast . as the movie gains speed , foster's acting intensifies and the audience really does experience it with her . it is certainly oscar-caliber acting , unquestionably . the supporting cast does well and zemeckis throws in some humor with some president clinton cameos , cleverly manipulated , george stephanopolus-style , to seem very forrest gump . in fact , zemeckis et . al . got in trouble for the usage of some of the footage seen in the movie , vis a vis clinton . but the audience i attended this movie with just had some good chuckles at clinton's walk-ons . the much-discussed tension between science and religion in this movie is not particularly insightful to those who have already gone through this course though it is helpful to those in the audience who have not . also , the near-final scene , in a senate judiciary hearing room is disappointing . contact is a fitting memorial to the memory of carl sagan , science popularizer , and sometime pedantic gadfly of the halls of academe . perhaps now , sagan can be said to be with his dragons of eden .
25	pos	matthew broderick and high school comedy . the two terms have been practically inseparable since ferris buehler took the day off in 1986 . now it is 13 years later , and broderick has another high school comedy , election , to show the world . ferris buehler's day off showed an educational setting that was similar to a pile of marshmallows . it was light , fluffy , tasty , and sparkling clean . but election is far different . this production is a dark , and frighteningly realistic one that does so much more than entertain for the 103 minutes it occupies ; it shocks as well . jim mcallister ( matthew broderick ) is the type of teacher that makes american high schools proud . he is a kind , caring , younger man who has built his life around carver high school . in turn , carver high school has provided a home for him . jim has won teacher of the year no less than three times in his 12 year span , and is a well respected social studies teacher among the student body . tracy flick ( reese witherspoon ) is an intelligent , outgoing , and , to quote the film , " super nice " young girl . she is involved in numerous extracurricular activities , always has her hand up first in class , and is extremely popular among most of the student body . so , it is a natural progression when she decides to run for school president . the metzler family is an extremely wealthy one . the father , dick ( holmes osborne ) , owns a cement company . the mother , jo ( jeanine jackson ) , is an ideal housewife . and the two children , paul ( chris klein ) and tammy ( jessica campbell ) , are both students at carver high school . paul was the quarterback of the football team before he injured himself , and is definitely a candidate for most popular person in school . tammy is a lesbian who , to say the least , is going through a period of self discovery . for reasons of revenge , hatred , and sexual envy , jim convinces paul to run against tracy for school president . he claims that in a democracy you need choices , and having tracy run unopposed creates a dictatorship of sorts . so paul agrees and the race is on . but then , in an effort to spite the two candidates , tammy announces that she is running as well . her campaign is straightforward : people only run to put it on their college applications , then they do nothing . well , " i don't even want to go to college , " she says . in election , there are no " good guys " . almost everyone has their own agenda . no matter how deeply hidden , the production digs it up and exploits it for the audience . tracy is the type of person that you remember from high school . she is the girl that would be labeled " most likely to achieve anything she wants " in the yearbook , and everyone secretly envied her because of that . jim is a teacher that takes the trust that students give him as a privilege , and uses it to his own amoral advantage . everyone , including the principal , a former teacher , all the candidates , and even paul's girlfriend are two sided characters . that is much of this film's beauty , it doesn't have the typical good guys that hollywood likes , instead it is a realistic portrayal of the real world , specializing in revealing the type of sexual perversions that people usually keep to themselves . matthew broderick couldn't have been any more perfect for this role . his character is often similar bill murray's award winning role in the 1998 film , rushmore . of the two acting jobs , broderick's is far superior . but even he is overshadowed by the young reese witherspoon . the hatred that she causes the audience to develop towards her , is simply indescribable . broderick and witherspoon are simply at their best when they are playing off each other in various scenes . one such moment occurs when she approaches him in his car as he is leaving school one day . you can see her self pride in her eyes as she presents him a list of signatures , making her an eligible candidate . and his subtle disgust with her is apparent , although he tries to mask it between the lines and attempts to put on a happy face . the supporting cast is one with little hollywood experience . but that is far from apparent as everyone takes control of their part . however , the real treat is jessica campbell in her confused role as a young homosexual girl . this is never more apparent than the scene where she delivers her speech announcing her so-called platform for presidency . she is just marvelous as her hatred towards what she thinks to be an unjust system is expressed . if ferris buehler made you feel good about american high schools , and gave you an innocent laugh or two , then the movie achieved its goal . but don't you dare think that election's goals are similar . it is just as real in its portrayal of high school , as its characters are in the real world . there certainly is no pile of marshmallows here .
26	neg	i should have known , damn it , i should have known . ewan mcgregor - codename : " eye " - is pointing a high-tech rifle-ly gadget at a fat , bald business-oriented american engaging in illicit sexual activities in a window across the street . we get the requisite electro-green through-the-sight view . we the audience , seeing a high tech rifle-ly gadget , of course think that eye is going to assassinate the target , but instead , he pulls the trigger and the rifle takes twenty or so hazy , low-quality photographs , which eye then proceeds to fax and e-mail to everyone in his target's office . all right , so thirty seconds in , i was slightly befuddled by this seemingly pointless rifle/camera , but i was still open minded . . . maybe there's a really good reason for it . i've got reason to believe , you see - i admire a lot of ewan mcgregor's previous work . . . and he's obi wan ke- friggin-nobi for god's sake . and director stephan elliot's last movie priscilla , queen of the desert was a quirky little delight . there's some genuine talent involved here . i think at the twenty minute mark , there was still a spark of hope in my heart . eye has been assigned to investigate the leader of his organization's son ( i still have no idea what this organization was - british intelligence ? national spy ring ? private investigation ? ) , who is apparently stealing from his trust fund . he has received his assignment from k . d . lang , through an elaborate and expensive teleconferencing briefcase . when eye tracks his target to an expensive- looking secluded house , he witnesses a mysterious and beautiful woman ( ashley judd ) take a knife out and proceed to stab the poor bastard . ok , that's odd , i think to myself , this could be interesting . then she starts to cry , and through her tears exclaims " merry christmas , dad ! " for the first time . so begins our tale of obsession . . . or . . . something . the rest of the movie involves ewan mcgregor's eye character following ashley judd around to every corner of the united states , totally and completely obsessed by this woman from afar . throughout his entire professional life , he has been a voyeur ; so when he falls for someone , the only way he can handle it is to watch and drool through telescopes and cameras . fine , that's a lovely premise , i suppose . but gosh darn it , if you're going to go there , you better have some sort of explanation . and that's precisely where this film fails . this is the kind of movie that pisses me off . it's an abortion , a collection of half-formed and wasted ideas that amounts to absolutely nothing in the end . it pretends it is something that it is not - a surreal and deep psychological character study wrapped in a high-tech thriller . here , the filmmakers have confused " surreal " and " deep " with " vaguely unclear " and " crammed full of insultingly obvious metaphors . " i never , even for an instant , had the foggiest idea why eye would fall so in " love " with this woman who changes wigs and kills people . the movie offers only two explanations , neither of which make a lick of sense . explanation number one : the obnoxious presence of eye's imaginary daughter , who was taken away from him by his wife some time ago , tells him he shouldn't leave ms . judd . explanation two , which by the end of the film has been beaten into our heads through imagery and dialog and even the title of the movie : " beauty is in the eye of the beholder . " whoo hoo , that helps , thanks a bunch , case closed . that's as deep as it gets , folks . there is an attempt at an explanation in the final minutes , which , instead of tying everything together , ends up being as profound as a clever sixth-grade mad lib . there are secondary characters that move in and out of the picture and serve little or no purpose except to make the audience wonder what the hell the point was . my personal favorites include : the prison-matron modeled after austin powers' frau farbissina , who apparently taught ms . judd everything she knows about wearing wigs ; jason priestley's awfully played dirty desert vagrant #1 , who tries to emulate dennis hopper a la blue velvet , but fails miserably ; and the cop-who-sees-ashley-fleeing-an-accident-scene-and- then-wants-to-pay-for-sex- but-is-shot . each one in this sad little parade is a little more pointless than the last . the script pays no attention to the laws of time and space . any time one of the frequent location changes occurs , the camera zooms in on a souvenir snow globe , and minutes , weeks , or years could have passed . bewilderingly inane stylistic decisions plague the whole affair - one character passes a glass of cognac to another in a slow-motion close-up awash in a lot of bass . ewan mcgregor at one point takes up residence in a bell tower just so he could be repeatedly awakened and deafened by the giant bell . jason priestly starts philosophizing about sharks , then laughs maniacally . . . cut to random guy with eye patch . . . iguana out of focus . . . iguana comes into focus . wow , man . when i found out afterward that this film was based on a novel , it came as no surprise to me . there are plenty of elements here that , if extended and fleshed out more , would have made for a decent story . and i wouldn't be surprised if i found out there was an hour and a half of footage cut from this movie lying in a landfill somewhere , or waiting in the wings for the dvd special director's cut . . . not that anything would ever possess me to purchase such a thing to find out what i was missing . the last ten or so minutes featured a conversation between the eye and the judd that was supposed to be some sort of revealing exposition . some guy in the back of the theater was talking on his cell phone , and this time i didn't particularly care all that much because what was happening on the screen was a steaming pile of unholy crap ; the audience around me chuckled and whispered sentiments similar to what i was thinking . someone near cell-phone-guy did eventually yell , " shut the hell up ! " , but it was a lot funnier when we thought he was talking to the screen .
27	neg	an experience like baby geniuses can have certain effects on an average moviegoer . you may be scarred for life after seeing this petrified piece of garbage , which is so disarmingly horrible that it may cause you to ponder it's hollywood existence . when i think of the screenwriters behind this film , i picture a room full of monkeys . the monkeys are pounding on their typewriters while scratching themselves . all of the monkeys combine their efforts , hop in a cab and take the finished product downtown to director bob clark's office . the designated monkey explains the plot by jumping up and down on clark's desk while flailing his arms and shrieking . the director appears to be deep in thought , until he slams his fist down on the desktop and exclaims `i love it ! ! ! ' the writing behind this project is embarrassing . for your amusement , i will explain the plot . dr . kinder ( kathleen turner ) and dr . heep ( christopher lloyd ) are two of the cold-hearted executives at the baby geniuses institute , where peculiar studies are going on . as the story goes , there is an ancient myth explaining that babies ( ages 2 and under ) know all the secrets of the world from previous life experiences . when they move past this phase , they become like any other drooling toddler . kinder and heep want to unlock the secrets using their test babies , namely little sylvester ( sly for short ) , who can break in or out of any given situation so efficiently that he would be right at home on the mission : impossible team . there is so much crap derived from this premise , despite the fact it's virtually identical to the plot in look who's talking ! ( a far superior film in any league ) . you will be able to determine the quality of the film by examining the opening scene . sylvester has broken out and managed to elude several security guards with his amazing intellect and kung-fu tactics . question : it's obvious the babies are super-smart , but why are they able to fight like jackie chan ? ? the adults in this film are furiously beaten by these youngsters in diapers . it's a shock when writers will stoop this low just to draw cheap laughs by using john hughes' familiar home alone formula . i also found it disturbing that the babies in this film have attitude and endless 90's knowledge , quoting numerous movies and insulting their adult captors . the effects in baby geniuses ( similar to the talking animals in babe ) are pathetic , the editing is a disaster , and the jokes are never funny . the only reason viewers may avoid vomiting is the argument that the babies are `cute' . i suppose they are . i can admit to smiling a few times because the babies were cute . other instances , though , i was howling in laughter due to the inane stupidity of the script . there are supporting characters who have no personality whatsoever ; their entire existence is based on punch lines . peter macnicol and kim cattrall , as an unwilling couple who have adopted sylvester's twin , are both miscast . then again , i don't suppose any performer could handle the uneven material without looking incredibly stupid . meanwhile , dom deluise plays a fellow who gets hit in the crotch with a monkey wrench ( hahaha ) . i would avoid baby geniuses at all costs . instead of watching this , i would recommended filling your bathtub with cement and going snorkeling . or perhaps you would consider going diving in shark-infested waters . anything to avoid this painful movie . the final line in the film , spoken by the bratty sylvester , is `if they think i'm doing the sequel for less than $20 mill , they're nuts' . sequel ? please have mercy .
28	neg	synopsis : cro-magnon ayla loses her mother to an earthquake and escapes certain death by a lion . reluctantly rescued by a neanderthal clan who likes to have sex doggy-style , ayla grows up to become a blond , feminist supermodel who challenges the neanderthal patriarchy by throwing rocks and giving birth without a mate . comments : allow me to state for the record that i find daryl hannah an appealing presence in movies . she proved quite charming as the intelligent astronomer in the romantic comedy roxanne and equally creepy as pris in the sci-fi classic blade runner . the clan of the cave bear clearly tries to capitalize on hannah as a selling point : the poster art bears a striking closeup of hannah in tribal paint and the video box prominently features her name in lettering the same size as the title . not even her starring role in this turkey , unfortunately , can save it from being an unbelievable exercise in cheese . it's so uniquely bad ( a film dealing with prehistoric man that actually tries , and miserably fails , to be serious ) that it's oddly fascinating . the ridiculous attempt at drama here leaves the audience somehow transfixed , wanting to see how this dud plays out . the clan of the cave bear is based upon a popular novel by jean m . auel . to this day , the book possesses a loyal cult following . i remember a dear friend of mine had a dog-eared copy of the novel she had read as a child with all the so-called dirty parts blacked out with marker by her grandmother . i have never read this book , but i sure hope it's 10 , 000 times better than its film adaptation . if not , then i'm at a complete loss to explain its popularity . the clan of the cave bear immediately opens with a comically absurd scene . a young ayla , looking much like drew barrymore in e . t . , tramps about in the woods . with her cute little ponytails and fur wrapped about her , the audience's expectations of a convincing portrayal of prehistory are immediately shattered . what follows is a laughably choreographed sequence in which an earthquake swallows up ayla's mother ( a blonde with fur pants . . . er , leggings ) . tearful ayla looks on as the cameraman shakes the camera . . . well , as the earthquake slowly recedes . a hungry lion becomes interested in her for lunch , but the screaming six-year-old manages to outrun the king of the wild and find a safe haven . i won't detail the story any further ; this seems enough to illustrate my point . this movie is really stupid . it never even gives the audience a chance to suspend their disbelief . also , the obvious comparison between the appearance of cro-magnon man in prehistory and the rise of feminism in our century is about as subtle as burning a wonderbra in front of charlton heston . the movie doesn't just suggest this message ; it whacks the message into the audience with a two-by-four . a blond , gorgeous woman challenges the social laws of a bunch of people in gaudy brown wigs . she's of the " new people " ; they're of the " old people " with " the memories . " yep . we get it . we get it . the clan of the cave bear apparently received an academy award nomination for best make-up , which surprises me . the movie depends upon a lot of make-up obviously , but much of it is unconvincing . as stated before , daryl hannah is daryl hannah here ; she looks like she just stepped out of the shower all the time . the rest of the characters have dark make-up of some sort smeared over them to look like dirt . the face-painting that's occasionally seen is perhaps the only notable work here in my mind . this movie also suffers from its new age trappings . maybe the music sounded a lot more fresh or original during 1985 , but now it sounds dated and cliched , like poorly conceived elevator music . add to this the film's faux-mysticism , including spirit animals and dream visions , and a narrator who sounds like a psychic you'd expect to hear on a 1-900 number , and you get a movie that has serious problems being serious . the clan of the cave bear is rated r , though it's probably one of the most inoffensive offensive films i've seen in quite a while . it contains several scenes of sex sans nudity . the violence mostly consists of hunting scenes . the funniest moment of the movie occurs when a neanderthal in love with ayla attempts to rescue her from a ferocious bear . the bear bites his head off and the audience sees it rolling about . although this may sound gratuitous , i'm sure , it's so cheesy that it probably won't bother most people . the clan of the cave bear is a bad movie . however , as i wrote at the beginning of this review , it does have the distinction of originality . typically when i think of bottom-of-the-barrel films dealing with early man , fantasy movies involving dinosaurs ( who did not exist at the same time as man ) and raquel welch come to mind . the clan of the cave bear tries so hard to be serious that , though it's so bad , the audience is still interested by the unique setting and characters of the movie ( which is why i awarded this turkey two stars ) . i have to think that fans of the book would be disappointed with this film version ; however , i'm only basing this observation on the fact that the book is almost invariably better than the movie . i shudder to think that it could be otherwise . . .
29	pos	trees lounge is the directoral debut from one of my favorite actors , steve buscemi . he gave memorable performences in in the soup , fargo , and reservoir dogs . now he tries his hand at writing , directing and acting all in the same flick . the movie starts out awfully slow with tommy ( buscemi ) hanging around a local bar the " trees lounge " and him pestering his brother . it's obvious he a loser . but as he says " it's better i'm a loser and know i am , then being a loser and not thinking i am . " well put . the story starts to take off when his uncle dies , and tommy , not having a job , decides to drive an ice cream truck . well , the movie starts to pick up with him finding a love interest in a 17 year old girl named debbie ( chloe sevigny ) and . . . i liked this movie alot even though it did not reach my expectation . after you've seen him in fargo and reservoir dogs , you know he is capable of a better performence . i think his brother , michael , did an excellent job for his debut performence . mr . buscemi is off to a good career as a director !
30	pos	this sunday afternoon i had the priviledge of attending a private screening at the sony astor cinema in new york city , of james cameron's most heralded film , titanic . postponed from last summer , with an escalated budget that makes it the most expensive movie in history , this was one film i was eager to preview . so , is this movie going to sink or swim this holiday ? my best guess . . . . it will sink , though with many awards attatched to its hull . no doubt , titanic is the most elaborate disaster movie ever made . it boasts the most amazing effects that i have ever seen done to date . to see a ship fall apart , with actual people running across the ship , flying across the deck , and falling to the water , is just amazing to look at . the effects are so stunningly realistic , you would swear you were looking at actual footage . but titanic is more than a disaster movie , and that's where the problem lies . there is a love story attatched that nearly ruins the entire premise . i'll give a capsule summary of the story without spoiling anything for you : the film begins with a modern day excavation of sorts of the sunken titanic . we see actual footage of the sunken ship , as cammeron had set up special cameras to film the wreckage on the ocean floor . bill paxton leads the expedition , in search of sunken treasure . what he finds instead , leads him to a mysterious old woman who recounts her tale of the titanic voyage . we meet rose ( kate winslet ) , a young woman , who comes from an upper-class family . rose is to be wed to a man she does not love . we meet jack ( leonardo dicaprio ) , a young man , who comes from a poor financial background , and wins a ticket aboard the titanic , in a poker game . the two meet under interesting circumstances , and the love story begins . add in a jealous fiance , and a not-so-nice law officer played by david warner , and you have a story that , well , gets a bit overplayed and oversappy . i must add , at this point , that the most likeable character in the movie is played by kathy bates , as a woman with " new money " who is a lot less uptight than the other rich folk on the ship . she is a pleasure to see on screen . when the ship does hit the iceberg at exactly 1 : 40 into the film , and eventually sinks , you never really feel for any of these characters . the film is just loaded with unlikeable rich snobs and other folk you never really get a grasp on . the effects are tremendous . from the roars of gears and pumps in the engine room , to a doomed ship cracking at the seams , this is an effects picture that looks and sounds like no other . we saw titanic in dolby digital surround , and by far , it is the best sounding movie i have ever seen . my friend commented it was the best sound mix he has ever heard . when people are in the water , at film's end , you are surrounded by the voices of lost soles . titanic runs far too long . the movie is 3 hours and 15 minutes in length . and , while most of the first 2 . 5 hours runs very fast and well-paced , the final 45 minutes almost comes to a sudden stop , and you realize that this sappy love story has to finish itself out before the movie finally ends . don't get me wrong about titanic . . . . it's not a bad as i am making it out to be . it really is an exceptionaly well-made film . the costumes and sets are incredible , and true to the time period . the ship is painstakingly created exactly true to form , as we see actual pictures of the modern-day wreckage , transformed into the movie depiction . this film will certainly win on effects , costume , set design and sound . cameron has certainly made his best film to date . unfortunately , titanic is not a best picture candidate . it just doesn't have a strong supporting story . it's an exceptional disaster film with sappy filler inside . it just doesn't have the emotional impact that i suspect mr . cameron was shooting for . i predict that titanic will open to likeable reviews . it is a film worth seeing . i predict that it will only do moderately well at the box office . with its extreme running time , and lack of enough robust to get substantial word-of-mouth , i expect that it will do even better on home video . this will certainly be the definitive ac3 movie for all you home theater enthusiasts . titanic opens december 19th , and is released by paramount pictures and twentieth century-fox . i give titanic 3 stars ( . that's not bad . ron epstein riginally posted in home theater forum ===
31	pos	a big surprise to me . the good trailer had hinted that they pulled the impossible off , but making a blues brothers movie without jake blues ( john belushi ) is such a dumb idea i really had no hope . they replaced him just fine . not with john goodman , he didn't do much of anything , but with the brilliant actor joe morton , who can really sing . the fourth blues brother is j evan bonifant , who's ten . this was another of my fears for the film , but he's a really good dancer , and plays a mean harmonica ( although he may have been dubbed ) . things that intellectually had bothered me before , like no mission from god , everyone being richer , it not being filmed in chicago -- gave me no problems at all . i'm quite pleased that there were less car pile-ups , because they meant less music , and john landis seems to have lost interest in the whole thing . there's a few early crashes , and then one huge pile-up , but after that it all stops . it's just the music . one of my problems with the first is that cab calloway's song is so good the actually blues brothers look dull after him , but there's no problems with this . the music is all as good as ever , tons of great musicians showing up -- with the exception of johnny lang , who can't sing , all the musicians do a great job . the only real problems i had was the special effects . these were superfluous and a waste of money . since the film isn't doing very well , they could mean we have no possibility of another sequel , which i want to see . the bluegrass version of riders in the sky is even better than rawhide . -- http : //www . geocities . com/hollywood/academy/8034/ remove no spam to reply . " drive carefully but recklessly " , mama , child's toy " the only excercise i take is walking behind the coffins of friends who took exercise . " peter o'toole
32	neg	call it a road trip for the walking wounded . stellan skarsg ? rd plays such a convincingly zombified drunken loser that it's difficult to spend nearly two hours of screen time in his smelly , boozed-out presence . yet this ever-reliable swedish actor adds depth and significance to the otherwise plodding and forgettable aberdeen , a sentimental and painfully mundane european drama . playwright august strindberg built his career on families and relationships paralyzed by secrets , unable to express their longings until the hour is far too late . that's an accurate reflection of what aberdeen strives for , focusing on the pairing of an alcoholic father , tomas ( skarsg ? rd ) and his alienated , openly hostile yuppie daughter , kaisa ( lena headey , gossip ) . they haven't spoken in years , and wouldn't even be making the long trip from norway to aberdeen , scotland by automobile if it weren't for kaisa's mother ( charlotte rampling , under the sand ) rotting away in a hospital bed from cancer . in a soap opera twist , mother has only a few days to live . ( only in the movies , right ? ) too blitzed to even step foot on a plane , tomas hits the open road with kaisa . loathing each other all the while , they make periodic stops for tomas to puke on the dashboard or pass out -- whenever he isn't muttering what a rotten kid she turned out to be . despite his sloshed viewpoint , tomas recognizes that the apple hasn't fallen very far from the tree . kaisa gets nosebleeds from snorting coke , sabotages her personal relationships through indifference , and is unable to restrain her quick and vindictive temper . ain't they a pair ? unable to find true notes of unspoken familial empathy in the one-note and repetitively bitchy dialogue , screenwriters kristin amundsen and hans petter moland fabricate a series of contrivances to propel events forward -- lost money , roving street hooligans looking for drunks to kick around , nosy cops , and flat tires all figure into the schematic and convenient narrative . by the time they reach the hospital , it's time to unveil the secrets from a dark past that are not only simplistic devices that trivialize the father-daughter conflict , they're also the mainstays of many a bad strindberg wannabe . this revelation exists purely for its own sake . aberdeen doesn't know where else to go . weak , unimaginative casting thwarts the pivotal role of kaisa . if lena headey were a stronger actress , perhaps aberdeen could have been able to coast on the performances and moody , haunting cinematography ( rendering norway into its own pastoral ghost world -- the reference to a certain superior american indie flick intentional ) . headey's too busy acting , using her face and furrowed brow to convey every last twitch of insouciance . if she were paying any attention to skarsg ? rd , maybe she'd figure out that doing less can reveal so much more . it's worthwhile to compare aberdeen to an earlier film released in 2001 , jonathan nossiter's captivating signs & wonders . it's not just because skarsg ? rd and rampling played disturbed parental figures in both films ( they're not bound by ceremonial wedlock in aberdeen ) . the differences in the way their characters were presented is significant . in aberdeen , rampling is a luminous diva , preening and static in her hospital bed . despite skarsg ? rd's solid performance as tomas , his pathetic drunk is never given much of a chance to emote anything besides catatonic sorrow . there's genuine ferocity and sexually charged frisson during their understated confrontations in signs & wonders , allowing them to suggest a gray zone of complications that accompany torn romance and years of stifled curiosity . nossiter's film thoroughly explores this neurotic territory in addition to delving into the americanization of greece and the use of mysticism as an illusion to deflect pain . if signs & wonders sometimes feels overloaded with ideas , at least it's willing to stretch beyond what we've come to expect from traditional drama . aberdeen is never half so ambitious , content to sleepwalk through the rhythms and timing of other movies . when did character driven stories stop paying attention to the complexities of real life ? the depressing answer can be found in lawrence kasdan's trite but occasionally useful grand canyon , where steve martin's hollywood mogul pronounces , " all of life's riddles are answered in the movies ! " even foreign films are taking that advice to heart .
33	pos	capsule : the director of cure brings a weird and very complex concept to the screen . one viewing will not be enough to understand fully the premise of pulse . the idea is something about ghosts and the internet . the film has an amazing apocalyptic style . , +2 ( -4 to +4 ) perhaps the most disturbing ( and disturbed ? ) filmmaker in the world is kiyoshi kurosawa . his films all seem to have one style , bleak . the worlds he creates are terrifying and cold . little known in the us to date , his films deliver the kind of horror that so many of our filmmakers promise and are unable to deliver . most of his ideas are fresh and at the same time morbid . his 1998 film cure , with one of his niftiest ideas , is just now getting a sadly limited release in the us and hopefully enough people will see it that his name will soon be one to conjure with . cure is probably his classic . last year he released seance , a remake of seance on a wet afternoon . that was perhaps a miscalculation inserting supernatural elements into a non-supernatural story . pulse is kurosawa back on form . taguchi , a young computer expert , is late with his delivery of some important software . two co-workers go to his apartment and find it a dismal dark affair in spite of his computer equipment . taguchi , acting very strangely , lets his friends look for the missing software . meanwhile he slips behind a plastic curtain . when he fails to respond to calls his friends follow him behind the curtain and discover he has hanged himself . if that was not horror enough the body seems to disappear leaving just a strange dark mildew-like spot on the wall . taguchi's computer seems to have been infected with some kind of computer virus . people whose computer gets the virus seem superficially to die via suicide . but they are not entirely dead . their spirits seem to remain present somehow in the real world and on the internet . people who get the computer virus are asked if they want to see a ghost . if they say yes , they seem to be able to see real time images of the spirits still nearby somehow . the computer shows them impossible images of ghosts in their own rooms as seen from cameras that do not exist . this is all somehow connected to heaven and hell somehow filling up and overflowing " like a computer disk . " instead the dead seem to be staying on earth and inhabiting computer viruses . there is some sort of passage between worlds having something to do with doors marked with red tape and strange electronic disturbances on computers . leave it to kurosawa to find a new kind of death . this is a film that has more weird ideas piled together than lifeforce and somehow kurosawa makes the film all work . it may not totally convey his message of isolation and its parallels to death , but whatever it does convey is nightmarish . kurosawa , who directs his own screenplay , ties his story into the real world with some familiar and accurate computer discussion . frequently the plot is advanced with character hunches being assumed to be fact . his plotting is frequently hard to follow and always very strange . junichiro hayashi , the cinematographer who recently has been doing all of kurosawa's films , creates a dark , cold , and gloomy tone . images are obscured by semi-lighting or are behind plastic curtain . scenes are not milked for their horror the way american exploitation films might . people are shot with guns but there is little if any blood in evidence . seeing black silhouettes on computer screens is not immediately scary . kurosawa is not going for and easy visual shock , but a deeper metaphysical dread . of any horror filmmaker in the world , kiyoshi kurosawa is the one to watch . i rate this metaphysical look at isolation a 7 on the 0 to 10 scale and a +2 on the -4 to +4 scale .
34	pos	look back at all the times in your life when there was a fork in the path to the future . some sort of decision had to be made , and , for better or worse , it irrevocably altered the course of your existence . >from time-to-time , everyone thinks about the roads not taken , and how things might have turned out if the choice had been different . perhaps even more dizzying to contemplate is how a seemingly minor action -- catching the 10 am train , for example -- could have an equally profound , yet less obvious , impact . maybe that's where you met your significant other , and , had you reached the platform just a few seconds later ? film makers are no less fascinated by issues of destiny than anyone else , and that's why there's no shortage of movies about this subject . the best of the bunch were probably made by the late polish director krzysztof kieslowski , who was obsessed with questions of fate and chance . these themes weave their way through many of his movies , including decalogue , the double life of veronique , and the triptych of blue , white , and red . however , they are most explicitly examined in a 1981 film called blind chance , where kieslowski presents the three different fates of one man after a minor action ( missing or catching a train ) changes the course of his life . in his autobiography , kieslowski on kieslowski , the director describes his attraction to the concept this way : " [the idea is] rich and interesting ? that every day we're faced with a choice which could end our entire life yet of which we're completely unaware . " while this approach has been the fodder for several notable dramatic films ( including , in a way , frank capra's it's a wonderful life ) , sliding doors is the first romantic comedy to plumb its depths . the " road not taken " approach isn't just a plot device , either . writer/director peter howitt expands upon both possible fates of a character after she just misses/catches a train . the audience watches , with ever-growing fascination , how this one event impacts upon every aspect of her life : her future career , where she lives , whom she loves , and whether she has a family . as her separate destinies diverge and then re-converge , she becomes two completely different individuals . that woman is helen , played by gwyneth paltrow as a long , dark- haired brit . one day , after losing her job as an advertising executive , she decides to return home in the middle of the day . the scene of the pivotal moment is a train platform . in scenario #1 , she just slips through the sliding doors before the train pulls out of the station . on board , she meets the cheerful , talkative james ( john hannah ) , a monty python fan who is taken with her beauty . minutes later , in her flat , she walks in on her lover , gerry ( john lynch ) , in bed with another woman ( jeanne tripplehorn ) . in scenario #2 , she misses the train and , shortly thereafter , is the victim of an attempted mugging . she doesn't meet james and fails to make it home in time to discover gerry's infidelity . juxtaposed one against the other , while sharing many places , cues , and characters , the two stories proceed in parallel from there . on one level , for viewers who enjoy pondering the workings of fate , sliding doors can be viewed as a deep and wonderful experience . but , for those who just appreciate a romantic comedy characterized by solid acting , a script with a few twists , and a great deal of genuinely funny material , sliding doors still fits the bill . one of its most obvious strengths is that it can satisfy many different types of audiences -- those who demand something substantial from their motion pictures , and those who could care less . it shouldn't come as any surprise that the acting , at least from three of the four leads , is solid . paltrow , who does double duty as two helens who are initially the same , yet gradually become much different , is the standout . she plays both of her roles effectively and believably -- the shy , insecure woman who stays with gerry and the liberated , platinum-blond who severs the ties to her old life and embarks on a new career with a new man . john hannah , known to most american viewers as the younger gay character in four weddings and a funeral , is instantly likable . john lynch , taking a break from movies about ireland's troubles , does a good job presenting gerry as a inept , selfish philanderer . only jeanne tripplehorn , who plays an over-the-top vixen , seems out of place . her attempts at broad comedy are occasionally jarring , and it's occasionally difficult to see her lydia as anything more than a plot element . one member of the supporting cast deserves special notice . douglas mcferran , who plays gerry's best friend , russell , is an absolute delight , stealing every scene that he's in . part of this is surely because he is given the best lines in the movie . on one occasion , he has a marvelous monologue bemoaning how advances in the telecommunications industry have trapped men into a life of monogamy . on another occasion , while laughing at gerry's plight with the women in his life , he comments , " being with you makes the wait for the next episode of seinfeld more bearable . " but it's not all in the dialogue . mcferran tears into this part with relish ; his performance becomes one of the most memorable aspects of a top-notch comedy . this is the first feature film for peter howitt , and he approaches the task with unimpeachable aplomb . the script is shrewd and inventive , combining wit , romance , and intelligent melodrama into a crowd-pleasing whole . sliding doors grants more than just a good time at the movies , however . for those who are so inclined , its central theme offers an opportunity to ponder some of the more philosophical questions about the workings of the universe -- all while having a good time .
35	pos	most people fit into two different categories : you either love woody allen , or you hate his guts . my family , for the most part , hates him and his movies . i think he's very funny , but his shtick has gotten forced and contrived over the years . so maybe taking his body away was the best decision any producer could have thought of . unrestrained by physical boundaries , allen's humor comes shining through . those who had problems with his physical appearance will be able to join the rest of us in laughing at allen's intelligent observations of life . those who had problems with his verbal comedy may want to skip this one . in 1995 , a film was introduced to audiences which sparked their imaginations and showed them something they'd never seen before . toy story used state-of-the-art computer technology and presented a world of toys who would come alive when no humans were present . many critics will call that a better film , but i believe they only say that because it was a completely original motion picture . antz , however , has upped the ante considerably . disney's a bug's life isn't due out for another two months , and dreamworks seems to have received the better end of the deal . by beating disney out , they have satisfied the audience's thirst for computer-animated films . but don't let that fool you : disney is definitely not scared . in the past two years , competitions have broken out between studios . in 1997 , it was the volcano duel . in my opinion , dante's peak came out way ahead of its predecessor , both in time and in quality . volcano had an original premise , but destroyed that with some very ridiculous situations . in 1998 , there are twice as many competing films . first was the comet competition , and armageddon blew away it's cheesily dramatic competitor deep impact . but now , it's even more interesting , as one beloved studio ( disney ) goes up against the newcomer ( dreamworks ) . who will prevail ? time will tell , but i'm sure that mr . mouse has nothing to fear . this may sound like i didn't like antz ; on the contrary , i'd put it up there with toy story . but due to it's pg rating , many parents may be put off by some of the dialogue which shouldn't appear in disney's version . some of the dialogue in antz pushes the envelope for a family-oriented film . sexual innuendoes and profanity pop up occasionally , which makes dreamworks' animated feature geared more for an adult crowd . the humor is also written especially for adults , though many kids were laughing in the theater i attended . this is the type of film that should be made for families more often : entertaining for kids and entertaining for parents . antz begins with a hilarious monologue which seems a meld between woody allen's shtick and franz kafka's metamorphosis , the short story of a man who wakes up to discover himself as a bug . z ( allen ) is a troubled ant , believing he was not made to be a worker . " when you're the middle child in a family of five million . . . " he comments about his neglected childhood . one night , z is sitting in a bar with his friend weaver ( sylvester stallone ) , discussing his pathetic place in life . in walks princess bala ( sharon stone ) , whom no one recognizes without a crown . bala asks z is he would like to dance , and they engage in a pulp fiction-esque dance while everyone else is following the leader . after discovering that she is the princess , z falls in love , but there's a problem : bala is getting married to general mandible ( gene hackman ) , a ruthless leader who merely wants to control a better and stronger colony . in order to do that , he must eliminate not only the queen ( anne bancroft ) , but the weakest of the colony , namely the worker ants . but to get rid of the queen , he needs to get rid of the loyal army ants who would be willing to die for her . he and colonel cutter ( christopher walkin ) come up with a plan to send the loyal ants off to battle , where they will surely be killed . the queen is reluctant at first , but decides it is best for the colony . meanwhile , z wants to meet bala again , and he asks weaver , an army ant , to switch places with him . so z gets sent off to battle , but he manages to survive the slaughter by the termites . the battle sequence is absolutely stunning , though you may have flashbacks to starship troopers , which contained a very similar sequence . however , antz and that 1997 film were both in production around the same time , so the similarities are merely coincidence . the second half of the film revolves around z's kidnapping of bala , and their search for a mythical place called insectopia . there , an ant can be his own boss and have all the food he wants . the adventures z and bala get into are surprisingly high in tension , especially one involving a magnifying glass . looming over the targets like the spaceships from independence day ( in fact , i'm just going to assume that the producers referenced id4 intentionally ) . the ants look up in awe , and then a beam of fire blasts into the ground . visually , it's an exciting rush of adrenaline . but don't be fooled . . . little kids shouldn't see this , as they may just try and copy it . after seeing antz , i vowed never to intentionally step on an ant again . hopefully , children will learn that killing ants is rather cruel . as an animated film , antz is probably the best you will find to date . visually , it's as stunning as what dreams may come . the best aspect of animation is the fact that the characters aren't limited by gravity . they can take ridiculous situations and make them seem plausible . one great moment involves a mass of worker ants bunching up to form a wrecking ball . the animation is so perfect that you can virtually see every single ant on the ball . however , the most exhilarating scene involves bala getting stuck to the bottom of a young boy's shoe . it's truly a great example of film making at its finest . with computer technology , the animators have carefully made the ants' faces look similar to the actors providing the voices . the best example would have to be barbatus ( danny glover ) . at one point , you can even see the pores on his face ( although , i doubt ants have pores . . . do they ? ) . barbatus also has a touching but rather gruesome scene as he has his final words with z without a body . young kids may be disturbed by the site of a dismembered head , but a good deal of humor is derived ( more appropriate for adults , of course ) . disney's a bug's life looks good , but i don't know if they will be able to best dreamworks' newest animated feature in terms of animation . if not , then dreamworks will have done something no other studio could do : go head to head with the big mouse , and knock him down ( yes , anastasia was good , but not nearly as good as even the worst of disney ) . vocal talent is always essential to an animated feature , and antz has one of the best line-ups seen since toy story . in fact , it far exceeds that one . woody allen has always been funny , but here he transcends most of what he's done in the past few years . without a body , his comic timing is the most noticeable thing . in fact , i'm pretty sure that the writers let him improvise a lot of his lines . sharon stone as bala shows off some of her comic ability , though for the most part , stone works best as a dramatic actress . sylvester stallone ( teamed up with stone once again ) is beginning to solidify his statement that he wants to be an actor , not a typecast action star . after a snub at the oscars last year , stallone is proving himself as the serious ( or comedic , as illustrated here ) actor that he is . gene hackman is superb as the gruff-talking general , almost doing another take on his crimson tide persona . christopher walkin is probably more noticed by his voice , and so many people will remember him from such hits as batman returns . anne bancroft has a minimal role , but she's effective nonetheless . danny glover has a small role , but he does a very , very good job . dan aykroyd and jane curtin also lend their voices as two lovesick , euro-trash bees--both are very unrecognizable , especially aykroyd . jennifer lopez plays a worker ant who falls in love with weaver , although most people won't recognize her voice either . many people will recognize grant shaud's voice as the foreman . he played miles on the tv show murphy brown . this is definitely a huge cast with some high-profile names , and it will definitely help it's grosses . of course , you can probably tell where a lot of the $60 million budget went to , also . directors eric darnell and lawrence guterman are relative newcomers ( though guterman did direct a 1994 feature , headless ! ) . but both show an incredible talent for this type of a picture . tense at times , and very funny throughout , the two hold this film together like professionals . the screenplay by todd alcott and chris weitz is quite simple in plot , but it contains a lot of subtlety that makes the film more suitable for adults . kids will delight in the animation , while parents can laugh heartily at the humor . most of it will go over young children's heads . does that mean you shouldn't take kids to see it ? not at all . they will have a lot of fun watching this one . what is great is the themes that are given to us . part social commentary , part romance story , and part moral drama , antz gives everyone something to talk about , whether it be the animation , or the discussions of individualism and community . thankfully , it's not subtle in either aspects . antz is rated pg for mild language and some intense action . sometimes the language can be pushing the limits for a family movie , but the violence is what should keep kids at home . the battle scene has ants melting in acid , and bugs being speared to death . and the magnifying scene shows an ant disintegrate in the beam of sunlight . but other than that ( and some sexual innuendos ) , it's a perfect choice for some wholesome fun at the theaters . i doubt many children will understand the sexual innuendos unless they are old enough , but it's still advisable to leave really young children at home . have i confused you enough ? if you do take your kids , i recommend seeing the film with them , because more than likely , you'll enjoy it the most .
36	neg	it's difficult to expect much from a director whose greatest accomplishments to date are a handful of " award-winning " tv commercials , as is the case with bubble boy director blair hayes . that said , hayes's feature film debut lives up to expectations , coming off mainly as equal parts offensive and moronic . but occasionally , bubble boy transcends its substandard roots with glimmers of humor and scathing social commentary . those moments of intelligence are delivered mostly by the film's two stars , jake gyllenhall as the immuno-deficient jimmy and swoosie kurtz as his over-protective , hyper religious , reagan-loving mother . gyllenhall's sweet-natured delivery of jimmy's hilariously na ? ve narration serves as the backbone for an otherwise flimsy coming-of-age story : jimmy is a bubble boy , a kid born without immunity who could die if he comes in contact with a single germ -- a plight explored more seriously in the john travolta tv movie boy in the plastic bubble and less so on seinfeld . his mom home-schools jimmy , filling his head with wildly twisted conservative propaganda and anti-sexual messages , until he's befriended by chloe ( marley shelton ) , the beautiful girl next door . jimmy falls in love with chloe , but is afraid that his love will literally kill him , as evidenced in a scene when she drunkenly tries to enter his bubble for a kiss . but when chloe decides to marry her high school boyfriend , jimmy builds a bubble suit and embarks on a hijinks-addled cross-country voyage to stop the wedding by professing his love . the offensive bits have little to do with jimmy's rare handicap ( regardless of what the film's protesters would have you believe ) , but instead center on outrageous racial stereotypes , including a screaming chinese strip club owner and a devout east indian hindi . but even if you find stereotype humor funny , it's hard to muster more than a giggle for these shallow gags . they even manage to bungle some potentially great moments with a group of carnival freaks . but a few of the harsh jabs manage to work , especially in the case of kurtz , who very bluntly shows the dark , hypocritical side of the religious right , and a wacky send-up of a cult called " bright 'n shiny , " led by the inimitable fabio . unfortunately , a few giggles can't make bubble boy the riotous , off-the-wall comedy it so desperately wants to be . honestly , it's a mystery how on earth this movie was ever made , and i'm not just saying that because it's so mediocre . how odd for disney to take a gamble on a film with an unknown director starring virtually unknown actors that doesn't seem to appeal to any particular demographic and has the potential to offend so many . and now that the studio is suffering through a very public protest against the film by the parents of real-life bubble boy david philip vetter , maybe disney's wondering the same thing . hope the opening box office take makes it worthwhile .
37	pos	there's more to a quilt than fabric and thread--each patchwork design has its own unique story ( or stories ) to tell . in how to make an american quilt , the first hollywood release from australian director jocelyn moorhouse ( proof ) , we come to understand how the tales of the seven makers imbue their creation with passion and vitality . all the sorrows , joys , longings , sufferings , and loves of these women are sewn into their quilt and , as their bittersweet memories are given expression , one young woman applies these lessons of the past to her own uncertain future . motion pictures are filled with male bonding rituals ; how to make an american quilt presents a distinctly feminine alternative . the " quilting bee " consists of seven members : sisters gladys ( ann bancroft ) and hy ( ellen burstyn ) ; sophia ( lois smith ) , a woman known for frightening children ; emma ( jean simmons ) , the timid wife of a perpetually unfaithful man ; constance ( kate nelligan ) , who has been having an affair with emma's husband ; anna ( maya angelou ) , the leader of the group ; and marianna ( alfre woodard ) , anna's daughter . the project they're busy with is the wedding quilt for hy's granddaughter , finn ( winona ryder ) , who has just become engaged . she's spending the summer with hy and gladys , and away from her fiance , to decide whether a lifelong commitment is really what she wants , and whether it's better to marry a friend or a lover . one of the greatest pleasures of how to make an american quilt comes from watching an array of fine performances by an impressive ensemble cast . from winona ryder , ann bancroft , ellen burstyn , and maya angelou to minor players like rip torn , claire danes , and kate capshaw , this film is overflowing with realized talent . the performances are good enough , in fact , to cover up many of the script's weaknesses . how to make an american quilt is basically an unremarkable , if affecting , tale of love across the generations--a sort of truncated american version of the joy luck club , with a dash of fried green tomatoes added . there are probably too many characters . so , instead of really getting to know a few of them , we are presented with quick glimpses into a single defining event in each of their lives . we learn about the root of the smoldering resentment between gladys and hy , and are told the reasons why emma stays with her husband and sophia is so irascible . there are other episodes as well : the love of anna's life , marianna's soul mate , and a look at the reasons why constance entered into an affair with her friend's husband . the sum total of these tales is meant to provide the framework for finn's story : whether to go forward with her marriage or dally with a hunky stranger . there is no emotional epiphany in how to make an american quilt . the stories are all well-told , but it's difficult to really connect with the characters--their moments pass so quickly . while we certainly feel something for each of the eight principals , our emotional investment is tenuous . there isn't enough depth to pull the viewer in all the way , and many of the personalities and relationships feel half- formed , like a quilt with patches missing . to put it bluntly , while i enjoyed watching this film , it didn't " do much " for me . on the whole , how to make an american quilt is a nicely-understated drama that has a lot to say about love , passion , and monogamy in relationships . finn's segment is by far the most compelling , because she's the focal point : her actions are shaped by everyone else's experiences . the other patches of this american quilt are successful only to varying degrees . if there's a disappointment here , it's that the script doesn't have more resonance , but the privilege of seeing such a fine cast in top form allows a viewer to enjoy this picture even if the story is somewhat conventional .
38	pos	let me first say that the conditions that i was forced to watch the matrix under were less than ideal . so i have tried to be as fair as possible considering that my viewing experience was significantly less than ideal . i watched the matrix in a theater that is in serious need of upgrades at the best of times . under no circumstances , should it have ever been allowed to show a big budget special effects laden film like the matrix . this theater , owned by the parent company of one of hollywood's biggest studios , hasn't even graduated into stereo sound yet . the mono sound that the audience was subjected to sounded as if it was coming out of a speaker that was many years past mandatory retirement age . in other words , the sound sucked . as someone used to digital sound in a movie theater , bad sound doesn't do anything to add to a film . i'm not even going to go into the horrible splicing job that the projectionist did putting this film together . there , i've had my rant , now on with the regularly scheduled review . which sadly won't include commentary on the film's sound which i'm assuming was spectacular , but i'm just guessing . my guess on the sound seems like a fairly solid one considering the visual quality of the matrix . it is nothing short of stunning visually . sadly , the rest of the film , while pretty good , doesn't quite measure up to the obvious effort that was expended on making this film look so darn good . the matrix has at it's core a good concept , although it strays into the confusing side more often than i would have liked . keanu reeves plays a computer hacker who is drawn into the frightening realization that reality is just a hoax . it turns out that that many years ago the world was devastated by some sort of disaster . now machines run the planet and humans spend their lives in a sort of incubator , plugged into a computer network . the computers are generating a virtual reality world which is a representation of the earth before it was destroyed . the population of the planet never realizes that their entire life is a hoax and that they really spend their entire lives as comatose . that is except a small band who have discovered this horrible secret and have escaped their virtual prisons . they now spend their lives combating the computers in an effort to expose this lie . reeve's character , neo , is recruited by this band of rebels led by morpheus ( laurence fishburne ) . newcomer carrie-anne moss and one of hollywood's most underrated actors , joe pantoliano , join fishburne in the band of freedom-fighters . the action sequences are nothing short of spectacular . this can be attributed as much to the amazing special effects as to many of the actor's extensive pre-production training in martial arts . this lends itself to some of the best martial arts sequences that you are ever likely to see in a film . when you add this to some of the wild effects in the computer generated world , it all adds up to an eyeful . as i already said , the visuals far outpace the rest of the film . acting in the matrix is not bad , but it certainly isn't real good either . keanu reeves gives his usual fairly emotionless performances . although to his credit , it is one of his better performances . laurence fishburne on the other hand often seemed to forget that he was in a sci-fi action film . more than a few times he delivered his lines as if he thought he was performing in some sort of shakespearean drama . joe pantoliano was a little under used in this film but he made the most with what he had . carrie-anne moss turned out a surprisingly good performance for this her first feature film role . it's nice to see that she was cast as much for her talent as for her breathtaking looks . you have to give all of the main actors a healthy dose of credit for the work that they obviously put into the physical training for their roles in this film . it was clear that no small effort went into getting the moves down perfectly for the fighting sequences . i also put much of the blame for the somewhat strained performances in the matrix on the dialogue , which was terrible at times . in more than a few places it got way too existential for my liking and at other times it was just plain weird . it almost seems as though the writers were having a difficult time trying to figure out how to explain the concept for the movie . so they decided to make the dialogue as obtuse as possible so that no one could figure out what the heck they were talking about . thereby covering up any leaps of faith that they may have had to make in the departments of logic and believability . my other major complaint with the matrix was with the very unsatisfying ending . the setup for it was hokey and frankly used in many a bad film before . the ending itself was just plain strange . the main reasons to recommend the matrix are the visual effects and computer animation which make this a real treat to watch . while the rest of the film ( acting , dialogue and to a degree plot ) detract from the high production values , they don't detract enough to prevent me from recommending the matrix as a fun way to spend an evening .
39	neg	note : some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers . be forewarned . to assess alex cox's film the winner as a loser would be so indolent . it would be derisive . it would be glib . it would be dismissive . it would be entirely accurate . rarely have i seen a film as excruciatingly annoying as the winner , a would-be comedy which quickly proves to be tedious , unfunny , and unengaging . the film attempts to be fresh and quirky , utilising a myriad of colourful characters to weave its absurd tale , but appears to overlook the fact that nobody in the film is remotely interesting and that all of the characters are essentially preposterous . the film is set in las vegas , and the focus in the winner is on philip ( vincent d'onofrio ) , an aloof , naive young man blessed with the odd gift of luck ; he virtually cannot lose at the tables . despite this prodigious talent , philip is perpetually mournful and quite indifferent about his gambling fortunes , neither taking joy in his winnings nor having the foresight to mask his abilities . consequently , he becomes an easy target for those who would ride upon his coattails and take advantage of his talent . louise ( rebecca demornay ) , a sultry lounge singer , insinuates herself into philip's life for the purpose of swindling him , while philip's estranged brother ( and , conveniently , louise's ex-beau ) johnny ( michael madsen ) arrives on the scene . ( to add some colour , johnny also happens to be toting their father's corpse , sans one hand . ) meanwhile , philip is also befriended by a trio of low-rent , opportunists ( frank whaley , billy bob thornton , and richard edson ) , who have every intention of taking advantage of their new buddy's gift with the dice . serenely overlooking the chaos from behind the scenes is the casino owner ( delroy lindo ) ; it is probably not giving away much to reveal that his role in the winner is essentially that alluded to at the end of the flashy sequence in martin scorsese's casino which details the organization hierarchy of a casino's operations - he * is * the eye in the sky . it could be maddening to endure a film whose central protagonist is so oblivious of the ongoing blatant manipulation , but fortunately this is not the case in the winner , if only because our sadsack hero is such a sap ; not even remotely sympathetic or compelling , it becomes impossible to root for philip or even care about his fate , and the would-be swindlers of philip's fortunes are all drawn out as such ludicrous , transparent buffoons with entirely unimaginative and uninteresting schemes that one watches the winner with a complete sense of disinterest . it is a shame , as the winner features a talented cast - mr . d'onofrio is an underrated and gifted actor with a huge range ; mr . lindo has a remarkable screen presence which infiltrates every film in which he appears ; mr . madsen , ms . demornay , and mr . whaley have all done good work in the past . none of the actors in the winner are in top form here , and this film won't likely be a prized addition to their respective resumes . director alex cox does what he can with wendy riss' screenplay , and it is to his credit that this film at no point feels like an adaptation of a stage play ; i was startled to learn that the winner was in fact based upon one . while tedious , the film is well-paced and does not meander , but it would be near-impossible task for mr . cox ( or , for that matter , virtually any other director that comes to mind ) to overcome the film's widespread shortcomings in plot and characterization . to his credit , my understanding is that he has chosen to distance himself from the project in acknowledgement of its deficiencies . i caught the winner at its world premiere at the toronto international film festival in september 1996 , and in fairness it is entirely possible that the film has been extensively revamped since then due to the lacklustre audience reaction generated - there were more walkouts on this film than any of the others i screened . to be honest , though , i couldn't begin to isolate what could be done to this film to improve it - i assume that throwing the whole thing out and starting over is out of the question . the winner has apparently played on cable television in the united states and is beginning a limited theatrical release at the time of this writing . the film has a nice upbeat score by pray for rain , but i am honestly not being facetious when i state that the thing i treasured most about my screening of the winner was the bag of popcorn upon which i was munching .
40	neg	the first film produced by adam sandler's happy madison production company ( clever title eh ? ) is essentially a one joke movie , much like the movies sandler stars in himself . however the difference here is that this one joke just isn't very funny . rob schneider stars as the title character , a scruffy fish tank cleaner who ends up becoming a " man-whore " to raise enough money to replace a wealthy client's custom made fish tank , which deuce destroyed while staying in his home . deuce goes on numerous " dates " , and each woman he goes out with has a " humorous " quirk about herself . one has narcolepsy , one has tourette's syndrome , one is a man . . . etc . etc . my problem is that we see all of these women in the film's trailer , so why do i need to watch the movie ? seen the trailer . . . seen the film . only a quick cameo from norm macdonald ( and a follow up joke during the closing credits ) generates any chuckles . deuce bigalow : male gigolo is available on dvd from touchstone home video ( a division of di$ney ) . the disc includes the film in its original theatrical aspect ratio of 1 . 85 : 1 , and features the original theatrical trailer ( as well as trailers for mystery alaska , happy texas , and outside providence ) , an extremely brief production featurette ( which contains footage not used in the film ) , and storyboard-to-scene comparisons . yep , you read that right . . . there are storyboard comparisons on this dvd . two scenes are storyboarded . . . neither of which are particularly exciting . there are fight scenes in this movie , so why aren't we seeing storyboards of those segments ( especially the parody moments from the matrix ) ? i wonder what's funnier : the fact that any moment in this film required storyboards or that di$ney thought fans of this film would want to see them ? deleted scenes ? sure . audio commentary ? you betcha . but storyboards ? come on . [r]
41	pos	" seven " is one of the best mystery movies i've ever seen . it's extremely intriguing and suspenseful , but it's also quite fun . it's a serial killer mystery , but you don't care so much about making the killer pay as much as hope they just catch the killer . the story is a cops-on-the-trail-of-serial-killer mystery . someone is murdering people who are offenders of " the seven deadly sins . " a fat man ( gluttony ) was forced to eat himself to death , a lawyer ( greed ) is slaughtered by his own rich possessions . . . i could go on but revealing any more would give away entirely too much . what makes this film so unique is the characterization of the " good guys " which makes the unseen villain seem so vile . brad pitt stars is quite excellent as detective david mills , the cocky rookie . however , morgan freeman is even better as detective william sommerset , the wise veteran on the verge of retirement ( and he doesn't get killed by the end ) . there is a great sense of camaraderie here which often provides for a breath of comic relief . this is impressive because the mood is so tense , and the fact that it can be down-played as well as it is here ( let alone at all ) is quite an accomplishment . the setting takes place in present day new york city but the art direction is able to give the city a feeling of the evil , scary place many believe it to be . the production design is superb , in the spirit of " batman " and " the crow , " this film embodies the gothic mood . the way the words fade in and out , along with the freaky nine inch nails music really add a lot to the story on a subconscious level - even the credits are scary ! the killer's victims have no connections at all , and thus mills and sommerset don't have much to go on to solve the case . they can only wait for the next murder to occur which makes for tremendous suspense . we become just as tense and worried as the detectives because of this thick atmosphere of the unknown . not that many films have such an interesting and intriguing screenplay as this . the only problem i had with the film is the way in which mills and sommerset are lead to a suspect . let's just say it seems a little too " mystery movie , " or too convenient in other words . when they are led to a suspect by the name of john doe , a terrific chase scene ensues . this is a typical thrilling element , but it works perfectly here because of the process of the story . if anything , this film is the epitome of twist endings . i don't have to tell you mills and sommerset finally catch the criminal , but the way in which this happens is surprising . there is a scene of intriguing philosophy between the killer and the detectives , and even though he's obviously insane , his charisma makes for some good points . what's even more surprising is the last few scenes themselves as the suspense comes to a terrific climax as the film's resolution comes down to a question of what justice really is . " seven " is not just a film about crime , but about the evil within man . john doe felt he was doing society a favor by ridding it of " scum . " but as justified as he makes himself seem , we must never be tempted by such twisted ideals of justice .
42	pos	just look back two years ago at the coen brothers' comedic gem the big lebowski , change the actors , take away the bowling alley , add a record store , and you've got high fidelity ( or maybe the other way around since nick hornby's novel high fidelity came first ) . either way , it's been done before , a trio of losers cracking jokes and complaining about their failed romances , yet it remains consistently funny . why is this ? maybe because you know your life is much better than this , you know these guys are more pathetic than you are , and you know its ok to laugh at them because they're fictional . director stephen frears , possibly not intentionally , has created a movie that makes you feel good about yourself and even that ostensibly no good uncle who watches television twenty four hours a day . when watching high fidelity , expect to laugh at someone else's pain , realize what you are laughing at , and then laugh again . i laughed at dick ( todd louiso ) , the shy , timorous , steve buscemi character of lebowski , who seems to know what he is talking about but either can't put it into words or is harshly rejected by his friends . i laughed at the john goodman character barry ( jack black ) , an exact replica of the comic bookstore owner on the simpsons , pudgy , egotistic , and obnoxious at the same time . and i laughed at rob ( john cusack ) , the jeff bridges type , whom the story revolves around . rob is the character easiest to relate to , but he is nothing like you at all . he uncontrollably cheats and lies , then is unable to realize why he can not hold onto a woman . and like his other miserable friends , pop music is where he inevitably goes for comfort . he spends the afternoons at his job quizzing his coworkers with obscure trivia or listening to new music and either deriding it or praising it . whatever human emotions the clash , aretha franklin , and bruce springsteen records hold , rob and co . grasp them and help fill voids in their social lives . rob has built an extensive collection in his record store as well as his home and he organizes them depending on what mood he is in . during this confused stage of his life in which the movie focuses on , rob is trying to cope with numerous rejections over the years by visiting past girlfriends and eventually asking why they dumped him . but these aren't any girlfriends ? these girls made the all time top five break ups in the history of rob ( rob's incessant use of lists show how pop music has played a major role in his life ) . the plot in three words is : women and music . the approach director stephen frears takes by having the charismatic rob speak directly to the camera is very effective . it gives high fidelity a quickly paced , informal structure , adjectives which perfectly parallel rob's own lifestyle . it also helps open the viewer's eyes as to how annoying barry is . jack black steals the show with a hilariously realistic performance as a total sleaze ball . just listening to him speak for five minutes makes the audience immediately sympathetic for rob , who must work with him every day of the week . what frears does so well is that he makes us feel sorry for rob while laughing at his misfortunes . john cusack plays his character convincingly but it is the strong supporting cast , consisting of big stars and character actors , that really defines rob . now instead of rob just talking to the camera , after he explains something , the remaining cast members physically and humorously create what he is trying to say . the only problem with high fidelity is that it doesn't end when it should have ended . instead the movie goes on for a torturous twenty minutes that seem a lot longer than that . also bruce springsteen is completely wasted in a brief cameo halfway through the movie . high fidelity is a cheerful , old fashioned comedy with a voluminous soundtrack and as many laughs . i just hope hollywood keeps creating losers on the big screen , they make everyone look and feel great .
43	neg	by phil curtolo " madonna - antonio banderas - jonathan price - in an alan parker film - with music from andrew lloyd weber - and lyrics by tim rice - evita . " now i have to admit , the trailer for this rock-opera-turned-major motion picture is almost breath-taking for some . the soundtrack is wonderful to listen to . so why wouldn't the movie be wonderful to see . simple , a little over 2 hours of constant singing can almost drive you insane . the story of eva duarte ( madonna ) , evita is full of drama that's trapped inside by all the notes and chords . she was an orphaned child who ends up becoming a hooker , then goes into the field of acting , and finally meets juan peron ( price ) , the soon-to-be first president of argentina . they fall in love and eventually marry . sounds pretty good , doesn't it . well the story gets better , as eva goes on the " rainbow tour " across europe , trying to win respect . eva duarte was a wonderful lady . however , all of the drama-packed moments above were never understood because the actors and actresses sang to fast to be understood . i went into theater 4 at magic cinemas with the attitude that evita was going to be terribly boring and i left with happy , because i was right . they only thing that kept me awake during the movie was the loud bangs of the drums and strums of the guitar . although it did come off as dull , the beautiful cinematography is eye-catching , as was madonna's performance . as the " spiritual leader of argentina , " madonna would have definitely been an oscar-contender had she spoken a single line . but her chance was taken away with the stubbornness of making an exact replica of the broadway musical a film . don't get me wrong and don't look at my grade . i am not a big fan of musicals on the big screen . if you're going to pay to see a movie , you want to see a movie . now i have to admit , it's a lot cheaper to pay $5 than $200 plus to see the play , but that's what did me in . all this review contains is my opinion and my grade was set before i even saw the movie . now you may be saying , " what kind of critic is he ? , " and you're right . as a critic , i should have given the movie a chance . but as a 17-year old quentin tarantino fan , it was way too hard . ,
44	pos	tempe mills cinema , az--this movie had us in non-stop stitches from beginning to end . all those promotional clips that have been on tv for the past month came from the first five minutes of the movie . if you thought they were funny , see the rest of the movie . it's hilarious . how does one go about making a movie about a couple guys whose only claim to fame is synchronized head-bopping on snl to exactly one song ? easy . write an interesting script around tried-and-true ideas , add some good lines and satire , and voil ? , you end up with an excellent , well-done , very entertaining flick . will and chris are idiot brothers forced by their father to work begrudgingly in the family flower business during the day . at night they pursue their life-long ambition to loose their virginity in failed attempts to get into the roxbury in beverly hills , ca , the only disco act worth going to . the only problem , the place is so popular and the waiting line so long that by the time the brothers make it to the front door , the roxbury closes , all the while bearing witness to guys with one-hundred-dollar bills and movie stars like richard grieco who get past the doorman without fuss . the script authors ( steve koren , will ferrell and chris kattan ) cleverly devised a way for our boys to get into the roxbury . their flower-shop van is rear-ended by richard grieco , who fears a law-suit and is surprised to see the idiots are too star-struck to think about the car accident they just had , but not about getting into the roxbury . grieco happily takes them in , even introduces them to the owner , which has the added benefit of enhancing the financial appearance of the idiot brothers in the eyes of a couple of gold diggers ( elisa donovan and gigi rice ) who bet their time and bodies on will and chris . what follows are some of the best slap-stick dancing routines ever . the music is superb , and could have only been made better had the producers added patrick hernandez's born to be alive . the choreography at times was a parody of an era gone by , for example , the bee gees and their stayin' alive . it is nostalgic for those of us who remember that far back , and the technique is a clever adaptation that worked well in forest gump . one of the funniest scenes is when the gold diggers discover that will and chris don't have any mone y , and dump both on the spot , even expressing violence and anger that they gave sex away . an art-imitates-life poke at shallow women . it's a scene that's an approximate parody of the vinegar's own rolf luedeke's editorial this week national organization for men ( nom ) replaces now . ted " unabomber " kaczynski , himself rejected for not having money , will identify well with this scene , if he ever watches the movie . of course , the script wouldn't be complicated enough without adding molly shannon , the girl next door who has had a crush on will since they were kids , and who will has had an aversion to in quest of good-looking disco blondes ( proof that men will turn down perfectly good women when there are bay watch babes always lurking nearby ) . nevertheless , will's father wants him to marry molly anyway , but thinks idiot chris is standing in the way and sends him into guest-quarter exile . during the wedding ceremony , will's heart isn't exactly into getting married , and when his brother appears on the balcony with a ghetto blaster and more head-bopping music , will thinks worse of the knot-tieing idea and runs to chris . definitely an snl parody of the graduate where katharine ross changed her mind for the screaming dustin hoffman in the church balcony . i found this scene a riot , however , it went over brandi's head -- she was born seven years after the graduate first appeared . the scene has a good punch line when molly shannon marries , instead , the step-in buddy/weight-lifter ( who looks like he could pass for the son of gary busy ) and who has been lusting for a good-looker for a long time , but ready now to take anyone . more art-imitates-life stuff -- not even muscles can substitute for money in the real world . the idiots' mother is played by loni anderson , whose barbie-doll looks don't play well anymore ( she's a bit old ) , and whose cleavage looks like someone botched a tracheotomy too low down . i recommend this movie for anyone who wants to have a lot of fun or in need of a lot of laughs . go with a date . brandi laughed non-stop , as i did , and a deaf-mute might have concluded i was tickling her continuously for 105 minutes .
45	pos	plot : a human space astronaut accidentally falls upon a planet ruled by apes . he is taken prisoner along with some other humans , and tries his best to escape his simian captors . oh yeah , and did i mention that the apes can talk ? kewl ! critique : despite this film not looking like a " tim burton movie " or its lead human character showing any signs of being a human being himself , i did find myself generally entertained throughout most of this film and do recommend it as fun , summer fare . although the thing that sets this movie apart from all others is definitely its incredible ape make-up jobs and characterizations . i mean , i was completely convinced that every single one of these apes was for real ! i also have to " give it up " to all of the actors inside the costumes , not only for waking up at three in the morning every day to get make-up slobbered all over them for 2-4 hours , but for coming through their costumed exteriors and selling us their characters on the screen as well . i especially enjoyed bonham carter's performance , who i believed to be the most developed character in the entire film ( human or ape ) and tim roth's bad guy , who chewed up scenery and oozed evil in every scene in which he took part . plot-wise , i liked the beginning of the film , the whole build-up once wahlberg got into the village , the escape and most of the fight scenes , but once things got out into the deserted area ( and the final battle sequence ) , i kinda lost a bit of my interest . i was much more intrigued by the interactions between the characters and the whole idea of " human beings as animals " then i was about the end battle sequence , which just seemed a bit too typical for this kind of film . i also hated the " kid " character who just got on my nerves and didn't really care for the way that the battle sequence was resolved ( i won't ruin it here but c'mon guys . . . you coulda thought of something a little more plausible than that , no ? ) . but the thing that held this movie back more than anything else was its lead character , his cold demeanor and the zero chemistry that he shared with either one of his inter-species love interests . this dude didn't seem to give a rat's ass about anyone but himself and i ultimately didn't really care about what happened to him either . now i'm not sure if this was the fault of the actor or the script , but the film suffered because of it . visually , the movie was also nice to look at ( especially the apes ! ) , but i definitely expected greater coolness from tim burton . the " surprise ending " that highlighted the original planet of the apes film back in 1968 , felt a little tacked on here , and despite being interesting , didn't really make all that much sense to me ( unless you look at it from a sequel point of view ) . so overall , i loved the whole " feel " of the planet , the apes that ruled it , the manner in which they treated the humans , screamed , shouted and reverted the entire evolution chain , but didn't appreciate the film's lack of human character development ( why was kris kristofferson even in this movie ? ) and the fact that its lead male and female humans were just plain boring . but i would still recommend this film as a fun , summer movie with laughs , creepiness and a really cool premise . ps : for anyone who has seen the original , i cannot believe that they didn't at least bring back the scene in which the lead human character ( in this case , mark wahlberg ) goes nuts at the world in which he's suddenly been thrust ( " this is a mad house ! " - type of thing ) . the guy in this film barely seems to be " put off " by the fact that he's surrounded by apes who can speak english ! ! where's joblo coming from ? the arrival ( 8/10 ) - battlefield earth ( 7/10 ) - godzilla ( 4/10 ) - instinct ( 6/10 ) - mission to mars ( 3/10 ) - pitch black ( 7/10 ) - ( 1968 ) planet of the apes ( 9/10 ) - sleepy hollow ( 8/10 )
46	pos	did claus von bulow try to kill his wife sunny in their newport mansion ? that is the question reversal of fortune asks you to consider as it opens in a hospital ward , with a comatose sunny von bulow . she is the main narrator of the film , in a narrative trick that was extraordinarily risky for schroeder . the dramatic trick works , as sunny von bulow narrates a compelling story of murder , sex , unhappiness , and a lawyer's moral dilemma as he takes a case he thinks he cannot win . jeremy irons is claus von bulow , in what is his finest role , and one of the most devastingly evil performances in history . he is as hated as any man alive , as cold as a cucumber . his remorse for his wife's comatose condition is nonexistant , and it is no wonder that even his children have difficulty accepting his version of what happened during christmas , 1980 . the background to the case is such . during christmas of 1979 , sunny von bulow fell into a deep coma from which she recovered and awoke . the same situation occured in 1980 , only sunny never woke , and probably never will . when examined , it was found that she had 14 times the normal amount of insulin within her blood . claus von bulow is then accused of attempted murder by his stepson , convicted , and freed on bail . he immediately hires alan dershowitz , the renowed harvard law professor , to acquit him . ron silver is magnificent as a moral lawyer who cannot stand what has happened to him . we follow him through two very different cases ; the case of the johnson case , where two innocent kids are standing on death row for a crime they didn't commit , and von bulow , who he still hasn't figured out . dershowitz doesn't know what happened to sunny , and he is extremely hesitant to take the case . nevertheless , he does , based on certain things which happen during the investigative process that deeply upset him . together with a group of law students , dershowitz concocts a defense and ultimately get the verdict reversed . silver's performance is one of a handful of solid roles in this deep film . schroeder directs on many different levels , with multiple plot lines which blend in wonderfully in the mind of alan dershowitz . there are flaws ; at times , the film gets overly theatrical . yet , due to glenn close's troubled and brutally honest performance as sunny von bulow , the use of her comatose body as a narrator works here fairly well . the flashbacks are good , but at times schroeder doesn't fill in the blanks . the movie could have benefited with the increased attention of certain developments during the film , and it could have used a better ending . the film progressed wonderfully before ending suddenly , without any intelligent conclusion . the supporting characters are often neglected , and dershowitz's team should have been allowed to grow character wise , but schroeder over-simplifies the story and the characters . yet , for all these flaws , the film is deeply engrossing because of irons . as von bulow , he is brutally evil . anti-semitic , prejudiced , arrogant , protective , he is a rotten , lying monster , whose conviction may have been wrong legally , but morally he was to blame . irons plays him to a cold perfection , with pathetic attempts to gain moral support for his claims to innocence . he is an adulterous liar and a cheat who in all likelihood committed the murder . however , the genius of reversal of fortune comes in its distinction between moral culpability and legal responsibility . there is no doubt von bulow is responsible for his wife's death by years of neglect and coldness . however , legally , did he do the murder ? schroeder dares the viewer to make up his own mind . with all the character flaws , reversal of fortune is an engrossing puzzle because it is intelligent ; he wants the viewer to make up his own mind . schroeder taunts the viewer with contradictory revelations , and then mentions that the answer to this compelling puzzle shall be revealed when we join sunny von bulow , in death . for all the failed dramatic theatrics , this is one that works beautifully . we don't know what happened . that sense of legal ambiguousness , along with von bulow's obvious moral guilt , is why reversalf fortune works . in the end , von bulow is as sadistic as ever . irons is haunting , and that is why reversal of fortune is so good .
47	neg	barb wire , pamela anderson lee's first foray into films , highlights the fact that her only talent lies in her silicone enhanced assets . being the only notable member of the cast , the camera lingers lustily o n her body at every opportunity , making her character's catch line , " don't call me babe , " sound very ironic indeed . from the very opening of the movie , we are treated to a striptease routine from anderson , ending in her hurling her stiletto smack between the eyes of a lusty male who happened to call her babe . throughout the movie , there is ample footage of enormous breasts and cleavage , if not of anderson's , then at least of the female extras . this alone is enough to retitle the movie babe wire . for a plot , barb wire rehashes the casablanca storyline . it is 2017 , the middle of the second american civil war , and barb wire , a former resistance fighter , runs a joint in steel harbour called hammerhead ( ! ! ) . known for attracting resistance fighters an d characters of all sorts , the bar attracts the attention of the government forces who appear dressed in nazi-style uniforms . in between bashing up helpless males and showing off her trademark breasts , barb wire has to help a former lover and his wife get to the airport on the other side of the town , past the government-controlled areas , and to freedom . even the airport looks like the one in casablanca , except that the plane in the background is a modern , private jet . there are hardly any significant moments in this film , and one gets the impression that it was designed for young teenagers familiar with the dark horse comics version of " barb wire . " if anything , one leaves the film with the confirmation that anderson di d not do her own stunts . who could fight and jump in a skimpy , strapless leather top , and yet keep her breasts from spilling out ? only a stuntwoman . not pamela anderson lee .
48	neg	fantastically over hyped , godzila finally lumbers onto the big screen . the film opens with footage of nuclear testing on the french polynesian islands , then an attack on a boat from some beast , and finally we join dr . nick tatopoulos ( broderick looking about 17 years old ) doing some research in chernobyl . some shady u . s government guys appear , and ask him to come to an island where they have massive footprints , from what looks like a giant lizard . and what's more , this beast is heading for new york . gulp ! although godzilla should be a non stop roller coaster ride , and at some points it is , there is something curiously uninvolving and unexciting about this movie . the main faults lie with the acting and writing , common problems with 'summer blockbuster' movies . broderick is pretty useless as the hero , with no humour or a 'tough guy' image . while emmerich's previous summer flick , independence day ( 1996 ) had wisecracks and action from jeff goldblum and will smith , this has neither . also , maria pitillo , as broderick's former girlfriend , is just as useless , with a chronic disability in acting . she's incapable of showing emotion , speaks every line in the same way , and basically she's total crap . it's up to french actor jean reno to save the day , and indeed he does , turning in a campy performance as a french secret agent . shame he has such little screen time in such a overlong film . hank azaria also turns up as a crazy cameraman named 'animal' , and he adds a little life to the picture . also making an appearance is harry shearer ( probably best know for doing voices in the simpsons ) as a slimy news reporter . o . k , so the acting is not up to par , but it never is in these movies . but what about the script ? well , that's not up to par either . emmerich and screenwriting pal dean devlin seem so caught in the destruction of new york city that they forgot to write a script . the dialogue is banal ( broderick looks at a lot of fish and utters 'that's a lot of fish . ' ) , and the character development is non existent ( reno plays the typical frenchman ( 'no croissant ? ' ) , broderick forever remains a geeky scientist . ) also , the film is seriously lacking a sense of humour . the jokes that are uttered are pathetic , and there's an 'hilarious' running gag about siskel and ebert . ( the mayor is mayor ebert , and is assistant is called gene ! ha ha ha ha ! . ) the plot is dire , and in the end just rips off jurassic park ( 1993 ) by having lots of baby godzilla's ( i . e . velicorapters ) running around new york . right , so the script and acting suck . but what about the special effects ? thankfully , they're are quite good . godzilla is an impressive piece of cgi , although we don't see much of him because the movie is so dark . the destruction of new york is pretty well done aswell . but although they are impressive , they can't save godzilla from being an hugely disappointing and boring movie . the movie goes on for far too long aswell , and it can't seem to decide on a ending . and of course , the ending itself leaves possibility for a sequel . let's just hope one never arrives .
49	neg	one of the indicator of badness in film is the hype being remembered more than film itself . such was the case with boxing helena , 1993 directorial debut of jennifer chambers lynch , daughter of the great david lynch . made in the dying years of post-twin peaks lynch craze among movie snobs , it was hyped as another , " warped , twisted masterpiece " of lynch clan . kim basinger also provided extra publicity by quitting the lead role and being sued for the breech of contract . but , the result was extremely disappointing film , which quickly sank into well-deserved oblivion . the movie protagonist is nick cavanaugh ( played by julian sands ) , talented surgeon who is getting obsessed by helena ( sherilyn fenn ) , beautiful woman who ditched him after brief affair . cavanaugh stalks her and uses every opportunity for the pathetic attempts to re-establish the relationship . during one of such occasions , helena is hit by a car , and nick quickly takes the role of her personal physician in order to have his way with her . after she wakes up , helena discovers not only that she is prisoner in cavanaugh's stylish residence , but also that cavanaugh amputated her legs in order to prevent her from escaping . she is still trying to escape , so cavanaugh takes off her arms . apart from casting sherilyn fenn ( audrey horne in twin peaks and small cameo in wild at heart ) and the use of twisted characters and their perverse fantasies , this film by ms . lynch hasn't got anything in common with the works of director's more talented father . despite rather bizarre subject , the style of this film is conventional and setting is light , characters are beautiful - but the result at the end is quite sterile and the film in the end looks too artificial for dark sexual fantasy it was supposed to portray . jennifer lynch obviously lacks talents in directing and it becomes painfully obvious in the scenes that are supposed to erotic - its banal artificiality is even bellow the standards of playboy videos . the actors aren't good either . julian sands is terribly miscast as emotionally disturbed man - this actors is best either when he plays charismatic protagonists or villains ; being neurotic doesn't suit him . bill paxton was better for this role , but his presence was wasted in forgettable and unnecessary subplot dealing with helena's boyfriend . sherilyn fenn contributed to this film mostly by her looks , but even the her greater effort in acting couldn't help this film . the screenplay , on the other hand , is awful , at least for someone who had made best-seller with laura palmer's diary - the events in this movie are implausible , characters come and go without purpose and many unnecessary subplots only slow down the film and add to the total confusion . one of those subplots involves character of cavanaugh's " regular " girlfriend , played by betsy clarke . the twist at the end , although unpredictable , is unbelievable and the viewers , who had the stomach to endure entire film , would feel cheated . all in all , boxing helena is disorganised quasi-artistic mess of a movie that should be remembered as nothing more than one of the wiser decisions in kim basinger's career .
50	neg	capsule : godawful " comedy " that's amazingly shabby and cut-rate , and rather bereft of laughs . i was having a bad week in my life when i saw austin powers : international man of mystery . i desperately needed something to cheer me up , or at least distract me so i could get a clear head . get some perspective . even dumb movies can do that for me , sometimes . i tried hard not to let my dejection affect my judgment , but i am certain now that austin powers would have also sucked rocks through bamboo shoots on the day i won the lottery . michael myers has taken a character that would barely have supported a five-minute sketch on saturday night live and stretched it to the length of a feature film , padding it out with toilet jokes and the sort of props-strategically-positioned-between-naked-actors-and-camera gags that benny hill got tired of fifteen years ago . the plot , what little there is of it : back in the swinging mod hep sixties ( i don't think i'm doing a disservice to the movie's attempted early look and feel by describing it that way ) , sexy british secret agent austin powers tangled with his nemesis dr . evil . evil launched himself into orbit and cryogenically forze himself to return decades later , when powers was out of the picture . powers also had himself frozen , and he wakes up to find the nineties a very hard time to deal with . the basic gag , that of powers' total inability to cope with the nineties , is not so much exhausted during the course of the movie as never even really dealt with . the bulk of the movie is taken up with dumb jokes of several basic rubrics : james bond gags ( of which this movie has no end , right down to the silly character names ) , inept slapstick , toilet humor , and strategically placed props . . . the movie's amazingly bereft of ideas , come to think of it , with a couple of bright exceptions . one is dr . evil's son -- there is a sidesplitting scene where father and son go to an encounter group , chaired by carrie fisher -- and the other is a throwaway gag where austin mimics various forms of transportation from behind a couch ( it's a visual gag -- hard to describe , and hard to recommend seeing the movie for ) . a lot of sixties kitsch has been resurrected and thrown on the screen for this movie , but it's desperate rather than clever . instead of skewering the whole thing , it's a rather bloodless and unfunny tribute . myers himself is also desperate : he's given an idea to play , not a character . plus , the attempts to make the character work by giving him a relationship with another sexy ( albeit " nineties " ) agent are a waste of time . i wanted to have the movie end with him trying yet again to get it on with her , only to have her deck him one . with a couple of exceptions , the movie misses all of its own best moments . the movie even looks cheesy , and not in a good way : i kept wondering if it had been transferred down from hi-def video or something , so grainy was the film stock in a good many scenes . the whole thing has the air of being done on the cheap . my definition of comedy is simply : did it make me laugh ? the few times that i laughed in austin powers were completely offset by the time i spent cringing and wanting out . the most damning thing i could say about the movie is that wayne and garth would most likely have shoved it into mike tyson's shorts and sent it sailing .
51	neg	first troy beyer wrote the critically panned " b . a . p . s . " now she makes her directorial debut , writing , directing , and starring in this sub-par film about women talking about sex . though not without redeeming qualities , this film is bad . the basic story follows three single friends -- jazz ( beyer ) , lena ( randi ingerman ) , and michelle ( paget brewster ) -- in their search for love . jazz has an idea for a local talk show ; it would feature women talking about sex and dating . she and her friends make a demo tape of interviews with the women of miami . the film itself is sprinkled with these real interviews throughout , both as part of the plot and as commentary on the situations of the main characters . the fact that they are real provides a refreshing break from some of the more melodramatic moments in the film . there are several moments of bad acting , corny dialogue , and emotional overextension . in a low-budget independent film from a first-time director , these faults can sometimes be forgiven , if the screenplay is fresh and solid . that is not the case here . the script suffers from random plot developments . there are four or five of these turns in the plot , each one raising the question " where did that come from ? " at one point , a character has a lifelong reconciliation with her mother . we are supposed to be moved , but since the scene is completely un-led-up to , we really don't care if she and her mother get along . we've never seen her mother before . we never see her again . who cares ? what's worse , these sudden developments are supposed to engage our sympathy . at another point , a character announces that she can't have children . apparently , this is devastating . we wouldn't know this because she never talked about having kids before , but we are nevertheless expected to be devastated for her . the scene feels like an afterthought , its emotion manipulative and shallow . these scenes grow worse and worse , culminating in an absurd climax . two scenes were played with such overwhelming melodrama that i found myself laughing . one scene is a lover's spat between two minor characters . the other has the main characters expressing their copious grief by cleaning house in wails of despair and clouds of ajax . thinking on these scenes , it is hard for me to admit that the film has redeeming qualities . but it does . first , it is original . we men often wonder what women talk about when they are alone in groups , and i imagine this film gives me a pretty good idea . it's something i don't think has been the subject of a film . second , the interviews of the miami women are sincere . taken together , they form a mosaic picture of miami beachwalkers and bistro diners . the mosaic is made of sound bites and stereotypes , but each tile is some woman's real experience . neither the picture of women , nor their picture of men , is truly representative , but the point is that both sets of generalizations are telling in their own way . at some level , the stereotypes that emerge can be called true . i can imagine some people liking this film when its characters talk about their " likes , dislikes , skills , and thrills , " but on the whole , it's pretty bad . and that makes it even harder to forgive the bad acting , corny dialogue , and emotional overextension . i'll give beyer one more strike , and then she's out . rated r ( almost got an nc-17 ) for explicit sexual dialogue and nudity .
52	neg	michael richards leaves his spot as kramer on the infamous seinfeld tv sitcom for a stint as a lanky , goofy best friend to jeff daniels' lawyer character in this ill-fated , and unfunny , " comedy " . plot : richard the actor ( richards ) has to take the place of charles the lawyer ( daniels ) in a real court case , after charles is left unintelligible from a night of heavy drinking at his bachelor party . the film follows the antics of the two men as they try to get away with their tomfoolery . critique : this movie did not make me laugh once . perhaps it was because i was tired when i watched it . perhaps . perhaps it was because i had seen richards perform most of the same schtick a thousand times on seinfeld . perhaps . perhaps it was because the movie just wasn't funny . absolutely . the lack of humour wasn't the only issue that i had with this film either . the movie attempts to weave a couple of love stories through its vision , but unfortunately , they are also lacking in conviction , believability and credibility . they are contrived and appear to be placed into the story for convenience sake . the actors were all adequate enough in their roles , but the problem didn't lie in the acting . i wish i could find one good reason for you to see this waste of time , but i can't . unless of course , you need something playing on your tv set while you waste some time around the house . overall , this movie stinks . on the good side , charlize theron is darn cute , and the movie is no longer then 90 minutes . on the bad side , this movie is not funny , interesting or enjoyable in any which way possible . a person wouldn't even enjoy his nachos while watching this emptiness . please skip it . little known facts : jonathan lynn earned a degree in law from cambridge before becoming an actor/director . charlize theron grew up on a farm outside benoni , south africa , as the only child . at the age of 18 her mother made her go to los angeles to try a career in the movie industry . she came to la without knowing anyone in the city but after two weeks when she was standing in line on hollywood boulevard an agent gave her his card . after eight months in la she got her first part . since then she has taken acting lessons and her career has skyrocketed , specifically in devil's advocate ( 8/10 ) . charlize was narrowly beat out by elizabeth berkley for the lead role in the " movie " , showgirls . she was quoted as saying " it was like i had some guardian angel . "
53	pos	" remember what the mpaa says : horrific and deplorable violence is ok as long as you don't say any naughty words . " featuring the voice talents of matt stone , trey parker , mary kay bergman . rated r . filmmakers jump on real-life controversies faster than austin powers on felicity shagwell . the debate on whether cinema is to blame for teenagers turning into hoodlums has only begun to heat up , and already someone's made a movie about it , and it's not , thank god , a tragic account of a family ripped apart by the effect violence in films had on a teenage boy . instead we get a sharp , biting satire that takes no prisoners and leaves no conservative point of view unscathed . based on a popular ( and controversial ) cable tv show , south park : bigger longer and uncut can finally break loose of the shackles placed on the show by television restrictions and take bad taste to brand new heights . the movie is about a group of kids who sneak into a canadian r-rated movie and learn some naughty words . when they exhibit their new knowledge to their moms , they decide to " blame canada , " wage war against the neighbor country and execute " terrence and phillip , " the flatulent actors in the obscene film . the kids form an alliance they name " la resistance " ( with the accent on the third syllable of " resistance " ) to save their favorite thespians , in a hilarious spoof of ( tribute to ? ) les mis ? rables . in a subplot , one of the characters ( kenny , who else ? ) dies and goes to hell where he meets satan . satan and saddam hussein are lovers , you see . satan is a benevolent soul , while our favorite eastern ruler can only think about sex . apparently , too , if terrence and phillip are executed it will be the final sign of the apocalypse and satan can emerge from the deepest bowels of the underground kingdom to rule the earth . aside from being a brilliant satire , south park is also an all-stops-out musical , with unforgettable numbers like " shut your f * * * ing face uncle f * * * er " and " cartman's mom is a big fat bitch " . almost invariably it's funny stuff : often juvenile but always funny . the same can be said for the rest of the movie : it's intelligent but delivered in a sophomoric manner ( i . e . toilet humor , endless profanity , etc . ) . not that there's anything wrong with that : vulgarity , when done right , is my bag , baby . trey parker and matt stone , the twenty-somethings behind the film and the show , paint a bulls-eye on the motion picture association of america and proceed to be the first to start trying to hit it . cruelly mocking the fact that the mpaa's rating system will allegedly tolerate grotesque violence as long as obscenities aren't uttered , the auteurs throw some nasty one-liner insults their way . the ratings-a-plenty association isn't the only target of this unsparing banter : people who favor censoring movies over gun control are equally fair game , with the " blame canada " plot being a not-so-cheap shot at them . the distinctively low-tech " cardboard " animation is oddly effective , even more so than the state of the art " deep canvas " technique aptly demonstrated in the recent tarzan . it's more pleasant to look at , less intimidating up on the screen , and most importantly it doesn't detract from the film's concept as much as disney's admirably awe-inspiring work does . the show's popularity has been waning as of late , and perhaps this movie is just the thing to boost its ratings . perhaps not . having seen the show on numerous occasions , i can say that it's not nearly as smart or as funny as this movie . the series may be better off simply continuing on the big screen every couple years . parker and stone have outdone themselves to the point where i am forced to ask : must the show go on ? ? 1999 eugene novikov&#137 ;
54	pos	everyone knows someone like giles de'ath : stuffy , arrogant , set in his ways , and at war with anything that could in any way be associated with " progress . " giles is a writer , but the product of his typewriter is the kind of scholarly stuff that is immediately put onto library stacks where it can gather dust until some graduate student needs another reference for his or her thesis . his house looks like an immaculate museum ? with no television , microwave , word processor , or other technological gadgets , only the electric lights betray that he's living in the twentieth century , not the nineteenth . this is the kind of role that could easily be turned into a flat stereotype , but john hurt , in what is certainly his best performance in a decade and possibly the most impressive of his long and distinguished career , turns " erstwhile fogy " giles into a three-dimensional human being . despite his tunnel vision , it's impossible not to like the man , especially after his entire being is transformed by that singular affliction to which no one is immune : love . and , as giles discovers during the course of this amusing , warm-hearted motion picture , it's possible to find the object of one's affection in the most unusual places . giles , who is a widower and a recluse , does not frequent the cinema , but when he learns that an e . m . forster film is playing at the local theater , he screws up his courage and decides to go . what he doesn't realize is that the movie house is showing two films : the forster adaptation and a teen exploitation flick called hotpants college ii . a nonplused giles ends up sitting in a darkened room watching buff male and female bodies in various states of undress . just as giles is about to leave , however , he notices ronnie bostock ( jason priestley ) , and , suddenly , it's love at first sight . giles is enraptured , and the moment hotpants college ii is over , he beings to scour stores for bostock memorabilia , including teen magazines and video tapes . ( in order to watch those tapes , giles must buy a vcr , but he initially doesn't realize that he needs a tv to use the vcr . ) eventually , not satisfied with being the world's foremost authority on bostock , giles boards a plane and travels to long island , where his idol's home is located . bostock is away when giles arrives , but the wily englishman manages to befriend ronnie's supermodel girlfriend , audrey ( fiona loewi ) . eventually , the actor arrives home and , impressed with giles' demeanor and intelligence , he begins to rely on the older man's advice . but , while giles' affection runs deep , ronnie's feelings are less constant . love and death on long island is a comedy , and a very funny one at that . in fact , for its first half , the film is nearly-perfect . it suffers a fall-off once giles reaches new york , and the ending , with its none-too-subtle homosexual overtones , is a little too overbearing for the lighthearted material that precedes it . in his gently satirical approach to popular culture and movie stardom , writer/director richard kwietniowski , adapting from the novel by gilbert adair , is 100% on- target . in the process , he not only creates a truly likable and memorable character in giles , but says a few things about the transforming power of love , even if it is unrequited . from start to finish , this is clearly hurt's movie ? he's in almost every frame . it's a role that the veteran actor must have relished , because he makes giles an unforgettable motion picture figure , and does so by means of dialogue delivery , body language , and ever-changing facial expressions . jason priestley , cashing in on his beverly hills 90210 image , is surprisingly effective as the shallow ronnie . he is charismatic , and it's not hard to understand why giles is attracted to ronnie . meanwhile , solid support is provided by the appealing fiona loewi and the always-reliable maury chaykin . love and death on long island is many things wrapped into one : a social commentary ( it tackles the thorny issue of film as pure art versus film as mindless entertainment ) , a buddy picture/love story ( ronnie and giles have one of the most interesting relationships found anywhere on a movie screen these days ) , and a " fish out of water " tale ( victorian relic giles forced into the modern world ) . yet , despite the many laughs love and death offers , it never takes cheap shots . it has a vibrant , beating heart ? and that makes the comedy all the more worthwhile .
55	pos	at first glance , daylight would seem like your typical disaster movie . on second glance it looks that way too . although , as typical disaster movies go , daylight isn't that bad . admittedly , it seems to rip off a great deal of its plot devices from disaster flicks of days gone by ( think poseidon adventure ) . but the decent dialogue and surprisingly good acting make up for the " haven't i seen this scene somewhere before ? " feeling that creeps up all too often during the film . sylvester stallone stars as the recently fired head of new york's emergency response team . by sheer luck , he is in the right place at the right time when disaster strikes the unaware inhabitants of this little film . " what disaster is that ? " you ask , as you inch ever closer to the edge of your seat . glad you asked . through a whole sequence of entirely probable events ( about as probable as hitting the lottery ) a large explosion takes place in the lincoln tunnel running under the hudson river in new york city . the explosion results in the tunnel collapsing at both ends , which causes not only massive loss of life , but traps a dozen people inside the wreckage of the tunnel . good old sly , who is only feet away from entering the tunnel when it collapses , offers his services to the rescuers , who gladly accept it . sly then enters the tunnel through a vent shaft ( think judge dredd ) which he can only go in , and not out off , and proceeds to try to rescue those trapped inside . so begins the fun , but the fun has to be quick , because this tunnel has started to spring a leak . the acting is about what you would expect of a stallone movie . not superb by any means , but far above some of his other films ( think judge dredd again ) . daylight's acting is probably average , or a little above , in terms of this sort of genre , starring this particular star . amy brenneman is the only actor of any note , and she does a pretty good job as stallone's reluctant helper . oh yeah , stallone's real life son , sage , is in this too . sage -- nice name . i guess it could be worse , he could have been named nutmeg or parsley . note to sage -- you are still young . go to school and get a good education -- you don't have a future in acting . the plot runs along the same lines as the acting -- interesting , but predictable . mostly due to the fact that it was pretty well recycled from a dozen other action flicks . the biggest problem with a film of this nature is that they try to cram too many things into the movie . as soon as the cast clears one seemingly impossible hurdle , another one seems to pop right up , even worse than the last one . i realize that it wouldn't be much of a movie otherwise , but it does make the movie a bit predictable . adding to the predictability is the cast of characters , which of course , has to include at least one or two difficult people who want to do things their own way and think the qualified guy ( in this case stallone ) doesn't know what he is doing . why is it in disaster movies we can never have everyone agree with each other and all work together ? would this be too much to ask ? can't we all just get along ? special effects weren't bad -- but i've certainly seen better . some of the scenes , while fun to watch , were such blatant rip-offs that you had to wonder if scripts from old movies were just copied verbatim . especially all of the scenes that involved anything underwater ( the tunnel , of course , starts to flood ) . i really expected gene hackman , roddy mcdowell and ernest borgnine to appear at any minute -- i wasn't sure if i was watching daylight or the poseidon adventure . i suppose if you have to rip off a movie for good ideas , the poseidon adventure is a good one to use . the underwater sequences ( aside from the deja vu ) were very well shot and worked fairly well . they were the best part of the movie by a long shot . better than average stallone flick . i realize that's not saying much when the man has judge dredd on his resume . but certainly not up to the standards of cliffhanger . daylight is a fun movie , and as long as you aren't expecting a whole lot you might even be pleasantly surprised .
56	pos	the coen brothers are back again , this time with homer's " odyssey " as the backdrop in their tale of three fugitives from a mississippi chain gang who trek across the south to find a secret treasure in " o brother , where art thou ? " right for the beginning of " o brother " the coens grab your attention with a chain gang of prison inmates breaking rocks along the road in unison to a work song . the camera flows around the hard toiling men , giving a visually exciting symmetry to the scene that ends with our three heroes - ulysses everett mcgill ( george clooney ) , delmar ( tim blake nelson ) and pete ( john turturro ) - escaping across a cotton field . it is the beginning of a journey that takes on different meanings and urgencies to each member of the trio . a strong suite , as always with the coen brothers , is the depth of character of the folks they create in their films . their characters are goofy and comical , like nicolas cage in " raising arizona " ; or , dramatic , as albert finney and john turturro in " miller's crossing " ; and , even a mix of the two with frances mcdormand in " fargo . " in all cases , and in " o brother , " too , the characters populating their films are three-dimensional people . ulysses everett is a handsome , hair-obsessed petty criminal with a silver tongue and not a lot in the brains department . but , he seems like a genius when compared to the simple , sweet delmar and the maladjusted pete , who follow their self appointed leader to a promised treasure of $1 . 2 million . their odyssey takes on the mystical proportions of homer's original material as they meet all manner of people along the way , including those dangerous sirens who beckon them onto symbolically rocky shoals and a cyclops who beats them and takes all their money . there is magic , too , when delmar believes that pete was turned into a horny toad by the sirens . the story meanders through the different vignettes of the boys' adventures , giving the flick a choppy , episodic feel that disrupts the overall flow . some of the interludes are an epiphany , though . the trio becomes a quartet when they pick up guitar-playing tommy johnson ( chris thomas king ) and visit a radio station in the middle of nowhere , run by its blind owner ( stephen root ) . they become the soggy bottom boys for the sightless radio station man and , without their knowledge , are recorded as they sing the traditional tune , " i am a man of constant sorrow . " it is a wonderful moment of moviemaking and gives us , in my mind , the best movie song of the year . contrasting this and other wonderful moments ( the sexy seduction by the sirens comes to mind ) are some pretentious bits that detract from the overall quality of " o brother . " in particular , near the end , is a scene where ulysses , delmar and pete crash a ku klux klan rally to save tommy from being lynched . the scene is overblown and flashy and reeks of " the wizard of oz . " they don't say " lions and tigers and bears , oh my ! " and there's no dorothy , but it is the land of oz we're seeing here . the highs and lows of the story flow are tempered by fine acting on several levels . george clooney is funny , charming , a little dumb and one of the handsomest actors in the business today . he has the charm of a 30's movie idol and is able to put himself into silly situations with dignity . ulysses has an ongoing obsession with his hair , risking life and limb to get a particular brand of pomade and a supply of hairnets . his vanity will come to plague him as it would any mystical hero-wanderer . while clooney is the name draw for " o brother , " the show stealer is tim blake nelson as delmar . the heretofore unknown nelson is terrific as the simple convict who , at one point , hears the word of the lord and joins members of a church congregation in their mass baptism . delmar is saved and dedicates his life to doing good and provides a richness to his simple character that makes him shine . the taciturn pete , as played by longtime coen collaborator turturro , is the sullen member of the trio and gives them the necessary angst . all together , the tuneful triumvirate is a mix of the three stooges and the three musketeers as they prove to be buffoons , albeit brave ones . the colorful supporting cast is rampant with homerian characters to meet and get to know along the way of the boys' odyssey . charles durning appears as incumbent governor pappy o'daniel , who keeps crossing paths with them in his bid for re-election . john goodman is wicked as the one-eyed bible salesman and con artist , big dan teague . michael badalucco is manic and outrageous as outlaw and bank robber extraordinary , george " babyface " nelson . stephen root is amusing as the blind dj , rep'ing one of the many references to the sightless that abound in the film in mystical ways . holly hunter is wasted in the small role as ulysses' estranged wife , penny ( and the real reason for this adventure , not secret treasure ) . techs are , as expected in a coen brothers venture , first class . cinematographer roger deakins , who has worked on five previous coen films , captures the sultry atmosphere of the south . the photography complements the lush period production and costume provided by dennis gassner and mary zophres , respectively . once again , roderick jaynes - the alter ego of ethan and joel coen - is on board as editor . the high points outweigh the low through most of " o brother , where art thou ? " with particular praise for the wonderful selection of period and traditional music . i give it a b .
57	pos	some of my friends who went to live in usa complain about one thing - that country is very different from the one depicted in hollywood movies . that is especially true for those who end up somewhere in that unexplored land between los angeles and new york where they find , to their big surprise , that the majority of people vote republican , go to church every sunday and usually don't tolerate liberal attitudes that are taken for granted in an average american film . such rude awakening , however , can happen in another direction - conservative people are sometimes forced to discover unpleasant truths about world they live in . something like that happens to jake van dorn ( george c . scott ) , successful grand rapids businessman who shares strong calvinist convictions with the rest of his community . one day his daughter kristen ( ilah davis ) disappears from calvinist youth convention in california . van dorn is worried because he doesn't believe that his daughter would run from home . however , the truth delivered by private investigator andy mast ( peter boyle ) is even harder - kristen is spotted in cheap pornographic film . infuriated van dorn is unsatisfied with the way mast's investigation is going , so he goes to los angeles to search for kristen himself . unfortunately , he lacks experience and the quest , that brought him to the utter depths of sex underworld , is fruitless . things change when he devises cunning plan and , while doing it , stumbles on sympathetic prostitute and part time porno actress nicky ( season hubley ) . almost two decades after its release , hardcore is mostly forgotten by critics and film scholars . it is a real shame , because very few movies in today's hollywood would dare tackle controversial issues that writer and director paul schrader explored in his second directorial attempt . in late 1970s , it was totally different situation - films were expected to have mature , serious themes for the mature audience . for schrader this film was nice opportunity to expand the subplot of his previous work , taxi driver - one that deals with the great generational divide that tormented the american society in 1970s . on one side we have an old america that sticks to the puritan ideals of hard work and strict morals that made that country great . but that america is obviously unable to cope with the new challenges brought by the social turmoil in 1960s and , instead of facing them , prefers to live in rural , conservative cocoons . the new america , on the other hand , fares no better - ideals of the so-called " sexual revolution " , same as all other " revolutions " of the swinging sixties , degraded into exploitation and depravity . instead of being " liberated " , baby boomers are stuck with their own inability to cope with the newly discovered freedoms . schrader very cleverly brings the idea that those two americas , actually , aren't so far away - nice example is a brilliant scene in which van dorn , already described as an authoritarian and paternalistic capitalist , meets sleazy porno producer ; the latter one also turns out to be authoritarian , paternalistic and very dedicated to this job . the difference between the two is simply in the line of work . many contemporary critics actually accused schrader of promoting conservative agenda . on the surface , it may look that way - audience is forced to sympathise with van dorn and his quest . in the first scenes , he is portrayed as nice family man who actually doesn't deserve to experience parent's worst nightmare . the scene in the porno cinema that reveals kristen's fate is extremely cruel ; pain and humiliation , brought by oscar-winning actor george c . scott , is of such intensity , that the audience feels sorry for him and simply must support his agenda . van dorn is perhaps flawed , and the subtle hints lead to the unflattering truth at the end ; but the viewers simply know that his cause is just , and that prodigal daughter must be better off with her loving father than with the sleazy pornographers that only want to exploit her body . on the other hand , schrader , who grew up in an environment very much like van dorn's ( his own parents wouldn't allow him to watch movies until he was 18 ) , knows better and tries to bring another side of coin . even the people connected with sex underworld can show redeeming qualities - like nicky , who actually tries to improve her life , and sleazy detective who develops something like a conscience at the end . unfortunately , schrader fails to erase the impact of the shocking scene at the beginning , and his attempt to reconcile the opposing sides of america seems lost in somewhat clich ? d finale . the script is slightly flawed , and schrader as director doesn't show too much originality - his style seems too influenced by techniques that scorsese used in taxi driver . apart from the scenes in grand rapids , those two films even look alike . but the content might be more than interesting for today's viewer , especially those inspired by the current 70s revival . until boogie nights , no hollywood mainstream movie ever dared to explore the phenomenon of pornography in 1970s . hardcore , on the other hand , might serve as precious document , because it depicts sex film industry in the period often regarded as the golden age by connoisseurs - before the advent of video , when many of the porno filmmakers could afford to think of themselves as artists . the view of such age and the industry is very unflattering , though , but for the film whose main character takes time to explain calvinist doctrines to the audience , that shouldn't be too surprising . anyway , despite some flaws , hardcore remains very interesting and powerful piece of cinema .
58	neg	my son and i share a perverse predilection for bad movies . we are amused and entertained by the cheap thrills , the corny dialog , the ludicrous premises and the bad acting . since other family members aspire to higher forms of entertainment , we usually wind up indulging our proclivity together . i can't remember when we disagreed on the relative merits of a clunker until species 2 came along . he was not amused . i on the other hand was able to easily suspend the applicable requirements in the usual manner and declare myself suitably entertained . perhaps the evident skills that were brought to the process of producing a bad product was what prevented him from extracting fun out of mediocrity . i on the other hand appreciated the fact that the producers and director knew exactly what they were doing : insulting my intelligence , and brought adequate movie-making skills to the project a movie does not have to be good to be well made , at least in terms of the craft . the movie could have been better if it were not so brusque . this movie slaps you with conception , pregnancy , delivery and young childhood in consecutive frames , without pausing for infancy . the producers of nescafe have nothing on this alien race in which a woman's womb balloons immediately after the male orgasm , and a few seconds later a young child tears its way out of her abdomen in a sloppy and gory version of an inside-out cesarean . an autopsy scene in which a buzz saw cuts through the cranium was not the kind of indulgence that i condone , to say nothing of the fact that it was scientifically incorrect . in a real autopsy the saw does not cut through the scalp ; it is used only after the skull has been exposed . the opening sequences of exploration of mars were very good . the writers showed excellent skills for ceremonial speech writing but the spontaneous dialogue would qualify for a subtitle : `as bad as it gets' . as the movie progressed i vowed to remember the lines that made me cringe but only one stuck . eve ( natasha henstridge ) was cloned from sil , the original alien sexual predator , but her mating instinct was artificially attenuated , which was all that was needed to turn her into a noble and cooperative prisoner . in a wistful display of resignation and understanding she tells her friend and jailer ( marg helgenberger ) : `i think of all the places that i will never see and all the people that i will never meet . ' it's enough to melt the most callous heart . at another point she protests : `i'm human too , you know . ' she is only half right . peter medak , the director , knows his business . justin lazard as the doomed astronaut does nothing to enhance his hollywood credentials . james cromwell , his father , is perfect in a short role . marg heldenberger , the dna scientist is pleasant and beautiful . natasha is an exquisite ornament . george dzunza knew and delivered what was expected of him as the dumb general that messes things up . michael madsen was there . black buddies do not usually survive in this type of movie but mykelti williamson manages to stay around for the final credits , which is more that we can say for lazard . .
59	neg
60	neg	how could a g-rated disney film based on meg cabot's novel " the princess diaries " be anything but cute , harmless fun ? easy . take all the cute , harmless fun out of it . and while you're at it make it borrr-ring . that's what director garry marshall , screenwriter gina wendkos and , not to be outdone , producer whitney houston have done with the g-rated disney film " the princess diaries . " you couldn't tell it from the audience though , a braintree , mass . of growing , glowing pre-pubescent girls ( and the odd parental , popcorn perched about their persons ) , who positively cheered when the end credits rolled ( ah the film had struck a lovely nerve with them but not with fuddy-duddy old me ) . well , i might have cheered that the utter tripe was now well and truly over , but that would have been too obvious . too obvious is the least of the problems with marshall's film ( garry made a couple of other " princess " movies-- " pretty woman " and " runaway bride " --but this one's way without julia roberts so maybe * that's * its problem ) . in addition to being predictable as molasses , " the princess diaries " has hardly got a laugh in it ( it's a comedy ) , could bore the pants off an abyssinian for long , long stretches , and is so sloppily edited the principals refer to scenes we haven't even seen yet ( and probably never will except , perhaps , in the dvd edition ) . marshall should take virtually all of the blame here , since he's been at this for some time and should know when a scene or two isn't working . . . and hardly * any * of " the princess diaries " works ( " works , " alas , implies cleverness and there's none of that here either ) . newcomer anne hathaway stars as mia thermopolis , a bright but socially invisible san franciscan teen who learns that her single mom ( a wacky artist played by the likable caroline goodall ) had a bit of a fling with some royal member of some miniscule european country nobody ever heard of ( the filmmakers go out of their way * not * to call it serbia , which is pretty much what all miniscule european countries are called in the movies mark my words ) and now she , mia , is next in line to rule " genovia " ( hence the headphones/tiara combo in the print ads ) . julie andrews , with the luminous factor cranked to 11 , plays mia's grandmother ( aka queen clarisse renaldi ) , who shows up out of the royal blue and lends mia much advice and direction in the eating , talking , and looking like a princess department ( although mia's big makeover simply transforms her from ugly duckling to ugly swan ) . does queen julie lose her dignity for the sake of a good laugh ? not really . consuming a corn dog is about the worst that it gets . also on stereotypical hand are a brainless jock , an evil cheerleader , a dorky-looking best friend ( " welcome to the dollhouse " 's heather matarazzo ) , a sensitive auto mechanic/musician , and marshall mainstay hector elizondo as joe the driver , imparting wit and wisdom from the front seat of mia's chauffeur-driven limousine at every intersection . a non-animated g-rated movie is a rarity these days but the rating here reflects the fact that all the guts , all the good stuff , has been exorcised from the finished product . lame , labored , and lamentable , " the princess diaries " is recommended for eight-and-a-half year olds of the feminine persuasion * only * ; all others would do well to avoid it ( like potholes , the plague , and " the perfect storm " ) .
61	pos	wow ! what a movie . it's everything a movie can be : funny , dramatic , interesting , weird , funny , weird and strikingly original . yep that pretty much describes this movie . it starts out like a regular movie and ends up being one of the weirdest , funniest most original movies i have ever seen . it boggles the mind and some have to wonder why we cannot get movies like this more often . besides being one of the best films of the year , being john malkovich may as well be one of the best movies ever . period . then again there are so many good movies , that one cannot pick an all time favorite . john cusack plays a puppeteer craig schwartz a man out of a job , in search of a job . his wife lotte schwartz who is played by a completely un-noticeable cameron diaz who looks like something off the streets is an animal lover and has about every kind of animal you could think of . craig finds a job as a file at the 7 ? floor of a business building . . . you have to pry open the elevator doors open before it reaches floor eight , the 7 ? floor is just a floor between 7 and 8 . he is hired by his 105 year old boss ( orsen bean ) to be a filer . in his office , he discovers a little door , to which was boarded up and hidden . to his curiosity he opens it and starts to crawl toward it , he then gets sucked to the end and ends up in john malkovich's mind . fifteen minutes later he is shot out onto the side of the new jersey turnpike . he returns to tell his co-worker maxine ( catherine keener ) that he has found a portal that will lead him into john malkovich's mind , she doesn't believe him but after she sees it it changes her mind . lotte also finds out about the portal and discovers that being someone else is good after all . john malkovich of course has no idea what is going on , and by the end of this bizarre film there are so many twists and turns , that we don't know what really happened . john cusack is outstanding and utterly believeable in a role only he himself could play . he fits the role perfectly and to me was brilliantly cast . cameron diaz is outstanding and utterly one of the world's most prettiest women , is made up here unnoticeable and very unattractive . she however gives a very comic performance and this could easily be her best role to date . catherine keener is very funny and sexy as maxine and of course the best thing of the movie is the magic himself john malkovich who is very brilliant and this movie plays big time homage ? to the master himself . the whole group combined gives us a wonderfully funny movie that is also smart and clever . spike jonze ( three kings ) makes his fabulous directing debut , and did a fantastic job of directing this new classic film . he lets the viewer go on the trip as well as let the viewer know they are watching a movie . by the time the ending rolled around my head was spinning from disbelief of how good this film was . the screenplay written by charlie kaufman was hilarious and often thought-provoking . the film also had a soft side to it and even though the ending is very surprising it is also a little sad and heart-warming . the whole movie was fantastic and had me rolling in the isles . from cameron diaz's appearence to john malkovich's explorations i laughed very hard , and it may as well be as funny as as good as it gets ( the funniest ! ) . there isn't a slow point in the movie , or an overused idea . there are no cliches except for the fact that this is the most original , inventie , witty , and smart movie i've seen in a long time . i found myself amazed by everything : the direction , acting , writing and the whole idea of the movie . by the end i had to wonder why hollywood doesn't want to make movies like this anymore . or why they don't . all filmmakers watch this movie and get some ideas of movies to come out . this was a surprise hit as was american beauty . 'being john malkovich' is in the top 5 movies of the year , and in the top 10 best films ever made . it has something that no other movies playing now has . in fact it may as well be the best movie out right now . i highly recommend 'being john malkovich' and have no doubts you will be disappointed .
62	pos	if there's one thing in common about all of hollywood's major studios , it's that their productions are moving toward mainstream more and more . although twentieth century fox and new line cinema have spawned subsidiaries which specialize in independant or controversial motion pictures ( fox searchlight and fine line respectively ) , it's obvious there's no significant movement underway to promote inventive ideas at the theater . so when a movie like gary ross' pleasantville comes along , wrapped in a blanket of innovative ideas and served up on a platter of fine production , it's a welcome change of pace for all who frequent the cineplexes . although the atmosphere and buzz about the movie are cheery and lighthearted , pleasantville should not be mistaken for a no-thought movie . quite the opposite is true , in fact , as director ross skillfully brings a narrative with intense and intelligent undertones to the screen . the story , both about the joys of living life to the fullest as well as the social ills of segregation , captures the essence of statement-making in the cinema . not in recent memory has a movie carried such weight of theme into widescale distribution , and even if mass audiences fail to see the ingenuity of ross' work , it is still a testament that his picture was considered worthy enough . kudos to both he and his production staff for putting together this fine picture . it stars tobey maguire and reese witherspoon as two nineties teenagers who , through quite a bit of luck , find themselves zapped into a fifties sitcom named " pleasantville . " maguire , as the reserved bud parker , is perfect for the pseudo-world ; but the rebellious mary sue ( witherspoon ) is not at all made for the father-knows-best times . it's not long before she sets the town of pleasantville on end , and begins to teach the townspeople - in a quite unlikely way - what life is * really * like . soon hues of color creep into the black and white world , and while some embrace the change in the passion of realism , others fear the strangeness . at one end is a soda shop owner-turned-painter named mr . johnson ( jeff daniels ) and at the other end is a close-minded mayor ( j . t . walsh ) and his chamber of commerce ; but the two sides are simply fronts for a clash of ideas that soon involves the entire town . fine performances are turned in all around . maguire and witherspoon are effective as the leads , but the true complements go out to jeff daniels and j . t . walsh ( in his latest and final posthumous performance ) . daniels brings an atmosphere of awe , inspiration , and hope to his character , whereas walsh simply drips of sinister closemindedness - almost to the point where you can sense gene hackman's envy . for daniels , it's his most commendable performance of the last three years - or more - and for walsh , it's a complementary exclamation point on a fine career . also of lesser note is the supporting role by joan allen , and in viewing the entire cast works well together from start to finish . there's not much to dislike about pleasantville , and its dynamic nature makes it the perfect movie for those who want serious as well as those who don't .
63	neg	it's a good thing most animated sci-fi movies come from japan , because " titan a . e . " is proof that hollywood doesn't have a clue how to do it . i don't know what this film is supposed to be about . from what i can tell it's about a young man named kale who's one of the last survivors of earth in the early 31st century who unknowingly possesses the key to saving and re-generating what is left of the human race . that's a fine premise for an action-packed sci-fi animated movie , but there's no payoff . the story takes the main characters all over the galaxy in their search for a legendary ship that the evil " dredge " aliens want to destroy for no apparent reason . so in the process we get a lot of spaceship fights , fistfights , blaster fights and more double-crosses than you can shake a stick at . there's so much pointless sci-fi banter it's too much to take . the galaxy here is a total rip-off of the " star wars " universe the creators don't bother filling in the basic details which makes the story confusing , the characters unmotivated and superficial and the plot just plain boring . despite the fantastic animation and special effects , it's just not an interesting movie .
64	neg	senseless ( r ) marlon wayans is a very talented physical comedian , and it is that gift that brings senseless moments of life . alas , moments are simply that , moments , which are not enough to lift this fantasy/comedy above its one-joke premise . granted , that one joke is initially amusing . when wayans's darryl witherspoon , an economics major at stratford university , hits some dire financial straits , he becomes a guinea pig for a experimental drug that heightens all five senses . after some initial side effects and problems controlling his superhuman senses , darryl learns to enjoy the benefits of his abilities and uses them to land a position at a highly esteemed corporate firm . at this point , the film sounds more like senseful than senseless , but through some turns of the plot , darryl finds himself only able to use four of his five senses at once , essentially leaving him--yes--senseless . this sets up some showcase moments for wayans's gift for physical comedy , especially when darryl loses his sense of feeling and his body goes completely , hilariously limp . but these gags , and the gag behind the entire movie , quickly grows stale . once darryl is shown without the use of all of the senses , instead of exploring any new comic territory , director penelope spheeris and screenwriters greg erb and craig mazin take the easy way out and simply recycle each form of senselessness . wayans approaches each go-round with gusto , but by this point he's simply treading water for the rest of the film's unfunny duration . senseless would not be as problematic as it is if it didn't strive to be anything more than a comic trifle . however , the raucous and often raunchy comedy is wrapped in a blanket of bogus sincerity . darryl goes through the experiment in order to help his cash-strapped family , and this " serious " angle seems to come from an entirely different movie . unlike wayans's last starring vehicle , the surprisingly effective ( and serious ) the 6th man , the " emotional " content of senseless is forced and unconvincing . any attempt at anything more substantial than broad comedy fizzles--darryl's romance with janice ( tamara taylor ) , a young woman who yearns for a man who is true to himself , does not generate sparks of any kind . once his wb television sitcom the wayans bros . comes to an end , the genuinely funny marlon wayans has a promising big-screen future ahead of him . but if he continues to associate himself with projects as flat as senseless , his film career could go the way of his once-promising older brother , damon , who is now set to make his comeback--on television .
65	pos	call it touched by a demon . gregory hoblit's fallen is a serial killer movie with an unusual , horrific twist . if marketed properly , this film could have crossover appeal for both those who appreciate supernatural tales like the prophesy and those who crave grim , dark thrillers like silence of the lambs and seven . in fact , there's even a little twin peaks to be found here , albeit with the lion's share of the weirdness distilled out . ( remember bob ? ) the biggest failing of fallen is that , although it's consistently interesting , it's not always as edgy and suspenseful as one might hope . a serial killer ( elias koteas ) has been on the loose in philadephia , but detective john hobbes ( denzel washington ) , the noblest man on the police force , has brought him to justice . now , during his last hours on death row awaiting his inevitable date with the gas chamber , the mass murderer cryptically tells hobbes , " what goes around really goes around . " shortly thereafter , he begins to sing " time is on my side " as he's taken on his last walk . minutes later , the state of pennsylvania has carried out the execution and edgar reese is dead . but for hobbes , the nightmare is just beginning , because reese wasn't a normal psychopath ? he was the host body for a mythical dark angel named azazel . and , with reese's death , azazel is free to hop from body to body , murdering and wreaking havoc at will . only hobbes and a pretty , female theology teacher ( embeth davidtz ) have an inkling of what they're up against . the rest of the cops , including hobbes' partner , jonesy ( john goodman ) ; lou ( james gandolfini ) , a newcomer to the department ; and lieutenant stanton ( donald sutherland ) , don't have a clue , and , as a result , they are in mortal danger . as depicted by hoblit ( primal fear ) and cinematographer newton thomas sigel , philadelphia is a dark , dreary place ? a gothic city rather than a modern one . no skyscrapers or other monoliths of current architecture or technology are shown . the most famous landmark to appear isn't the liberty bell or independence hall ; it's geno's steaks . shadows and night scenes abound . the days are cloudy and unpromising . this is the kind of setting where it's easy to believe that fallen angels walk among men . fallen's plot is brimming with potential , not all of which is realized . somehow , i would have expected a more frightening tale to emerge from something with this kind of premise . but the level of terror , like that of gore , is kept in check . nevertheless , there are several creepily effective scenes as the spirit of azazel moves from body to body when people bump against each other on crowded city sidewalks . the film also boasts a chase sequence of a kind that can best be described as unusual . of the several dozen actors to play azazel , the best is by far elias koteas ( exotica , crash ) , who , despite only being on screen for about ten minutes , gives a fantastically charged performance . john goodman also seems to be enjoying himself , although his role for most of the film is relegated to that of a burly sidekick . sadly , however , these two are the only ones who excel . everyone else , including denzel washington , is boring . washington's flat performance is the most disappointing surprise of the film . it's not that he's bad per se , but he's not very interesting . there's no real sense of vulnerability or desperation in the way he portrays his character , and that keeps us distanced , however slightly , from hobbes . as circumstances become progressively more dire for the cop , and as his life-or-death chess game with azazel approaches the point of checkmate , i expected to be more on the edge of my seat than i was . washington's subdued approach is part of the reason for this ; i never felt a sense of urgency . however , at least washington was believable , which is more than can be said for embeth davidtz ( schindler's list ) and donald sutherland . to be fair , the flaws in their characters aren't all acting-related ; neither stanton nor gretta milano are well-written . that said , however , there's nothing inspired about either davidtz's or sutherland's work . both appear to be sleepwalking their way through the parts , as if they know that their contribution to the film is one of advancing the plot rather than developing a multi-dimensional individual . narratively , fallen has a few glaring weaknesses . although the plot proceeds with a convoluted , game-like structure , it uses a denzel washington-supplied voiceover to overexplain matters . at times , this is actually helpful , and it has a use beyond the obvious , but there are occasions when ponderous lines like " i like the night ? sometimes you come face to face with yourself " become a little hard to swallow . in addition , fallen is saddled with the same kind of disgustingly bland , generic theology embraced by numerous movies and tv shows like touched by an angel . however , despite the negatives , i'm still recommending fallen on the strength of its complex plot and especially its ending , which i loved . the final scenes are startling , audacious , and unexpected . it's not often that a plot development takes me by surprise the way this one did . at a time when most movies fall apart in the last ten minutes , fallen manages to buck the trend and redeem itself . this is not a great motion picture , but , considering how bad most january releases are , it's a reasonably entertaining way to spend two hours . and , whatever you do , don't walk out on the film before the end credits have begun to roll .
66	pos	( note : there are spoilers regarding the film's climax ; the election , of course ) we see matthew broderick , a man torn to a primal state ; he's been unfaithful to his wife , lied to and manipulated his students , and by the same token they've demeaned his masculinity , his self-respect , his desperate attempt at changing the world . and yet , he equates the cause of his pain , his torment , with tracy flick ( reese witherspoon ) . no matter how many students have come and gone , and disappointed him as an educator , she's the real threat . about to give in , and divulge that she's won by only a lone vote , broderick's mccalister turns in defeat , sees tracy's euphoric celebration in the outside corridor and says , 'no' . the fact that he simultaneously lusts after her ideologically further illustrates that freudian foundation of entitlement which all men , no matter how obscure , have in their relationships ; a traditional expectation of success , to usurp and surpass women as a proverbial industry . she can't go higher than him . he won't allow it . and what's amazing about " election " is that every word of that criticism is drawn from a rather opaque metaphor . early in the film we learn that tracy was romantically , and then sexually , involved with a now departed teacher . it's like payne and taylor , his co-screenwriter , have taken tracy , a girl desperate for friendship , loyalty , and almost perversely drawn the mythological pattern of kids who were so utterly rejected by their peers , that they found sitting at the teachers' lunch table more fitting , to an unlikely extreme with her as the protagonist . and it's amazing the compassion that we have ; it seems so real to us , and not merely because it's happened before , splashed all over the front pages , but , because of the all around " nice " persona of these people , we easily dismiss the truly wayward deeds of the characters . it's with mandy barnett's " if you'll be the teacher " playing winsomely over the closing credits that payne skewers the tenets of his detractors most ; a final , viscous injection of bittersweet irony . sexuality , though , is not the only basis for payne's satire , or its success . it also makes a telling point about politics , friendship , and class boundaries . satire is required ( or ought to be , anyway ) to take itself seriously , or act so , while the audience does not . it's a fine line to straddle , but some films ignore it altogether ( " drop dead gorgeous " leaps infuriatingly to mind ) . payne and taylor hit the right chord ; their characters are real people : neither is perfect , but rather both of the leads are flawed , misguided individuals who retain , somewhat , noble intentions at heart . we sympathize with them , but still , as a satire , their idiosyncratic behavior , and their wrongdoing , is taken to an extreme for the audience to knowingly chuckle , but also reflect and meditate , about . minus half a point , though , for payne admitting not to having seen " ferris bueller's day off " . whatever .
67	neg	starring kiefer sutherland ; reese witherspoon & bokeem woodbine i used to think that the conversation was the worse film i had ever seen . freeway is giving me second thoughts . freeway is a modern retelling of little red riding hood . only in the nineties , little red riding hood is a foul-mouthed juvenile delinquent played by reese witherspoon , and the big bad wolf is a serial killer ( keifer sutherland ) . to top that pathetic premise off -- reese goes to visit granny and you'll never guess who's waiting under the cover's in granny's bed . keifer sutherland is one of hollywoods most talented , yet underrated actors , and reese witherspoon is exceptionally talented and will most likely become a major star . so what are they doing in this movie ? after seeing the end result , undoubtedly they are both asking themselves the same question . you might be asking yourself why this is such a short review . the answer is quite simple -- i dont want to waste any more of my time writing or thinking about this movie than absolutely necessary . i wasted enough of my time just sitting through it . note to keifer : you wonder why you aren't a bigger star in hollywood ? because you keep making movies like this . note to reese : you were great in fear , what happened this time ? note to both : don't worry about it too much , no one saw this movie anyway . bottom line -- i'm still shaking my head . don't waste your time on this turkey . if you want to see a great keifer sutherland movie , go rent flatliners or young guns . reese witherspoon's abundant acting talents are used to their full potential in fear , a great thriller . do yourself a favor and rent one of these movies -- but stay as far away from freeway as you possibly can .
68	neg	starring arnold schwarzenegger ; danny devito ; emma thompson & frank langella the only thing that you can say about junior is that it is a disappointment , and a big one at that . junior brings together arnold schwarzenegger and danny devito with director ivan reitman . these are the same men that brought us the very funny twins . so foolish me , i was hoping for something that would at least come close to the level of quality of twins . so much for hopes . schwarzenegger and devito play two scientists ( doctors hesse and arbogast ) who are working on a new drug that will reduce the possibility of miscarriage in pregnancy . unfortunately , due to circumstances beyond their control , they are denied permission to test this new drug on humans , and subsequently lose their funding . still believing that their drug will work , they decide to test it anyway , on hesse . so , dr . hesse ( schwarzenegger ) artificially inseminates himself and begins taking the drug . their theory is that if the drug can prevent a man from miscarrying , surely it will work on a woman . does the thought of arnold schwarzenegger pregnant sound funny or humorous to you ? well , it must have to the producers of junior . admittedly , schwarzenegger has the comedic talent to pull it off . perhaps if it had been done differently it might have actually been funny . but it wasn't , schwarzenegger pregnant is goofy at best . the sight of schwarzenegger running around going through the hormone imbalances that come with pregnancy , and the accompanying emotional swings , is not funny . schwarzenegger comes very close to embarrassing himself with these antics . i kept thinking to myself , with the time arnold wasted making this turkey he could have been making an action picture . better yet , with schwarzenegger , devito and reitman all in the same place at the same time , why didn't they make a sequel to twins ? anything would have been better than this mess . danny devito is wasted in this movie . his part could have been played by any joker they pulled in off the street . ( after seeing the movie , if i was devito , i probably would have wished they had pulled someone in off the street . ) emma thompson is wasted here as well . while thompson is best known for her jane austin adaptations , she is also a fine comedian . too bad she didn't get to use any of that talent here . am i being too hard on this film ? i don't think so . schwarzenegger and devito are two of my favorite actors in film today , and ivan reitman is one of the more talented directors in hollywood . with a supporting cast of emma thompson and frank langella , the filmmakers really have to be trying hard to make a bad film . they certainly managed here . maybe it was well intentioned , but unfortunately this is a movie that never should have been made . if you are tempted to see this film , do yourself a favor and go rent twins , a film that truly takes advantage of arnold schwarzenegger and danny devito's comedic talents .
69	neg	please don't mind this windbag letting off a bit of steam . . . i just want to warn all of y'all not to waste your hard-earned $$$ on anaconda . it's not even worth a 99-cent video rental . don't listen to ebert on this one ( he has no clue what he's talking about ! ) btw i accompanied my friend to this one because she was * required * to watch it on assignment ( she reviews movies for a local paper ) . now i'll actually back up my huffing and puffing . here goes : movie : anaconda rydain's bottom line : wait for it to come on usa up all night . even then , i doubt it's worth the price of jolt ( to help you stay up that late ! ) why do i hate anaconda ? let me count the ways . . . first of all , this movie gets way too many snake facts wrong . as an ophiophile ( snake lover ) , i can tell you that a ) anacondas would never reach a length of 40 feet , b ) they're scared of people , c ) cases of snakes eating adult humans are extremely rare because human shoulders are too wide to fit in a snake's mouth , and constrictor snakes don't kill what they can't eat , d ) people can outrun snakes with no trouble , especially heavy ones like anacondas , e ) if an anaconda did eat a human , it would need at least 6 months of sitting on its butt to digest the huge meal , therefore it couldn't run around gobbling up everybody else in the cast , and f ) snakes have no vocal cords , so they can't make funny squealing noises . whew . i was prepared to suspend reality if the movie would have been worth it . unfortunately , anaconda was about as suspenseful and exciting as watching paint peel . my friend and i even successfully predicted who would live at the end . anybody can tell the bad guy is going to die eventually . that was a pity because his character was one of the few reasons my friend and i didn't give up and fall asleep . he was the most likable character in the movie . who wouldn't enjoy somebody who looks like a deranged walt whitman ? anaconda did have its cute moments : arguments between ice cube's character and the british guy , for instance . however , those small flashes of wit were not worth the other hour and twenty-eight minutes of boring schlock . the writers had - and blew - a multitude of opportunities to insert funny lines . i was quite disappointed with a scene where a young guy tells a young lady that the jungle makes him horny . did she retort with a clever , ego-withering comeback ? of course not ! " i'm trying to work ! " gee , that's even dumber than the crap comebacks i come up with . she could have told him to go find a knothole or something . . . ; p but i will admit , there was just one scene where i was surprised at the outcome ( hint : it involves the evil guy and miss crap comebacks ) . as for the plot , i'm still trying to find one . this movie was basically an excuse to get a boatload of people into dangerous territory where they could get snarfed by ridiculous , computer-generated anacondas with the eyes and fangs of vipers and the faster-than-gravity downward acceleration of a harrier jet . ( harrier snake ? ) not to mention instant digestion so they could go snarf countless other victims . the writers tried to throw in some sort of plot twist ( should i call it a plot knot because it made no sense ? ) in which the sick guy's g-friend kisses the evil dude and suddenly everybody hates said evil dude and starts trying to kill him . that was about as clear and understandable as mission : impossible . ( if someone could explain that movie to me , i'd be most grateful ! all the old-guy double agents looked the same ! ! ) i wasn't inspired by the acting , save for the evil dude . i can't blame the actors , though . it's not their fault they had a cruddy script to work with . this concludes rydain's diatribe on a shameless exploitation ( and perpetuation ! ) of public fear of snakes . comments , flames , anyone ? -rydain the atomic cheese , fresh from chernobyl dairies !
70	neg	when i originally saw the trailer for " analyze this " a few months ago , i must admit , i thought it looked kind of lame . and then when the commercials started popping up a week or two ago , i thought it looked outright bad . but then when " analyze this " finally opened a few days ago , an odd thing happened . it got great reviews . critics were proclaiming it " hilarious " and a " dead-on parody of mob movies " . well , with praise like that , i figured , it must be good and so i headed off to the theater . you know that expression that says always trust your gut instincts ? well , turns out that expression is more valid than i ever gave it credit for . " analyze this " is slow , unfunny , and badly acted . don't get me wrong , i think that deniro is one of the top ten greatest actors of the century , but he is just out of his league here . i think the problem is he didn't quite know how to approach this material . he plays his character , mob boss paull vitti , somewhere in between the realm of comedy and drama . if he had played the character straight , along the lines of leslie nielson in the " naked gun " series , he probably would have been a lot more successful . as it is , though , he plays the character completely serious at some moments , and for laughs at others . this doesn't work . it creates an uneven character that never breaks out of the deniro mold ; you always know it's him . and the movie is badly paced , too . it never takes off . it just crawls from one scene to another without any forward momentum . i think the blame for this should be placed on the script . it's obvious the writer had a good idea for a movie , mob boss faces breakdown and needs the services of a psychiatrist , but once this is established , the movie doesn't really go anywhere . the formula of the film seems to be this : billy crystal says no to deniro , deniro forces him , and much wackiness ensues . this formula of sorts is repeated several times throughout the movie . i've said it before and i'll say it again : the only thing that matters to me in a comedy is whether or not it's funny . if " analyze this " had been funny , the pacing and bad acting wouldn't have bothered me . i would have been too busy laughing to notice . but as it is , i only chuckled a few times . the only really funny scene is a dead-on parody of " the godfather " . sadly , though , i don't think anyone in the audience i saw it with realized it was a parody , because i was the only one laughing . but my sense of humour , i have come to realize , is vastly different from the general population . i loathed " there's something about mary " , yet loved " baseketball " . now , if you want a movie that * i * think is funny , go out and see " office space " . it's full of genuine laughs and won't leave you glancing at your watch every 10 minutes , as " analyze this " did .
71	neg	i'm a dedicated fan of writer kevin williamson's work . he always finds a clever way to spice up old material with witty dialogue and fresh ideas that stem from his inventive brain . with teaching mrs . tingle , his directorial debut , williamson has reached the end of his rope . what used to be intelligent about his films is hopelessly stale here . the components are all there , including an encouraging premise that all high school students can relate to . but where are the thrills ? the laughs ? both are supposedly absent from this draggy exercise in elaborate revenge . and what a shame that is . i loved the scream films - heck , i even enjoyed the sci-fi goofiness of the faculty . kevin williamson was the reason horror films were such a big draw at the box office . teaching mrs . tingle , a black comedy that will leave a gaping void in his optimistic followers , may put an end to his reign . or perhaps it will encourage him to spend more time perfecting a script than to worry about his directing duties . i still have my faith , but i fear the name of kevin williamson may soon be a forgotten echo of the past . the title character of his pet project is a vicious , uncaring history teacher who is played deliciously over-the-top by british actress helen mirren . mrs . tingle is basically every student's worst nightmare : a heartless human being bent on distributing poor marks to even the most hard-working of her pupils . the principal ( michael mckean ) is horrified of her , and she is unanimously despised among her fellow staff members . i enjoyed the fact that everyone in the hallway quickly steers out of her way . mirren's performance is one of the very few delights in this distressingly hollow black comedy that goes down like a flat soft drink . in other words , it's a poor substitute for williamson's best work . the plot is a big problem here . material that could have been enjoyable is rendered totally ridiculous by poor handling on the part of the director . the likable katie holmes plays leigh ann , an over-achiever hoping to get a college scholarship . but typical mrs . tingle says her history project , which she worked on for countless hours , is laughable . later on while studying in the gymnasium , a classmate ( barry watson ) offers her a photo-copied duplicate of mrs . tingle's final exam . leigh ann's best friend ( marisa coughlan ) encourages her to use it . alas , the old hag herself finds the three scheming , and snatches the test , and prepares to talk to the principal in the morning . in the morning . . . how convenient ! the three students head to mrs . tingle's house , attempting to set the facts straight and clear leigh ann's name . things get out of hand , and the teacher gets knocked unconscious in a tussle . the plan is to tie her to a bed and try to get some reasoning out of her . of course , not everything goes entirely to plan . besides pointless sub-plots involving the football coach ( jeffrey tambor , horribly wasted ) , there is little by way of actual progress . there is no urgency to the situation ; little tension or laughs are involved . the humor is completely inconsistent . after many of the jokes , the theater was so silent i could have heard a fly sneeze . you continue to await some momentum in the story , something that could possibly revive the slow pace . a moment like that never arises . williamson also does a handsome job of wasting some of the key supporting players , including the talented mckean and larry sanders' vet tambor . and the beautiful vivica a . fox has one lifeless scene as a caring guidance counselor , and then williamson disposes of her character entirely . on the plus side , holmes and coughlan are admirable ( with the latter giving a frighteningly believable exorcism impression ) , and molly ringwald has an amusing cameo appearance as a substitute teacher . while everything is pretty lifeless , teaching mrs . tingle remains watchable . there are a few promising ideas that pop up now and again , but anything remotely interesting is squandered by the inane script . mirren is easily the best reason to keep watching . she is convincingly evil and fun to watch , but even her gifted delivery can't save individual scenes that flounder in boredom . if there is one word for the movie surrounding her , it would be `disappointing' . basically , kevin williamson is his worst enemy here . his uneventful direction prevents any aspects of his screenplay to be appreciated ( not that his writing here is especially good ) . we will see , when rookie screenwriter ehren kruger writes the third installment in the scream franchise this christmas , whether williamson is for real .
72	neg	it's now the anniversary of the slayings of julie james' ( jennifer love hewitt ) best friends . still besieged by nightmarish memories of the man responsible for it all , she seems to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown . she can't concentrate on her schoolwork , can't get a good night's sleep , and is even frightened by the shadows and the blinking strobe lights at a local dance club . everywhere she looks , she sees visions of the man in a rubber slicker with the hook on his hand . in the first movie , `i know what you did last summer' , julie and three of her friends accidentally kill a man , running him down while driving down a dark mountain highway . to cover their misdeed , they dump the body into the ocean . however , he never quite died and returned to hunt down julie and her friends . julie and one other , ray ( freddie prinze jr . ) , survived only to make this dismal sequal . needing some desparate rest and relaxation , she is elated to learn that her college roommate , karla ( brandy ) , has won a trip for four to a secluded tropical island . accompanying these two girls are karla's overbearing boyfriend , tyrell ( mehki phifer ) and a potential beau for julie . but was this contest too good to be true ? the resort is filled with a skeleton staff that seemed like love boat rejects . meanwhile , the hotel is practically deserted as the storm season is about to begin . this presumably creates a venue where they will be secluded and will have no possible means off the island . eventually , they will be hunted down during power outages and chased around during intense lightning storms . as you might have guessed , somewhere in the shadows lurk a mysteriously strange figure that is wearing a rubber slicker and wielding a hook . julie tries to convince her friends that the killer is on the island ( an eerie touch is when she is singing " i will survive " at the karaoke bar and the words scroll " i still know . . . " ) , but her friends chalk it up to paranoia . but the body count soon starts to rise , and for julie , it's going to be the worst vacation of her life . the funny ( yes , i used the word 'funny' ) thing about this movie is that i heard more chortling and giggling ( maybe it was my giggling ) than i heard screaming . this movie boils down to a mindless slashfest that never conjures up any amount of wry wit or even a quirky campiness . there isn't even any suspense that leads up to the deaths . here's an appropriate example . knock-knock . " housekeeping " , says the diminuitive cleaning lady . the door suddenly opens up . slash . next victim ! is there any reason to go and see this movie ? not unless you want to see four uninteresting college kids run around in circles for about 90 minutes . but i do want to say one thing about this movie that satisfied me . i was thoroughly irritated with tyrell , who incessantly ranted and raved about his sexual libido . i secretly wished for him to get filleted . did he get 'hooked' ? well , let's just say that if he didn't , i would give this film a grade of " d " .
73	pos
74	pos	the truman show ( paramount pictures ) running time : 1 hour 42 minutes starring jim carrey and ed harris directed by peter weir after a long wait , jim carrey's dramatic debut finally makes it to the big screen . in case you've been asleep for the last few months , the plot centres on truman burbank ( carrey ) who leads an seemingly idyllic life in the beautiful town of seahaven . his life seems so perfect , however , because it's controlled by christoff ( harris ) creator of the truman show , the program burbank is unwittingly the hero of . that's right , burbank's life is being broadcast live to the american public , and seahaven and all it's inhabitants are inclosed in a massive sound stage . the film takes the jerry springer format one step too far . . . with an idea so different , it would be easy for the director and screenwriter to dumb it down and appeal to the lowest common denominator . luckily , the film remains sensible enough to appeal to all ages , yet never seems to be a dumb carrey movie . talking of carrey , he's perfect in this movie , enjoying the best role in his career . his character is a re-inforced stanley ipkiss from the mask ( 1994 ) and is completely suited to carrey's persona . he occasionally falls into ace ventura mode , shrieking and being silly , but generally the audience is watching subdued carrey . he's not completely dramatic like the film promises , however . ed harris brings an extreme intensity to christoff , the megalomaniac creator of the show . quiet and well spoken , he burns an image into the viewer . unfortunately , he's barely in the film , and for the first hour dosen't appear at all ! also disappointing is natascha mcelhone's character sylvia . she plays the role well , but her character is sadly underwritten and is pushed to the sidelines just when the audience is used to her . the supporting cast is excellent , and the town of seahaven looks delightfully perfect , so perfect it's creepy . the philip glass soundtrack is also superb , and is used to great effect during the film . peter weir keeps the film going , clearly having fun . the film is far more upbeat than his previous films dead poets society and green card . although it is slightly slow to begin with , about half an hour into film the pace really picks up , and when christoff is introduced fully the film is on a roll . sadly , though , the film is practically over when the film is in full steam . also , concerning the ending , it is slightly too ambiguous , which was disappointing . the screenwriter , andrew niccol , who bought us gattaca ( 1997 ) delivers an entertaining script , and manages to keep the plot in trim . while christoff's plans to keep truman in do get increasingly silly , they never go over the line , which would have been easy for niccol to do . also , there's some funny gags involving product placement and the people who watch the show . overall , the truman show is excellent entertainment . certainly different from the usual crap hollywood produces , it should be viewed by everyone . it offers something to every member of the audience , and you would almost certainly not come out disappointed . overall rating= review by david wilcock ? 1998 " you know , for kids " - norville barnes
75	neg	by starring in amy heckerling's " clueless " two summers ago , alicia silverstone proved she wasn't just another pretty , pouty ingenue , showing a buoyant comedic craftiness that blew all previous jobs -- namely a stint as the aerosmith girl and a silly turn as the lethal lolita of " the crush " -- out of the water . her only work since that 1995 gem has been in june's " batman & robin , " where she overcame the underwritten role of batgirl . now , she's the star and producer of " excess baggage , " a hopelessly phony film that demonstrates how an ill-composed story can drag an otherwise solid performer down to its level . silverstone's emily t . hope is stuck with a billionaire father ( jack thompson ) who neglects her emotionally . in an outlandish plan to gain his affection , she fakes her own kidnapping -- emily uses an electronically disguised voice to call her dad and set a pricey ransom , ties her legs together and mouth shut with duct tape and locks herself in the trunk of her bmw . but before the police can " rescue " her , professional auto thief vincent roche ( benicio del toro ) jimmies the locks , hot-wires the engine and makes off with both the car and emily , who's still trapped in the back . when vincent discovers emily , the two don't exactly hit it off -- she annoys him , he annoys her , and at the advice of his slimy car salesman partner ( harry connick , jr . ) , he decides to drive her out to the middle of nowhere and leave her there . along the way , of course , they get into a whole heap of trouble , and come to realize that being together is the only way to get out of their sticky , felony-studded situation . it doesn't help matters that emily and vincent are being trailed by cops , crooks and even her shady uncle ray ( christopher walken ) , who's wise to his niece's ploys for attention and has mafia connections . for at least a half-hour , " excess baggage " bounces along fast and efficiently . during this time , emily and vincent sport engaging personalities as well as a nice role-reversal twist -- she's an awfully aggressive , combative victim and he's quite the aloof , seemingly vulnerable captor . but once it's past its set-up , the situation suddenly becomes uninvolving as the story tries to be too many things at once . a road movie , a teen comedy , a mob thriller , a drama about family relationships -- you name the cliche and " excess baggage " likely covers its territory . of course a romance develops between the two leads , but it all seems forced , and thus characterization is manipulated to cause the finally happy outcome . " do you like my tummy ? " emily coos to vincent at one point in the film . huh ? did i miss something ? the hard-edged , foul-mouthed grrrl is suddenly gone and replaced with a pair of batting goo-goo eyes . then again , " excess baggage " becomes so weak in so many areas that the personality transplant is not a complete surprise . a supporting cast attempts to do what they can with colorful but empty secondary roles , but the movie isn't game enough to use them all and therefore seems overcrowded . motivations keep shifting , resulting in an often confusing narrative . scant existing story background confuses matters even worse and adds to the growing list of unanswered questions . " excess baggage " has too many characters , too much plot and juggles with one arm behind its back and a remaining shaky hand . i loved silverstone's turn in " clueless " as an aloof , pampered beverly hills matchmaker inspired by jane austen's " emma . " looking back at the skill she displayed for comedy there , it's simple to justify any high expectation or enthusiasm that i had mustered for " excess baggage . " sadly , however , " excess baggage " is no " clueless . " but , on the other hand , it is clueless .
76	neg	retrospective : city of the living dead ( 1980 ) a film review by mike watson copyright 1997 mike watson i once heard someone describe the films of italian schlock horror director lucio fulci as " dim-witted " . and by golly , just about all other words fail me when confronted with a dog like city of the living dead . although the late fulci managed some rather good thrillers in his career , this is not one of them . two points in the movie's favour - the impressive camerawork of sergio salvati and occasionally evocative score by fabio frizzi - keep things from falling totally into the abyss , but by and large city of the living dead is a failure . and like most cinematic failures , it comes down to bad writing , dumb performances and lousy direction . the story starts in new york when , during a seance , a medium ( katherine mccoll ) sees a vision of a priest hanging himself in the town of dunwich , massachusetts . for reasons we won't go into here , this opens the gates of hell which must be closed by all saints day or the dead will rise and walk the earth . the medium apparently dies of fright during the seance , but awakens in her coffin in the graveyard the next day and is rescued by a crusty old journalist ( christopher george ) . that scene in itself is a howler : why would you bust open a coffin with a large pick axe when you know someone is alive inside ? and don't cadavers have various things stuffed in them and drained out of them before they're buried ? anyway , off the two of them go to dunwich to save the world , where various grisly goings-on are already happening as all saints day approaches . fulci's graphic gore is in evidence once again , but here it only serves to further highlight the film's flimsy script and plodding direction . the dialogue , in all manner of speaking , is unspeakable . not bad in the quotable sense , like an ed wood film , but bad in its sheer dullness or blatantly obvious " lets explain the plot " type approach . mccoll doesn't have a clue who her character is : deadly serious one minute , frivolous the next , she at times is genuinely hard to watch . and the geezer ( the actor's name escapes me ) who plays the town psychiatrist becomes even harder to stomach than mccoll as the film progresses . christopher george's performance is salvageable , but he gets his brains ripped out in the end by a zombie and we don't care . in fact we don't care for anyone in city of the living dead , though in other fulci films that hasn't mattered so much when he was on form as a stylist and an ideas man , as he was in the beyond . as a director , some of fulci' idiosyncrasies are incredibly silly and annoying here . he constantly uses extreme close-ups of people's eyes , a ridiculous technique which suggests an attempt to convey the emotion that his dialogue and actors aren't capable of . and despite some gruesome violence , he barely manages a single scare in the entire film . long-time collaborator fabio frizzi , talented but always erratic , offers a patchy soundtrack that veers between eerie , gothic death marches and woefully inappropriate electro-pop that's quite frankly embarrassing . fulci's other films of this period may be flawed - house by the cemetery , the beyond , the black cat - but they are nonetheless films with more inspiration , atmosphere and better dialogue than this turkey . for completists only .
77	pos	back in 1998 dreamworks unveiled their first computer animated movie " antz " . the film was critically acclaimed , and went on to gross almost $100m dollars at the domestic box office . again in 1998 they released their traditional animated film " the prince of egypt " and it named an instant classic , and became a huge hit as well . on a winning streak , they released " the road to el dorado " and it wasn't as big as they hoped , but still did ok , then they had the fantastic " chicken run " in the summer . now in 2001 dreamworks has released what i can safely name , one of the top five best animated films . shrek ( mike myers ) is about a loving , green ogre who lives in the woods of duloc by himself . surrounded by fairy tale characters , he hopes somehow he would escape from everyone . the ruler of duloc is the short , heartless lord farquaad ( john lithgow ) , who is offering a reward to all the fairy tale creatures , if they are captured and arrested . of course many of the owners turn them in for gold and silver , but one of those creatures is donkey ( eddie murphy ) . a regular donkey , except he talks and has a definite attitude , after his owner tries to disown him , he escapes into the woods , and runs into shrek . lord farquaad however , has different plans and makes all the fairy tale creatures in the woods near shrek's house . to get his property back , and his life back shrek must rescue princess fiona ( cameron diaz ) so lord farquaad can be a king . shrek wants his property back , but he never thought he would fall in love with princess fiona . " shrek " is such an amazing film , that while watching it you can't help but just smile the entire time and wonder why that other production company can't make movies like this . the animated graphics are so great , that they look every bit of realistic . i saw previews for this film all last year , and i thought to myself wow , what a great movie this will be . i must say i was not disappointed at all , and the film is the best of 2001 so far , and will go down on my best of 2001 list at the end of the year . the voice talents are brilliant as well , with the comic genius mike myers . in the past he has been a wayne , an austin , and a person married to an ax murderer . now he is shrek , not only does he do the voice talent . . . but he is shrek . with his irish accent , and he lovable personality , shrek becomes a friend to the audience and warms your heart . eddie murphy who showed his voice talent in 1998s " mulan " does another bang up job here , and he is the comic relief in the film . the tones of his voice , the lines he utters , and the jokes he gives , he even outdoes the comic genius of robin williams in " aladdin " . the always beautiful cameron diaz gives the voice of princess fiona and she does a great job as well . she is very funny , and her character fits her to a t . of course the best supporting voice is john lithgow , who is personally one of my favorite actors . he as the bad guy lord farquaad does a great job in being both sinister and funny at the same time . at times i was so amazed by the computer graphics , that you can't help but just start looking at backgrounds . there is many hidden jokes in the film , and even reflections of light on the screen like a camera . " shrek " is a definite kid film , but not just a kid film for it is a film for the entire family to enjoy . there are many adult jokes in the film that the kids won't get , but the parents will be laughing . believe me though , everyone will be laughing the entire way through . in the end , " shrek " gives a very important message to it's audience to enjoy and be who you are . everybody out there is beautiful in their own way , even though it may be inside . there's not many words that can praise " shrek " enough , but my words to you is to stop what you are doing and see this movie now .
78	pos	the rich man's wife is one of those movies like final analysis or body double , where the story and characters are so one-dimensional and contrived that you know you shouldn't be enjoying yourself . but somehow , the movie just tries so hard that you begin to forgive it and get into the swing of things . not that it's bad , it's just that it's been done before ; and better , in my opinion . i realize that this is going to sound pretty bizarre , but it's probably the best analogy that i can come up with right now ; you know how when you see a spider or something in your toilet , striving helplessly to get out , and instead of just flushing him , you end up kind of rooting for the little guy ? that's basically how i felt about this movie . i mean , it's not very good , but it's not completely bad either . the wife of the title is josie potenza ( played nicely by halle berry ) . she is married to tony ( christopher mcdonald . . . you know , the guy who looks like joe piscapo ) , a really stressed-out businessman who drinks way to much and doesn't give josie the attention she deserves ( * cough , cough * ) . thus , she is driven into the arms of another man , jake golden ( clive owen ) . near the beginning of the film , josie decides to try and work things out with tony by dumping jake and going on a vacation to a remote cabin in the woods . once there , however , tony has to leave almost immediately due to business details ( i'm still not quite sure what line of work he's in ) . making the best of her situation , josie stays there and begins making the rounds at the local bars . one night , she meets a stranger named cole ( peter greene , finally getting a meaty role ) . they have dinner together , and eventually , both josie and the audience start to realize that cole is homicidal . after learning that she is not happily married , cole offers to " take care " of the problem . managing to escape from the psychotic maniac , josie returns home and starts a reconciliation with her estranged and very wealthy husband . but then one night , cole shows up . . . and here is where the fun begins . from this point on , it's going to be a no-holds- barred cliche-fest , ripping off every movie from strangers on a train to the usual suspects . this is why most critics panned this movie when it first came out . and for the most part , they're right ; the rich man's wife has nary one original bone in it's body . but who cares ? if you're looking for good ol' dumb suspense movie , you can't do much better than this . and if you suspense buffs aren't already sold , it has a killer of an ending too .
79	neg	" the beach " is a structurally confusing film that i can only describe has having multiple personality disorder . every forty minutes of this two-hour film begins with a new theme , virtually discarding what has been set up in the preceding act . it starts off purposefully as a film about an innocent man seeking new thrills in a dangerous environment . but then in the second act , the mood of the film abruptly changes and it becomes a story about a love triangle on an idyllic island paradise that evokes visions of " blue lagoon " . forty minutes later , the mood changes once more , and it becomes a dumbed down version of " lord of the flies " where an isolated community is discovered , where their moral code touts maintaining a sense of bliss at all costs . by the time it's over , you can only scratch your head and wonder what this film was really meant to be about . the main character of " the beach " is angst-ridden richard ( leonardo dicaprio ) . he travels to the netherworld of bangkok where back alley merchants push their wares upon unsuspecting tourists and scantily clad women brazenly ask if you're looking for a good time . richard's voice-over tells the audience that he has come to this place because he is bored with his life and feels that one way to reinvigorate himself is to let go of the familiar and to enter into a world of the unknown . this seedy environment is just what richard is looking for . he checks into a fleabag hotel where he meets the crazed daffy ( robert carlisle ) . he seems like a raving lunatic , obviously high from heavy drug use and looking as if he is afflicted with some sort of psychosis . though his jagged behavior would distress most of us , richard listens to him as he speaks of a mysterious island that contains the most perfect beach that anyone has ever seen . moreover , the island itself flourishes with enough hemp plants that can make a small city high for life . captivated by the idea , he asks two other hotel guests to join him on his journey . they are worldly etienne and the alluring francoise , who have also come to thailand for reasons similar to richard's . once they finally arrive at this paradise , however , the mood of the story shifts to richard's growing desire for francoise . this particular plot point is weak at best because there is absolutely no question in my mind that francoise will wind up with richard . etienne is about as exciting as fluffy , white sand . it's odd that etienne never sees this coming , but paradise has a way of hiding potential threats just out of view . and once the three stumble across the hidden community ( mood shift imminent ) , more events transpire that depict its hidden dangers . for example , there are marijuana fields close by patrolled by armed guards . and the lagoon in which they swim invites the occasional shark . there are several ideas that are introduced in " the beach " and each one could merit its own feature-length film . there's the man vs . nature angle , the love triangle angle , and the utopia-gone-awry angle . but the film meanders so tremendously that its entire purpose becomes blurred . dicaprio , as a result , has an almost impossible time of trying to embody the different states of mind that he and the film goes through . consequently , the audience has an equally difficult time trying to keep up .
80	pos	bruce willis is a type-casted actor . in die hard , he played john mcclaine , a rough and tough chicago cop who gets caught in the wrong place at the wrong time . again , in pulp fiction , as butch coolidge , an over-the-hill boxer , he steps on the wrong guys toes . in luc besson's the fifth element , willis plays korben dallas , a new york cabby who takes in the wrong passenger at the worst possible time . a stylish science fiction epic , the fifth element's complex plot begins right away , in the deserts of egypt ( think stargate ) in 1914 . an enormous spacecraft lands above a pyramid where the " 5 elements " are stored and takes them away , vowing to return them when the evil comes back . cut to present day , which is our future . the year is 2023 , and new york is the city . the only basic differences between besson's futuristic depiction and the real life new york is that the smog is thicker , the buildings are higher , and the traffic floats ! anyway , the " evil " comes back as a ball of fire to wreak havoc on the fair citizens of the earth , so back come the tortoise-like aliens to return the " 5 elements " to earth , in order to defend themselves against the " evil . " in the process , however , the ship is intercepted by 2 fighter pods and is destroyed before landing . when officials arrive at the site , all that remains is a hand . what can you do with a hand ? hey , its the 21st century here-dna reconstruction ! this hand turns out to belong to a beautiful , but mysterious woman named leeloo ( milla jovovich , dazed and confused ) . she escapes and , attempting to escape the police by swan diving off of an enormous skyscraper and crashing through the roof of korben's floating cab . it's love at first site , as korben and leeloo elude the lazy-as-always cops . when leeloo begins mumbling about a cornelius ( ian holm , night falls on manhattan ) , korben searches the " yellow pages " and delivers her to the door of the good reverend , the only man who knows of her background and duties . now , korben , leeloo , and cornelius must journey to a foreign planet to board a cruise ship ( special effects were spectacular here ) to find the remaining four elements . it is here , where they discover that they have been followed by the evil jean-baptiste emmanuel zorg ( gary oldman , murder in the first ) . he , too , wants possession of the elements , as do a group of pig-like warriors ( think the gamorreans in return of the jedi ) . in a spectacular ending , with time running out , leeloo is faced with a problem-why should she save a people who live to destroy each other ? the question is a good one , and one that could be pondered . but enough of that . when korben points out his love for her , leeloo is inclined to become the " 5th element " and save the world from total destruction . the fifth element features good performances by willis and holm , an excellent portrayal of a comedic villain ( who reminded me a lot of jack nicholson's the joker in batman ) by one of the masters of villainy , oldman , and a heartfelt offering by relative newcomer jovovich . the supporting cast , which includes brion james ( tango & cash ) , tim " tiny " lester ( no holds barred ) , luke perry ( buffy the vampire slayer ) , and chris tucker ( friday ) , added a comedic effect to the film . although besson's the fifth element can be criticized for the outlandish use of cliches , it is a solid motion picture with a definite point . some other directors ( like anaconda's luis llosa ) should take a lesson from this guy-using ideas from epic motion pictures the right way . ideas from star wars and stargate were utilized for the improvement of this film . sci-fi fan or not , any movie-lover should see this wonderfully stylish motion picture . ,
81	neg	when i ponder childhood memories past , one of the things that always springs immediately to mind is watching the " inspector gadget " tv show with my older brother . truth be told , we were rabid fanatics ; our version of cowboys and indians was chasing each other around our coffee table to the theme tune , alternating who would get to be gadget and who would be stuck playing the part of dr . claw , the inspector's arch nemesis . i was never a biggie on nostalgia , but you just can't help but have fond memories of something like that . sometimes i even find myself up at 4am watching re-runs of my favorite episodes , trying to recapture some of that sense of wonder i felt as a kid . at the very least , i was expecting the new film version of the classic television series to have at least some kind of similar effect on me . despite how horrid a film may be , the simple task of rekindling even a slight feeling of nostalgia is pretty tough to screw up . so back i sat , with minimum expectations of what the movie would deliver ( let's face it ; exactly how good can a live-action disney film really be ? ) . i was wise enough to steer clear from the likes of mr . magoo and george of the jungle ( two previous disney adaptations ) , and i wish to god that i had been sharp enough to skip gadget as well . rarely has a movie left me with such an utter feeling of emptiness . as everyone else was getting up to exit the screening room after the movie had completed its assault on mankind , i was left sitting there , absolutely speechless and totally dumbfounded at what i had just seen . can something this awful truly exist in such an evolved world ? right from the beginning , i knew i was in trouble . in the opening scenes , each character is introduced as if their sole purpose is to just be , to simply serve as real-life duplicates of their cartoon clones . when referring to them , people almost yell in fear that the audience will not catch on as to who a certain character is supposed to be ( " oh , hi penny ! is brain with you ? " ) . creating one-dimensional replicas is one thing ; having mere names take the place of them is quite another . the " plot " , shall we call it , stays fairly in tune with the original series . matthew broderick stars as john brown ( how creative is that ? ) , a security guard who is horribly injured by a pack of ruthless businessmen headed by scolex ( why , rupert everett , for the love of god why ? ? ? ! ! ! ) , who himself is transformed into claw by an unfortunate chain of events . brown is then rescued and used as a prototype for a new law-enforcement technology wherein he's joined with various machine parts and some nifty gadgets to form ( drumroll , please ) . . . inspector gadget ! >from here on out , the movie becomes a hodgepodge of stupid dialog and confusing situations ( although , to be fair , my confusion could have been caused by the virtual concussion the film was inflicting upon my fragile mind ) . there's something about an evil gadget taking over the city ( his first crime must have been swiping matt dillon's dentures from there's something about mary ) and it all ends with ( what else ? ) a bunch of post-credit nonsense and a cameo by don adams himself . to be honest , i wasn't much paying attention to these " treats " . i was just glad that it was over .
82	neg	there are scenes in " the big hit " that are so awful , they simply defy description . the movie is infected with the same kind of blunderheaded idiocy and misplaced confidence that made " last action hero " ( 1993 ) such a chore to sit through . presumably , " the big hit " is an action-comedy , a difficult but not impossible genre to pull off . movies of this sort require a fine balance and careful tone , and the comedy is usually meant to work as catharsis for the violence . " lethal weapon 2 " ( 1989 ) is a perfect example of an action thriller that was also very , very funny . unfortunately , in " the big hit , " it seems that comedy is the main motive , and the violence is only intended to punctuate the laughs . unfortunately , there are no laughs . the movie resembles some of the goofy , throwaway ridiculousness of early jackie chan films , but it doesn't benefit from chan's incredible stunts and goofy , charismatic presence . instead , we are left with a lot of digital effects and mark wahlberg , who must have considered himself invincible after his critically-acclaimed performance in last year's " boogie nights . " however , if he wants to maintain a decent career , he had better start selecting his projects more carefully - movies like this are a sure-fire recipe for a long career in the straight-to-video market . wahlberg plays melvin smiley , an amiable guy who also happens to be a professional hitman ( see " grosse pointe blank " for the same character , much better developed ) . the movie wants us to think , " gee how clever and ironic - a guy who can kill without any moral implications , and yet he can't stand for anyone not to like him . " the fact is , melvin is so desperate to keep people from not liking him , that he puts up with both an obnoxious fiancee ( christina applegate , with a horrendous new york accent ) and an abusive girlfriend ( lela rochon ) who is only using him for his money . his constant bending over backwards to please people makes him a complete patsy at best , and a thoroughly unbelievable character at worst . melvin is employed exclusively by a crime boss named paris ( avery brooks ) as part of a team of hitmen , which also includes cisco ( lou diamond phillips ) and crunch ( bokeem woodbine ) . one day , melvin agrees to do some moonlighting with cisco by kidnapping the teenage daughter of a rich japanese mogul named jiro nishi ( sab shimono ) for a million dollar ransom . however , not only has jiro nishi lost all his money producing a big hollywood movie ( inside joke , get it ? ) , but his kidnapped daughter , keiko ( china chow ) , also happens to be paris' goddaughter . so , when paris finds out she's been kidnapped , he takes it personally and becomes determined to find out who did it . not knowing the cisco is actually behind the whole scheme , paris puts him in charge of rooting out the kidnapper . of course cisco blames the whole thing on poor , innocent melvin . along the way , there are several obligatory gunfights , explosions , and car chases , plus a literal cliffhanger inspired by " jurassic park , " and a completely unconvincing romance between melvin and keiko ( who looks like she's barely pushing fifteen ) . what the movie passes off as humor resorts to thoroughly unfunny jokes about overweight jewish mothers , hara-kiri , drinking problems , leaking body bags , and a running gag about how crunch has recently discovered the pleasures of masturbation , and now spends all his time doing hand exercises . not to mention the pimply video store clerk who is always calling melvin and screeching about how he needs to return his copy of " king kong lives , " which is two weeks overdue . this mess of a movie was helmed by che-kirk wong , the latest hong kong director imported by john woo ( " face/off " ) , who also served as executive producer . woo needs to stop acting as a conduit for other directors , and start making more of his own films . wong , who directed such films as " rock'n'roll cop " back in hong kong , is completely tone deaf when it comes to comedy . maybe jokes about vexatious video clerks and vomiting on other people are funny across the ocean , but they're not here , at least in the manner wong handles them . many of the problems can be traced back to the script , which was penned by obvious freshman writer ben ramsey . in addition to his vague characterizations and uninspired action sequences , ramsey's script assaults the audience with his attempts to copy the vulgar , poetic rhythms of tarantino or mamet-style dialogue . what he comes out with is just a lot of annoying blather , most of which spews from the lips of lou diamond phillips ( whose favorite phrase is " it's all love " ) and robin dunne , who plays cisco's stuttering , black-wannabe assistant . the irritation factor of phillips and dunne combined is almost off the scale , which can pretty much describe the film as a whole .
83	pos	the deer hunter , directed by michael cimino , is truly one of the greatest movies ever made . a captivating drama about the lives of a group of friends from a small russian-american pennsylvania community , the deer hunter promises to be one of those movies that you will never forget . in this academy award winner for best picture of 1978 , outstanding performances are turned in by all actors , and cimino's brilliant directing provides the perfect vision into the character's lives . the first act of the film provides us with an inside look into the lives of a group of men from a small community who work and hang out together . michael , portrayed perfectly by robert de niro , is shown early on as the natural leader of the group . after a days work , the men leave their jobs at a factory to head down to the local bar , where john ( george dzundza ) works . three of the men , michael , steven ( john savage ) , and nick ( christopher walken ) will be leaving shortly for vietnam , but not before steven gets married . after the marriage , the group , including axel ( chuck aspegren ) , spend one last day on a hunting trip , one of their favorite past-times . this sequence of events enables us to view the lifestyle of a normal group of men , who will be suddenly and permanently affected by the ravages and separations of war . the wedding scenes , although criticized by many as being quite long , actually enhance even more the purpose of the first act . the outstanding performances by de niro , walken , streep , savage , and cazale , who died very shortly after the filming of the movie was completed , really begin to shine through and promise not to halt in the near future . the second act of the movie begins with the trio of men on the front lines in vietnam , stationed in a south vietnamese village being attacked by the viet cong . the men are eventually captured and held in a floating prison on a river . this prison , run by the v . c . , initiates the horrifying scenes in the movie , where the prisoners are forced to play russian roulette against each other . steven , who is emotionally marred by this turn of events , is secluded in a tiger cage with water up to his face when he refuses to participate . michael shows his leadership again by convincing nick that the only way that steven will survive is if the two friends play against each other , and moreover , they must play with 3 bullets in the gun . personally , i felt that de niro's absolutely gripping portrayal really was displayed in a brilliant way in these and the following scenes . the men are eventually able to escape , but are separated . michael is able to get steven , who ends up losing his legs , to medical care , while nick finds his way to saigon and a u . s . army hospital . michael returns home and does not feel at all like a hero . he wants to avoid the celebrations and recognition that his friends would like to bestow upon him . he assumes that nick is still lost in vietnam . the third act concentrates more on walken's character , who eventually stumbles upon a small gambling operation where the game is , again , russian roulette . only in this game , you play for money . michael has learned that nick is possibly still alive and returns to saigon to attempt to find him . the two narrowly find each other at the russian roulette games , but do not link up until michael discovers nick participating in the games and tries to bring him home . a very emotional , and , for many , a very disturbing movie , the deer hunter is a truly magnificent movie that should not be missed . the greatest performances possible are turned in by all actors , and cimino's directing , which is considered to be at his all-time best in this film , is equally dazzling . do not miss this film , it will captivate and astound you .
84	neg	ironically , one of the themes of 200 cigarettes is that you should try to make the best of every moment in life . unfortunately i will no longer be able to say that i lived every moment of my life to the fullest , because i spent 95 otherwise perfectly good minutes , watching this sad excuse for a movie . actually smoking 200 cigarettes in the same 95 minutes couldn't be any worse for you than it is to watch the movie . not only is it a pathetically bad film overall , but 200 cigarettes actually has no redeeming qualities whatsoever . the plot is scattered , thin and predictable ; the acting is monumentally bad ; and the style of film making resembles a home video . it is december 31 , 1981 and the big party is at monica's ( martha plimpton ) house . but no one has arrived yet . her 8 invited guests and several people that they have picked throughout the evening are wandering the streets of new york city in various groups . some of them know each other through their common bond of having slept with monica , and some are total strangers . but they all are to face their own personal neuroses before night's end . those who are invited are the ones that have the issues . it is up to those who aren't to help them come to terms . first there is eric ( brian mccardie ) who is a former boyfriend of monica's and is just getting over the heartbreak of their relationship terminating prematurely because of his sexual performance , or lack thereof . he is one of the most bland characters , in a film full of dullness , because he is so utterly predictable and stereotypical , a common trait of this poor production . bridget ( nicole parker ) and caitlyn ( angela featherstone ) who are both extremely sensuous young women looking for someone to handle their desires on new year's eve and tag along to the party with them . they stumble across a nameless bartender ( ben affleck ) who is the one truly perfect character in a film of imperfections . he is nether sexually deprived , nor uncertain about his future , as he is in law school . his lack of flaws is both boring , unrealistic and painful to watch . as bridget and caitlyn make passes at him you are neither entertained nor humored by the sub-standard comedy . moving on , there is val ( christina ricci ) and stephie , ( gabby hoffman ) 2 teenage girls with fake identification and very different thoughts . val is monica's cousin and a true fan of the new york scene . on the other hand , stephie is convinced that she is vulnerable to crime when the two venture out of their usual locations in search of the party that they just can't find . paradoxically , it is 2 punks that they meet at a bar ( actually they attempt to flee from their presence , but aren't successful ) who guide them through their fears and force a level of relaxation upon their warped minds . of all the insanely dull and uninteresting couples , only one approaches a level of decency in both acting and plot . wisely , the movie's creators have put heavy emphasis on lucy ( courtney love ) and kevin ( paul rudd ) who are best friends and share the common bond of being dateless . paul has just broken up with long time steady ellie ( janeane garofalo ) and is starting to come to terms with his loss when lucy informs him that ellie had been sleeping around during their relationship . however , the only complexity to these two characters is that they seem to want to be more than friends , and that is reiterated when they attempt sexual intercourse in a bathroom stall on more than one occasion during this strange evening . finally , there are the two worst performances and worst sub-plot of the film . jack ( jay mohr ) and cindy ( kate hudson ) have been going out for a short period of time and jack just learned that he took cindy's virginity the night before . while she attempts to play this down and be her usual self , he is a predictably self loathing male as he attempts to deal with a string of one night stands that includes the recently deflowered cindy . very often , when a film is as putrid as this production , there will at least be a decent quality of film making to reveal an occasional moment of glory . however , this film has neither the quality of cinematography nor the moments of glory to be highlighted . instead , what you get is a collection of rough and inconsistent cuts , bad continuity and inaccuracies . first , and most noticeable is that as the film goes from one subplot to another , there is no apparent order that it follows , and it is also weekened by unnecessarily edgy edits from scene to scene and shot to shot . at other times , objects seem to get up and move and hairstyles and costumes change from shot to shot . there are also at least 4 scenes in a taxi cab that go from start to finish . not in a single one of them does anybody pay the driver . and yet , no matter how miserable this film may be , and no matter how poor the acting is all around , there was a ray of a hope for these many bad plots . perhaps , if the makers had just decided to concentrate on one or two or , perhaps , even three , there might have been the time and opportunity for some character development , or quality acting , or even a decent plot payoff at the end . but it didn't happen that way . the cast of quality name actors was forced into roles that not even one of them could convert into a mediocre performance , and every story line crashed and burned quicker than it takes for the ball to drop at midnight .
85	pos	i recall the trials and tribulations of my high school years . it was a period that would mercilessly force me to exit boyhood and thrust me into the unwelcome arms of adulthood . but of all the experiences that i collected throughout those tender years , i can honestly say that the toughest and the scariest thing that i had to cope with was my raging hormones and my crazed curiosity about girls and sex . yes , more scarier than my seventh grade english teacher and even scarier than the bullies that constantly hounded me , trying to deal with my personal wonderment about sex was like trying to fight an invisible monster . for all teenagers , it's almost like a rite of passage . and what we did was sometimes downright nasty , sometimes funny , and sometimes shocking . and all of that is terrifically and shamelessly brought to light in what might be the funniest movie this summer . `american pie' is a comedy about four sexually frustrated seniors that enter into a pact to lose their virginity by the end of the school year . just how great are their hormones raging ? one of them notes , after watching disney's the little mermaid , that ariel is soooo hot . the four schoolmates are kevin , oz , finch and jim . kevin is the only one with a steady girlfriend , but doesn't want to have sex until the time is just right . but what is the perfect time ? there is just no way to know , and that frightens him . oz is the big jock who decides that the way to score with the girls is to listen to them and to be more sensitive . he joins up with a jazz choir and discovers that getting in touch with his feminine side has some tremendous advantages . finch is the phobic hermit who doesn't stand a chance with any girl . so , he pays someone $200 to start spreading rumors about his prowess . suddenly , girls are lining up to go out with him . but among these friends , it is jim that is the most curious and the most fearful . when he has a chance to romp with a pretty exchange student , his inexperience comes shining through . he has much to learn , and will do anything to seek out this kind of knowledge . this may include watching scrambled porn channels or experimenting with mom's apple pie in a scene that is completely shocking , raunchy , yet unbelievably funny . the one thing that i want to say about this film is that it well deserves its `r' rating . there is stuff in here that is completely gross in the same manner that `there's something about mary' was gloriously ribald . in fact , at first this film received a sinful nc-17 rating before a couple of more cuts finally brought it down to a teen-accessible rating . but i guess after seeing the no-holds-barred coarseness of south park , this seems tame by comparison . teens and anyone who can still remember their acne years are the ones that will laugh hardest . but unlike many teen sex comedies , there is a genuine intelligence at work here . these are four normal boys who have a natural curiosity about sex . their plans of action are thoughtful and they think about the consequences . they know what they want , yet temper it with responsibility . but almost always , it's impossible to know how to fight the invisible monster , and it's these episodes that make `american pie' such a carnal delight to watch .
86	pos	the love for family is one of the strongest driving forces in any man's life , especially for those who have fostered their family under precarious circumstances . thematically in cinema , love for family has been used frequently and emphatically to highlight more abstract aspects of characters ; it is rare , however , for it to develop as outstandingly as it does in roberto benigni's neo-classic drama , life is beautiful . through a central cast of father , mother , and son , benigni demonstrates the wonderful , undying love that a family shares in the best of times and the worst of times . life * is * beautiful for guido orefice ( roberto benigni , directing himself here for the sixth time in his career ) , an italian jew , master con man , and aspiring waiter extraordinaire . living in 1930's italy , he lives a carefree life of good fortune ; it is made even better when he happens upon a pretty schoolteacher named dora ( nicoletta braschi ) . although dora is already engaged , guido manages to sweep her off her feet and persuades her to marry him instead ; the two have a child named joshua ( giorgio cantarini ) . unfortunately for the happy family , the third reich and its nazi minions occupy italy and imprison all jews in work camps . it is after the movie takes this dramatic turn that the movie's theme of family love becomes the strongest . although prior to this turning point benigni plays guido with a sort of goofy charm , he relaxes the role to ensure his son's happiness . now , instead of awkwardly seducing the sweet dora , he constantly reassures his son that everything will be all right . benigni's performance is truly a well-rounded one , and certainly one of the more fluid turns all year . the supports are all strong as well , but the movie truly excels in its script . life is beautiful is a self-proclaimed fable , one which tells its story in grand , two-part fashion . in certain parts it manages to sink to the level of a " saturday night live " spinoff -- a number of humorous skits connected by a token plot -- but in the movie's second half the script's circular nature becomes admirably obvious . characters make reprise appearances in fine form , and certain events which are intially curious become critically linked to the plot's outcome . in all , fans of foreign film will see this as a memorable motion picture , and novice movie-watchers may take this opportunity to see their first " artsy " film . life is beautiful is an artsy movie by convention but easily accessible to everyone , and above all is a fine thematic picture .
87	neg	capsule : not as bad a sequel as crow 2 or batman & robin , but still horribly putrid , cheesy and ill-conceived . this one belongs in saturday morning cartoons . . . extended review : you know , about halfway through this movie , i realized that if you hacked out everything except the fight scenes , you'd have a damn fine 35 minutes or so of flashy , hong kong style martial arts . beautifully choreographed by robin shou , who also plays liu kang , the fight scenes are both mind-blowing and graceful , acrobatic enough to make olympic gymnasts weep . this is what made the original so fun , but unfortunately for the sequel , we are without the frenetic directorial style of paul anderson . instead , they got john r . leonetti , the cinematographer for the original mortal kombat . not a good choice . while the fight scenes are brutal and eye-popping , the rest of the movie looks like standard made for tv fare . the acting is sub-par , which i could endure if it were not for a . ) the director's style , b . ) the special effects , & c . ) the treatment of the story and characters . a . ) mr . leonetti should go back to lighting , in my opinion . i could say dozens of bad things about him : he way overuses slow-motion , he has no eye for action , he can't get even mediocre performances out of actors , and so on . but by far his worst move was the way he treated jumping . apparantly , everybody can now fly . hell , i'm all for the occaisional gravity defying flip kick and whatnot , but not when it happens every few minutes , and is done so poorly . better jumping and acrobatics has been seen in xena : warrior princess . in short , they should have gotten paul anderson back . or at least let robin shou direct . . . b . ) unlike the first one , whose sfx were vibrant and somewhat realistic , mk : a's special effects are bland , fake looking , and overall just plain bad . i counted at least half a dozen times that blue-screening was painfully obvious . had this movie been made in the 80's , it would have been ground-breaking . but in today's industry , it doesn't even look finished . c . ) now for the _really_ bad parts . i admit , i'm an avid fan of the mortal kombat series . the games are amusing diversions , an easy way to work off stress and anger . the first movie was a mindlessly fun thrillride . this could have been a really cool movie . it isn't . the writers apparantly deemed it necessary to lower the target audience from teens to preschoolers . some of the plot elements are just plain stupid . how stupid ? take , for instance , how our heroes move around . they use giants spheres the roll around underground , supposedly at thousands of miles per hour . . . oh boy . . . even worse is the treatment of secondary characters . blink and you'll miss 'em . most characters had more depth in the video games . if you thought batman & robin was bad about this , you ain't seen nothin' yet . a good 75% of the characters are introduced , kick somebody around a bit , then either die or are forgotten about . there's no explanation at all for this . and for the final blasphemy , the fight that all the fans were waiting rabidly for , the fight hyped to be the most intricate of the movie , lasted about 3 minutes and then just sort of . . . ended . it almost made me weep . to sum it all up , rent it on video , and fast-forward through everything except the fight scenes .
88	pos	whenever writer/director robert altman works in a specific genre , he has the tendency to rewrite it on his own terms . he made the west dirty in " mccabe and mrs . miller " ( 1971 ) , he parodied hard-boiled detective stories in " the long goodbye " ( 1973 ) , and he transformed a cartoon into flesh and blood with " popeye " ( 1980 ) . the same holds true for his most recent film , " the gingerbread man , " which reinvents a genre that has developed at an exponential rate over the last five years : the john grisham movie . by the time " the gingerbread man " was completed , there was very little evidence that it was ever based on a story by grisham . there's no idealist young lawyer ala tom cruise , matthew mcconaughey , chris o'donnell or matt damon , and it doesn't feature a great showdown in a courtroom . instead of being a grand ode to the powers of the legal profession , " the gingerbread man " is a rain-soaked , southern gothic noir thriller with wildly eccentric characters , a twisting plot line , black humor , a somewhat bleak ending , and even altman's trademark full-frontal female nudity . the central character of the film is rick magruder , who is unlike any of grisham's other lawyer heroes . he is older , experienced , and rich ; he drives a cherry-red $80 , 000 mercedes that never gets dirty , even in the incessantly pouring rain of savannah , georgia , where the story unfolds . rick is in the midst of an ugly divorce with his wife , leeanne ( famke janssen ) , and he rarely gets to see his two children , jeff ( jesse james ) and libby ( mae whitman ) . a reason is never given for the divorce , but it isn't hard to surmise that rick's womanizing had a large part in it . whenever he's late to pick up the kids on his visitation days , leeanne always assumes it's because he's been " screwing around . " after an office party celebrating another of his court victories ( he hasn't lost in eight years ) , rick becomes involved with mallory doss ( embeth davidtz ) , one of the catering waitresses . he drives her home because her car has been stolen , and they end up in bed together . rick finds out that mallory is being terrorized and stalked by her slightly psychotic father , dixon doss ( robert duvall ) , a grungy , stringy , bare-footed old man who leads a commune of other greasy old codgers . it was actually dixon who stole her car that night , and when rick asks why , mallory replies that he always does " weird " stuff like that . as another character puts it , dixon is " a few beers short of six-pack . " rick ends up convincing mallory to have dixon brought to court and tried for competency . he succeeds with information dug up by clyde pell , a private investigator friend ( robert downey jr . ) , and testimony from mallory's begrudging ex-husband , pete randle ( tom berenger ) . dixon is put in a mental hospital , but his commune buddies succeed in breaking him out . from there , the story delves into kidnapping , murder , double-crossing , and even a hurricane that adds an ominous cloud of constant violence to the action . altman's cinematographer , changwei gu , gives the film a dark , soaked look . if it isn't night-time , at least it's raining . gu shoots the interiors , which are almost all dark wood paneling , with a minimum of light . a great deal of the action takes place in the leafy georgia backwoods , which altman uses to create an acute sense of dread and vulnerability . in the city there is danger enough , but when rick has to venture into the woods , you can almost feel him leaving all hope of civilization behind as he literally enters another world . altman has worked in just about every conceivable genre , from westerns to epic dramas to comedies . but , no matter what the genre , he is always sure to give it the altman stamp , which usually consists of all kinds of idiosyncratic quirks and little details that are often missed without repeat viewings . " the gingerbread man " is no different , although his style is much more restrained here . however , without those little touches , the film could have easily slumped into a routine action/thriller . a great deal of the credit for the film's success can be given to the actors , especially branagh , who rarely works outside of period pieces and his own direction . here , the british actor consistently maintains a serviceable southern drawl , while making an essentially contemptible character interesting and sympathetic . rick is an extremely flawed man , but branaugh brings real humanity to his character . without it , the entire film would fall flat because so much of it is reliant on the audience feeling rick's pain and frustration . the supporting actors also put in fine performances , including embeth davidtz , who is probably best known for her heart-breaking role as the jewish maid in " schindler's list " ( 1993 ) . tom berenger provides some gruff comic relief , and robert duvall spends most of his on-screen time just looking weird . it doesn't seem like he does much because he has very little spoken dialogue , but watch him closely during the film's one courtroom scene : his entire performance is in his eyes and his body language , and few actors could have pulled it off without being either silly or overbearing . while " the gingerbread man " isn't in league with altman's greatest works like " nashville " ( 1975 ) or " the player " ( 1992 ) , it is nonetheless a solid piece of genre filmmaking , which may prove a successful vehicle to restart his somewhat lagging career . some critics love to stamp films like this as " commercial , " as if altman can only maintain artistic integrity if his films are aimed at a tiny audience and don't make money . altman has done something much better : he took what could have been a generic movie , and by investing artistry and effort , he made it into something more .
89	pos	i must admit i'm going to be a bit biased in my review of the new romantic comedy serendipity , because that also defines how i met my current girlfriend . the magic and mystery of our fated encounter is also embodied in the quirkiness and freshness of the very funny and very romantic serendipity . i am not a big fan of the romantic comedy genre , but something drew me to this film . maybe it was the casting of the underrated jeremy piven in a supporting role , and the hilarious eugene levy . maybe it was my hope that john cusack would get the redemption he justly deserves after such crap as high fidelity , con air , and pushing tin . but maybe it was because i feel as giddy as a school kid right now with this whole romantic thing currently in my life . the story of serendipity is simple . two people , john trager ( john cusack ) and sara thomas ( kate beckinsale , looking ever so hot ) , have a chance encounter over a pair of gloves -- with buck henry smack dab in the middle . charmed beyond repair , these two knuckleheads grab a sundae together at a caf ? called serendipity , talk about that irresponsible thing called fate and the avenues it leads people down , and spend a few hours at the local ice skating rink . but with each of them already involved with other parties , sara has john write his name and number on a $5 bill and she writes her name and number on a copy of love in the time of cholera . sara declares that if this " thing " -- let's just call it love -- is destined to happen , fate will bring them together in the future . years later and on opposite coasts of america , john and sara -- both engaged but still unsure whether they have found their soul mates -- decide to seek each other out to rest their doubts . what happens then is an enjoyable and often hilarious cat-and-mouse game with the fates - involving such items as mistaken identity , a graduate homage , john corbett as a freaky new age musician , and eugene levy as an irate and crazed salesman -- to find out if that " thing " was right after all . fortunately , first-time screenwriter marc klein has sketched strong , well-rounded , characters to propel a predictable and corny narrative . coupled with deft directing by michael chelsom ( director of the very unfunny town and country and the very funny funny bones ) and the use of time-lapse camera work to illustrate the passage of years -- the film comes off with genuine believability and sincerity . both piven and molly shannon make nice sidekick characters on the flipside , films such as you've got mail , made in heaven , and even high fidelity are the quiet inspirations for the film's main journey at hand . but it's what happens to the unexpecting characters left behind in the romantic wake after john and sara find happiness this is the most unsettling part of the picture .
90	neg	" goodbye , lover " sat on the shelf for almost a year since its lukewarm reception at the cannes film festival last may , and one look will tell you why . it's a mess . and that's * way * before ellen degeneres shows up . the film is one of those torrid double-indemnity crime stories that , in this case , required the services of three screenwriters . i suspect that one wrote a sexy thriller , one wrote a murder mystery , and one wrote a comedy , then director roland joff ? tried to piece it all together in the editing room while scratching his head in bewilderment . i didn't laugh at ellen degeneres much ( i think i was supposed to ) . degeneres is horrible and her character is even worse , a tough-talking vulgar cop with a bad wardrobe and bad hair . either degeneres is wearing a wig--as most of the actors appear to be--or she doesn't yet have enough clout to secure a hairstylist . every single word out of her mouth is supposed to be racy and hip , but her incessant wisecracking is poorly-written and merely stupid . her reaction to the brutal killing of a jogger is " at least she died healthy . " and that's one of her wittier asides . degeneres' sgt . rita pompano is called in to investigate the allegedly accidental death of . . . wait . to give away too much of the plot would all but ruin a film that has very little going for it outside of its numbing plot twists and multiple triple-crosses . it's best described this way : sultry sexpot/real estate agent sandra dunmore ( patricia arquette ) is married to jake , a " creative yet unfocused " ( and alcoholic ) advertising rep , played by dermot mulroney . sandra likes to act out her deep-seated sexual fantasies and jake's brother ben ( the suave-as-ever don johnson ) likes to help . ben is also coming on to his petite , mousy co-worker peggy blaine ( mary-louise parker ) and someone , somewhere , is planning to cash in on that huge life insurance policy of his . the film is ripe with cheating lovers cheating on each other and back again . although there are some genuine surprises , the plot twists get too contrived too quickly . probably around the time degeneres' gumcracking gumshoe appears . at least the former " ellen " star is going for something a little different . arquette turns in yet another of her stiletto-heeled , platinum blonde bombshell roles ( see : " lost highway , " " true romance " ) while quoting embarrassing lines like " i'm not wearing any underwear . " i hope she got paid a lot of money to do this . here's an example of some of the film's flat-out stupidity . sandra purchases a used car and disguises herself in a red wig prior to stalking two of the film's duplicitous lovers . she drives the motorbiking couple off a cliff while blaring her favorite " the sound of music " on her car stereo , intent on identifying herself to her hapless victims . so what was the point of the wig and the car ? " the sound of music " stuff might be a reference to " the wizard of oz " allusions in david lynch's " wild at heart , " but if so joff ? must have forgotten that " wild at heart " was a despicable movie . it's hard to believe that " goodbye , lover " was directed by the same person who made " the killing fields " and " the mission . " it's not , however , hard to see why it sat on the shelf for so long . it should have stayed there .
91	neg	wow , a film without any redeeming qualities whatsoever . i'm amazed that someone thought this was a story that must be told on screen . many blacks in hollywood complain that they are not nominated for awards based on their race . i think first they need to concentrate their energy on themselves , and stop making movies which makes them look like nothing more than sex-crazed buffoons . even i'm offended by it . bill bellamy is a " player " which means he sleeps with a lot of women and lies to them . what a pleasant main character . one day , his friends decide that they want to find out how to be a player . why they decide this " one day " i have no idea . how many years have they been friends and why all of a sudden would they want to learn ? anyway , bellamy agrees to teach , and his wonderful lesson to his friends consists of letting them ride in his car while he rides from house to house having sex with women . this is the bulk of the film folks , guys riding from house to house , one keeps getting out to have sex , while the others sit in the car . since russell simmons is producer , and since the official title of the film is " def jam's how to be a player " , i was ready to be jumping up and down and stomping my feet and beating the person next to me because of the comedy . amazingly , aside from gilbert gottfried's 90 seconds of screen time , there was no comedy in the film for me to express myself in such a manner . instead of jokes , there's just an endless stream of profanity and naked breasts ( and naked breasts aren't so bad , but naked breasts alone don't make a good movie ) . be sure to bring along your ebonics to english dictionary as well . gilbert gottfried's character serves as one in his very brief appearance , asking for explanations as to what is being said . they should have brought him along for the entire film . [r]
92	neg	i wish i could accurately describe the theme music for part 3 . the best way i can put it is that it's funky . i know this is an odd question , but remember the opening music of " police academy 4 : citizens on patrol " , when steve guttenberg and michael winslow perform the title song " citizens on patrol " during the opening credits ? it's just like that . anyway , part 3 takes place a day after the events of part 2 ( so technically still 1985 ) . this time , a group of horny teens ( who also bring along two aging hippie potheads for some reason ) head up to a cabin on crystal lake for a weekend of sex and weed . it turns out that one of the teens had been attacked by jason earlier in her life ( which must have been between parts 1 and 2 ) so why she has returned to crystal lake one day after a new batch of murders is beyond me . she's the lone survivor this time . part 3 was originally shown in theaters in 3-d , and from what i can tell from the video , it looks as though they may have been fairly decent effects . jason had long , wild hair when he was unmasked in part 2 . now , one day later he's completely bald . also , it being one day later , it can't be friday the 13th now can it ? oh well . steve miner is the only director who helmed more than one film in the series . [r]
93	pos	synopsis : captain picard and the crew of the starship enterprise disobey federation orders and defend a peaceful community of 600 , the ba'ku , from the evil admiral dougherty and ru'afro . the enterprise crew , in the meantime , experience the rejuvenating qualities of the ba'ku homeworld : lt . worf grows a pimple , data sings opera pieces , picard scores with a ba'ku chick , riker shaves while sharing a bubblebath with troi , and the enterprise women note their firmer breasts . comments : " star trek : the next generation " was a hugely successful sequel tv series to " star trek , " a science fiction series which developed a devoted fan following in the 1970s . even though it still enjoyed high ratings , " star trek : the next generation " ended production after seven years so that the cast could replace the original " star trek " 's cast in paramount's film franchise centering on the voyages of the starship enterprise . star trek : insurrection is the ninth " star trek " movie and the third to focus on the " star trek : the next generation " crew . star trek : insurrection qualifies as one of those movies star trek fans , such as myself , would rate somewhere between " okay " and " good . " after star trek v : the final frontier , a nearly awful movie almost as bad as the repugnant " star trek : voyager " tv series , " star trek " fans could probably swallow anything paramount throws out in the trek film franchise . i don't wish to spend this review comparing insurrection to the eight other trek movies . most people reading this probably haven't followed " star trek " anyway , so a comparison would seem tedious at best . let me , thus , make my comparisons briefly so that it's out of my system : star trek : insurrection is not as good as the previous installment , star trek : first contact ; star trek : insurrection's comic tone may be best compared to star trek iv : the voyage home ; star trek ii : the wrath of khan is still the best trek movie . okay . let's move to the movie itself . star trek : insurrection infuses a basic science fiction premise , humanity's exploration and colonization of space , with a lot of lowbrow humor and witty oneliners . this combination works well more often than it fails , but when it does fail , the humor really seems cheesy . much of this film appeals to trek fans' nostalgic fondness for the starship enterprise's crew . audiences unfamiliar with trek lore may miss the significance of some plot points and may even become confused at times . star trek : insurrection begins with scenes of the tranquil life on the ba'ku homeworld . forget the actors and special effects , the beautiful setting of this movie , with its snowy mountaintops and verdant valleys , steals the show . this tranquility , however , is broken by data , an android , who reveals to the ba'ku that they are being secretly monitored by the federation and their alien allies , the son'a . it seems that this world is a veritable fountain of youth , sustaining its inhabitants indefinantly in a young , healthy state . the enterprise crew , led by captain picard , investigates data's actions and uncovers a conspiracy between the son'a and an enterprise admiral to relocate the ba'ku and plunder the planet's youth-restoring properties . sound pretty heavy ? it is , though this plot , anything but unique and groundbreaking , is undermined by the film's constant barrage of humor . when going after data , for instance , picard sings an opera piece with him ( this is supposed to be cute and humorous ) . in a much more funny sequence , work grows a large pimple on the side of his nose as a result of his exposure to the ba'ku homeworld , a pimple which his crewmates , try as they might , cannot avoid looking at . the acting in star trek : insurrection is , for the most part , pretty good . since they've been playing these characters for years , those portraying the enterprise crew reassume their roles effortlessly enough . the terrific actor patrick stewart plays captain jean-luc picard and delivers a moral speech , picard's trademark , with his usual aplomb . brent spiner , another fine actor , plays the android data well enough again and provides the best moments of comic relief in the film ( though the old android-wishing-to-be-human motif will tire some trek fans familiar with the routine from the tv series ) . the supporting cast who appear in this movie alone are also pretty good . despite many other critics' negative opinions , f . murray abraham ( the winner of an academy award for his performance in amadeus ) plays the major villain ru'afro well enough . ru'afro reminds me , somewhat , of the baron harkonnen in the 1984 film version of dune . like the baron , ru'afro continuously has his skin looked after : it is stretched and stapled by servants . in one particularly memorable scene , ru'afro becomes very agitated , and his facial skin splits open and bleeds . ru'afro is no khan from star trek ii--the best trek villain ever--but he is much better than the forgettable dr . soran from star trek : generations . ( okay , i promise , no more comparisons . ) donna murphy must also be noted as a ba'ku woman , anij , who picard falls in love with . murphy is not a young woman with a supermodel body ; she is a mature woman with an attractive countenance . this is the type of woman whom picard , for those who know the character well , would be enchanted with . in fact , the chemistry between murphy and stewart works very well here . a particular plot point involving anij's ability to slow time down , an ability which she shares with picard , becomes one of the most intriguing parts of the movie . for as good as the actors and setting were , star trek : insurrection's special effects were surprisingly disappointing . they proved adequate , sometimes barely , for a 1990s mainstream science fiction film , but they fell way short of the standard trek movie and paled in comparison to those seen in the trailer for star wars : the phantom menace ( a trailer which reportedly preceded many showings of insurrection ) . the space battles involving the enterprise and sona ships , in particular , seemed trite and unsuspenseful , and the final confrontation between picard and ru'afro took place on a completely unconvincing interior of a satellite . the new enterprise itself , only seen in this film and its predecessor , remains largely unexplored , though its exterior doesn't look quite right for a reason i cannot explain . despite star trek : insurrection's frequent comic goofiness and occasional substandard special effects , i enjoyed the film . it maintains roddenberry's largely optimistic view of the future and rejects the gritty violence of its predecessors , particularly star trek : first contact ( though , don't get me wrong , the dark tones of trek films like first contact can work very successfully ) . i'd recommend insurrection as a matinee film for a saturday afternoon , especially for fans of trek or science fiction in general . rated pg , i can't see this film being objectionable to the viewing audience , young or old .
94	neg	when i was nine , i started buying the coolest toy figures in my local department store . masters of the universe was the pinnacle of what i was after for action figures : they combined science fiction and fantasy , had cool names like mekanek and stinkor and each came with its own little comic book to read . of course , the animated series produced by filmation remains one of the most wildly successful television products in world history . given the tremendous success of the toys and the cartoon ( not to mention its moderately successful spin-off she-ra : princess of power ) , it was inevitable that a production company would put two and two together , come with the result of " trillions " and make a live-action masters movie . let's be blunt : masters of the universe is a very bad movie . the story is painfully dull and mind-numbingly cliched ( hands up who * wouldn't * guess he-man and skeletor take their fight into the real world ) and is acted out by either incredibly untalented actors ( dolph lundgren as he-man for one ) or good actors ( james tolkan , meg foster ) given such awful characters and dialogue that they can't help but seem terrible . it is extremely clear that someone making the movie wanted it to be as good as star wars . we have the alien bounty hunters , the desert skif technology , stormtrooper lookalikes and a musical score so reminiscent of john williams that " deja vu " is too polite a term to use in describing it . " blatant uninspired ripoff " would appear more appropriate . tv fans might want to check out courtney cox ( monica in friends ) and robert duncan mcneill ( lt paris in star trek : voyager ) , very early in their careers and not doing to well in them either . so in the face of such mindless sub-mediocrity , is there anything to make masters of the universe worth watching at all ? yes , there is . one incredible good reason . his name is frank langella . langella has always been one of the underrated actors of hollywood , appearing in countless films over the years . here he plays skeletor , the villain of the piece . dressed in opulent black velvet robes and bearing a skull for a face , he is one part darth vader , one part emperor and two parts grim reaper . given this character , langella falls right into it with style and precision . skeletor is believable , interesting and manages to tread the fine line between being a homage to the past and startlingly original in his own right . masters of the universe . i remember loving it when i was eleven . at twenty one it's difficult to see why . but , as i said , it is blessed with a superlative villain who makes the entire thing worth the tedium of the remainder . besides , this year marks the film's 10th anniversary . watch it with some friends for a good laugh and celebrate .
95	neg	if anyone had been able in 1983 to forsee a late-night cable show hosted by gilbert gottfried showcasing some of the worst films of the 80's , they'd agree d . c . cab is the quintessential " usa up all nite " movie . it's one of those childish r-rated movies that kids would love but can't see until it's edited for tv . it's also one of those pointless , almost plotless movies with hardly any laughs . and , strike three , it pairs mr . t with gary busey . i heard gilbert say d . c . cab had " an all-star cast , " but i'm still hoping there was some degree of facetiousness in that statement . when third-billing goes to a two-minute appearance by famed flashdancer irene cara " as herself , " you can't say a damn thing about all-star casts . likewise for token appearances by marsha " roz " warfield , paul rodriguez and " politically incorrect " host bill maher , before he was somebody . appearing in d . c . cab pretty much had the opposite effect on everyone else , especially irene " i'm gonna live forever " cara . d . c . cab is an ensemble comedy from joel schumacher ( who would go on to direct batman forever ) about a bunch of misfits who drive cabs . you get the feeling if the police academy cadets had made a different career choice , this would be the result , except here you have such interesting characters as the " token white guy " ( busey ) who wants to get in tight with the blacks now before they take over the world , the token jive talker named tyrone ( charlie barnett ) who wears his hair in rollers and uses the word " honkey " as much as possible , the tough guy with the mohawk and gold chains ( mr . t -- a real stretch for him ) , the aspiring musician waiting for his big break ( maher ) , the mexican gigolo ( rodriguez ) , the woman who actually wants to drive cabs for a living ( warfield ) and the guy who wants to own a cab company for a living ( adam baldwin ) . we've all seen dozens of bad comedies from the 80's . some are fun to watch and some are actually funny . this one is more or less neither . you'd think plenty of comedic sparks would fly from the assemblage of talent ( whatever ) , but d . c . cab more or less falls flat on a continual basis , culminating in the usual contrived hollywood finale as baldwin is kidnapped and the other cabbies have to go to rescue him . it's a shame no one was able to rescue this movie from the depths of stale jokes and unoriginality . d . c . cab has rightly earned its position on " usa up all nite . "
96	neg	the marvelous british actor derek jacobi stars in writer and director john maybury's love is the devil about the popular modern artist francis bacon . as always , jacobi's acting is impeccable , but the movie tries hard and succeeds at being unentertaining and opaque . the movie convincingly argues that francis , played by jacobi , was a completely despicable and vain individual , but it never provides any insight into his work or any motivation for his attitude . when interviewed by a fawning talk show host , francis calls his style " chance brushstrokes . " starting with a burglary of francis's flat , the film uses loud sound effects that sound like they were lifted from a cheap horror movie . the camera shots are heavy on the avant-garde angles -- lots of wide-angle close-ups and distorted shots filmed through colored-glass reflections . the director is much more interested in filmmaking style than in the substance of the story with the result being a sterile examination of a lonely and vain man . daniel craig , in a lifeless performance , plays the burglar and boxer , george dyer . when francis lays eyes on him after the break-in , francis promises not to call the police if he'll stay for sex . he stays for the entire movie but never respects the man with whom he shares a bed . he thinks that francis's paintings have " no bloody use , " and the movie presents no counterargument . writer maybury barely outlines francis's character , and george and the rest of the supporting cast remain a complete enigma . we learn little of george other than francis's reason for liking him -- george's " amorality and innocence . " francis's love of sadomasochism is shown early and often . " boxing is such a marvelous aperitif for sex , " he reflects to george on the way to watch a boxing match . as the fighter's head is sliced open with a heavy blow , the camera cuts to a gleeful francis whose own head is soaked by the flying blood . francis appears to be in complete ecstasy . another of francis's favorite activities is viewing old movies of atrocities . as the carnage mounts , we witness an orgasmically happy francis in the audience . in a film that tries obsessively to shock , one dream sequence portrays a family in a car accident . francis's mind slowly examines every bloody limb of the mother , the father , and the boy . sometimes the script throws us tidbits of francis's wisdom which illuminate little while merely sounding insightful . ( " i'm optimistic by nature . i'm optimistic about nothing . " " loneliness is my only true companion . " ) we learn more details about francis's makeup techniques than about the man himself . he prefers shoe polish for his hair and sink cleaning powder for his teeth . full of metaphorical interpretations , the film's best scene occurs late one night when george has to get up to go to the bathroom . mistaking francis's picture of a toilet for the genuine article , he urinates on it and then crawls back into bed contentedly . like a parody of a bad art house movie , love is the devil has horrid characters filmed bizarrely and confusingly by a director who is much more interested in technique than storytelling . by the end , the audience hasn't learned any more than it could have in a three-minute sketch . love is the devil runs 1 : 30 . the film is not rated but should be considered nc-17 for violence , profanity , graphic sex , nudity and sadomasochism and is unacceptable for most teenagers .
97	pos	this is the movie not the perfume . a slow moving , stylish psychological thriller in imitation of hitchcock's vertigo . it is adapted from an original story by brian de palma and paul schrader , and is directed by de palma and scripted by schrader . set in new orleans , 1959 , it shows the wealthy michael courtland ( cliff robertson ) sitting on top of the world , celebrating his tenth wedding anniversary with a party in his mansion , as his lovely wife elizabeth ( genevi ? ve bujold ) and young daughter amy ( blackman ) , both look up to him beaming with joy . his real-estate development partner bob la salle ( john lithgow ) proposes a toast to him and to their prosperous business , while his high society friends give him their best wishes . upon retiring for the night , his daughter and wife are kidnapped in their bedroom and he is left with a ransom note to deliver $500 , 000 tomorrow or they will be killed . inspector brie ( stanley reyes ) comes up with a plan to put in phony money and a transmitter in the briefcase exchange , as that will lead them to the kidnappers . but the kidnappers burst out of the house surrounded by the police , taking the two victims with them and in the pursuing police chase , the kidnapper's car explodes and goes over the bridge , where none of the bodies were found . grieving the loss of his wife and child , the guilt-ridden michael builds them a tomb on the expensive land they were to develop . sixteen years later he goes with his partner bob on a vacation and he revisits florence , italy , where he met his wife . when he goes to the church where they met , he sees a young girl who looks exactly like his wife . her name is sandra portinari ( genevi ? ve bujold ) and she's working there restoring art that is decaying . he falls instantly in love with her and doesn't heed bob's warnings that she might be a gold digger and decides to take her back to new orleans and marry her . sandra becomes his second chance to prove his love , as he thinks he can finally put the past behind him . the surprises to come weren't really all that surprising , as the beauty in the storytelling is almost exclusively in the understated acting by the soul stricken cliff robertson , the emotionally impactful performance by genevi ? ve bujold , and the competent acting of john lithgow . it plays too much like a rehash of the master's work , to break any new ground , yet it is still thrilling in its own way .
98	neg	this was the last carry on movie ( if you discount 'carry on columbus' as a carry on movie ) and was made by a new production company . based in central london , this movie is about the attempts by emmanuelle prevert ( suzanne danielle ) to bed her husband emile the french ambassador ( kenneth williams ) . when he seems unwilling , she is given his permission to bed anyone she likes , such as the prime minister and the u . s . ambassador . her antics get her into trouble and the british press spread these rumours all over their front pages . she is invited to talk on television to set the record straight but only confirms the rumours instead . meanwhile , theodore valentine ( larry dann ) is in love with emmannuelle after a chance encounter in the toilet of the concorde and is determined to marry her . however , she is only interested in restoring her husband's ardour which seems a little difficult after emile's accident with a church spire ! this film is the second worst carry on movie , the worst being 'carry on england' . it is embarassing to see some of the remaining regulars struggle through this diabolical script by lance peters and try to pull off some of the crude and tasteless jokes that he has written . newcomers suzanne danielle and beryl reid ( as mrs . valentine ) are mildly funny , but larry dann as theodore is excruciatingly bad . kenneth williams only appears in a few scenes and his lacklustre performance is warranted , given the script . the small parts for jack douglas as lyons the butler , joan sims as mrs . dangle , kenneth connor as leyland the chauffeur , and peter butterworth as richmond , are worthless and embarassing . in fact , all four parts are surplus to requirements . however , the only humourous scene in the film is when the four of them and emmannuelle talk about their most amourous escapades . an awful script , a terrible collection of jokes , very poor production values ( especially the scene where emmannuelle takes her clothes off at st . james palace ) , a ludicrous and cringeworthy musical score , and a non-existent plot or storyline . its just a succession of awful set pieces about who emmannuelle will bed next ! jack douglas is not so annoying but is more boring , joan sims and peter butterworth are wasted , and kenneth connor and kenneth williams put in some poor performances as leyland and emile . a complete waste of time , this movie was trying to catch up with the new sexually permissive seventies . it was a certificate 15 film but by 1978 , there was little interest in this kind of film and it flopped at the box office and was only given its premiere on uk terrestrial television in april 1998 ! avoid at all costs !
99	neg	" varsity blues " is the best film of 1999 thus far . unfortunately , it is also the first film i have seen from 1999 . it is another one of those small-town sports movies that involves a flawed , but good-heartedfrom 1999 . it is another one of those small-town sports movies that involves a flawed , but good-hearted protagonist ; a rough and meanspirited coach ; and the " big game . " by the end , will the underdog overcome great odds and triumph ? will everyone in the town turn against the coach ? will the team win the climactic game ? do cats bathe themselves regularly ? the so-called " hero " in question is john moxin ( james van der beek ) , a senior at west canaan high school who plays for the varsity football team , but is really just hoping to get a scholarship at brown university so that he can get out of the dead-end town . at least he's got the right idea , since west canaan , texas is portrayed in the film as , frankly , pathetic , with the whole town treating the weekly football games as the second coming . heck , in one scene , the front page of the town's newspaper is proclaiming about the west canaan badgers' big win the night before . when the team's star quarterback is severely injured , tearing the ligaments in his leg , john finds himself taking over as the team's leader , but his few minutes of glory do not last long , as he begins to have problems with his girlfriend ( amy smart ) when she discovers he spent an evening with another girl ( ali larter ) . and after staying out all night with his drinking buddies at a strip joint ( all of the teenagers in the film are portrayed as raging alcoholics ) , the team loses their second-to-last game , putting john at feuds with the coach ( jon voight who , like gary oldman , is overstaying his welcome in the typecasted role as the " bad guy " ) . worse yet , the coach is threatening to ruin john's scholarship chances if the badgers don't win their final game . the plotting of " varsity blues " is as old as the hills , and contains every cliche in the book . admittedly , i was never exactly bored while i was watching it , but i hasten to add that i was rarely ever entertained . throughout , all i could really think of is how virtually the same exact story had been filmed with a great deal more thoughtfulness and maturity in 1983's " all the right moves . " one of the biggest problems i had with the film is how little of interest any of the characters actually were , least of all certainly not john , who , played by van der beek ( of tv's " dawson's creek " ) , is pretty much a bore without any engaging qualities . while i probably shouldn't blame this on van der beek , since the inauspicious and " by-the-numbers " screenplay by w . peter iliff isn't of any help , he is still certainly not in the league of tom cruise in " all the right moves . " the story revolving around john , meanwhile , is extemely thin throughout , particularly for its 104-minute running time , and it alternates between uninspired comic relief ( as in when the students see their sex education teacher working as a stripper at the club ) and heavy-handed melodrama . the romance between john and his girlfriend had the potential to be an adequate subplot , but we also learned very little about her , which is unfortunate since amy smart , whom i don't think i've seen before in past films , is probably the only character written with any sort of intelligence . smart does not allow her character to become the " passive girlfriend , " instead coming off as a young woman with her own ideas and opinions . it's too bad the camera didn't linger on her long enough so we could hear some of those thoughts . the adult characters probably fare the worse of any , since they all must play residents of a dim-witted town that cares about nothing but football . john's relationship with his parents can also be telegraphed far in advance . his father is set on him becoming a football player at a university , but john doesn't want any part of that . his mother stands beside her " big , strong husband " and is a passive female . finally , jon voight plays the stock bully coach character and he does nothing to make the thankless role any more than one-dimensional . saving " varsity blues " from being a total washout are a few amusing sequences , including one set in the sex education class , which did get a laugh out of me . the scenes of playing football were well-shot and thankfully didn't overstay their welcome , as many sports films fall victim to . but leaving the theater , the question i had in my mind was why did this film need to be made ? i seem to be asking this question quite a lot lately , since the same old stories seem to be cranking out of hollywood . do we really need another high-school sports film ? no , we don't , and certainly not one of this low-caliber , which felt like a cut-and-paste job of spare parts from much better , but similar , films . " varsity blues , " no doubt is the first one , however , to include an earnest scene in which one of the characters is only wearing whipped cream on their private parts .
100	pos	the police negotiator is the person with the entirely unenviable job of going into ground zero and attempting to talk a dangerous criminal out of doing whatever he or she intends to do . lives are often at stake , and the criminal is usually armed and most likely mentally unstable , prone to turn on the negotiator at a moment's notice . the negotiator must therefore be something of an actor , psychologist , and sham artist , in addition to being a police officer ; he must be able to think on his feet and either work toward the goal of ending the confrontation without violence , or failing that , must be prepared to facilitate the conclusion of the crisis through firepower . most of all , the negotiator must be able to enter a situation with as little intelligence about the scenario as possible , and quickly gain control of the situation , dominate the conversation , and influence the perpetrator into thinking that the end of the conflict is what he really wants . it takes a pretty smart person to do that . but what if the hostage-holding criminal is just as smart ? what if he's also able to think on his feet ? in fact , what if he also knows all the tricks to turning the situation to his favor ? it is this circumstance which forms the basis for f . gary gray's the negotiator . in this film , police negotiator danny roman ( samuel l . jackson ) is tipped off by his partner to corruption within the chicago police force . when his partner turns up shot to death and internal affairs finds incriminating evidence in roman's home , roman becomes the prime suspect of both embezzling from the police disability fund and murder . faced with the scorn of most of the police department , and under close scrutiny by the media , roman is forced to turn in his badge in one of those typical scenes in the captain's office . i don't quite remember if the captain actually said , " i hate to do this , but . . . " , although it wouldn't surprise me if he did . luckily , the film soon shakes off the conventionalism and concentrates on the interesting premise mentioned above . after being offered a take-it-or-leave-it deal by the district attorney , roman resolves to prove his innocence by walking into the office of internal affairs inspector niebaum ( j . t . walsh ) , taking him and others hostage , and proclaiming he has been framed . although roman's actions seem forced due to the compressed nature of his motivational build-up , gray redeems himself by involving us with the negotiations between roman and fellow police negotiator chris sabian ( kevin spacey ) which soon ensue . jackson , while a superb actor , is miscast in the role of roman . the actor has become so popular , and so often identified as a protagonist ( notable exceptions can be found , such as in jackie brown ) , that we as an audience have a difficult time believing he will carry out his threats . the script also clearly sets him up as the good guy who is only trying to prove his innocence . how can we believe he's going to shoot a hostage , no matter if the hostage tried to kill him earlier ? unfortunately , this preconception saps the film of some of it's would-be suspenseful moments , and anything good left in those scenes is largely attributed to jackson's acting ability . almost every time he's in a scene , jackson steals it without looking back . when spacey appears , the film has already run about a third of its course . his is an interesting character . made out to be some kind of negotiating superman , our first look at him has him hopelessly trying to get his family moving to set out on vacation . " i can talk a man out of blowing up the sears tower , but i can't talk my wife out of the bedroom or my daughter off the phone , " he says . when he gets the call to action , however , he quickly changes gears and becomes the man we expect him to be . soon , his character has to negotiate not only with roman , but also with the swat commander ( david morse ) who is itching to send in a team to take roman out , all the while keeping wary of the fbi agents who are waiting to take over the operation , should negotiations fail . this complex set of pressures are reflected well in sabian the negotiator and spacey the actor . as the second protagonist , spacey measures up nicely . gray really lucked out with this cast . david morse as commander beck , ron rifkin as commander frost , and john spencer as police chief al travis are all more than competent , and can hold their own in scenes with jackson and spacey . the only problem is the bit of typecasting that results from these choices : morse played a similar role in the rock , rifkin played the d . a . in l . a . confidential , and spencer played a police detective in cop land . with the level of acting , however , this can be forgiven . also in the supporting cast , paul giamatti as rudy , one of the hostages , is notable for the comic relief he provides . his character is initially so slimy , and giamatti himself just looks so shifty , that you expect to laugh before he even says anything . fortunately , this doesn't distract from the seriousness of the rest of the film , but instead provides some nice breathers from the level of tension which gray manages to sustain throughout . j . t . walsh , as the suspicious internal affairs inspector , clocks in with one of his final performances . sadly , the talented but underrated actor passed away in late february of this year , and the soon to be released pleasantville will mark his last film . walsh appeared in dozens of movies such as good morning vietnam , backdraft , and nixon . for one of his best performances , check out sling blade , in which he plays a mental patient sharing a ward with billy bob thornton . when jack nicholson accepted his best actor oscar in march , walsh was one of the men to whom he credited his success ( the actors performed together in a few good men ) . the negotiator is actually dedicated to walsh , and while inspector niebaum may not have been his best role , it certainly characterizes the type of character for which walsh had become most famous for playing . in the end , the negotiator has a plotline that parallels it's reality . we're served with the premise that two equally deft negotiators are battling each other to resolve the conflict in the manner which will suit each of them best . as an audience , we're also given a situation where two wonderfully talented actors are thrown into a movie , and we'd like to see if one will dominate the film . both provide some pretty good entertainment .
101	neg	a life less ordinary ( r ) while the extremely peculiar a life less ordinary does live up to its title , a more appropriate moniker would be a movie more misguided , for this confused , confusing attempt at romantic comedy is a most disarming disaster from the talented trainspotting team of director danny boyle , producer andrew macdonald , and screenwriter john hodge . at the core of this strange film is a fairly basic--and , yes , ordinary--premise . after robert ( boyle regular ewan mcgregor ) , an aspiring writer of trashy novels , is fired from his janitorial job at the naville corporation , he kidnaps naville's ( ian holm ) spoiled daughter celine ( cameron diaz ) and holds her for ransom . the joke here is that celine is a willing victim--her father threatened to cut her off financially , so she wants revenge--and that she soon becomes not only an accomplice but the brains behind the scheme , teaching the inept robert a thing or two about kidnapping . . . and , ultimately ( didn't we see this one coming ? ) , love . so far , so mediocre . but mediocre is better than dreadful , which this film is , thanks in no small part to the hodge's contextual frame for the romance . it turns out that god is displeased with the divorce and romantic breakup rate on earth , so the chief of heaven's police , gabriel ( dan hedaya ) dispatches two angels , o'reilly ( holly hunter ) and jackson ( delroy lindo ) , to earth to hook up celine and robert--or lose their angel status . this conceit might have worked if the angel dimension played an integral role in the entire picture . but it could have easily been cut without any clear loss to the film ; as it stands , it is simply a waste of time that distracts from the romance at hand . not that there is much of a romance to begin with . try as diaz and mcgregor may , celine and robert are too one-note to become very endearing characters . celine is rich bitch ; robert is a dullard . as such , it is quite hard for the audience to really connect with these two--then again , they never seem to really connect with each other . when celine and robert start to overtly act on their " feelings , " it comes off more like something scripted than anything natural . but i am not exactly sure if boyle and company's point was romance ; honestly , i am not exactly sure what they were trying to accomplish . boyle juices up the visuals with his characteristic razzmatazz , but it remains just that--energy , not energy in service of a story or even acting . the cast seems lost , especially hunter , whose performance is so adrift as to be baffling . and then there are the many eccentricities splattered onto the film : some violent confrontations involving the angels , who are not exactly angelic--in fact , they end up staging their own ransom scheme ; some mystical hokum in the climax ; and a cutesy claymation epilogue . watching much of a life less ordinary is like being trapped in indie hipster hell , stockpiling quirks in the name of cool . instead , the film just gives quirky a bad name . my best guess as to what the filmmakers wanted to accomplish is an atmosphere of warped womantic ( yes , misspelling intended ) whimsy , which comes through in only one scene : an extended musical number where celine and robert sing " beyond the sea " at a karaoke bar . after a verse or two , the couple are magically dolled up in snazzy outfits and hairdos , and engage in a spirited dance routine on the counter . the scene works not only because of its relative simplicity but also because it does not try too hard , just relying on the innate charm of the leads , allowing them to build a romantic rapport . alas , not nearly enough is built , for this moment comes to an abrupt end . i applaud any attempt to bring something fresh and unique to movie houses , but sometimes even cleverness can reach overkill . a life less ordinary certainly delivers something " different , " but by the time the film was over , i was clamoring for a life more ordinary . " i can accept failure . everyone fails at something . but i can't accept not trying . it doesn't matter if you win as long as you give everything in your heart . " --michael jordan
102	neg	i was recently told that in china their had been strong protests against the release of red corner  and this is apparently because of the way it shows the injustice of many chinese laws . but if you ask me , the real truth of the matter is that the chinese critics association were determined not to punish the population into viewing richard gere running across rooftops in search for a fellow american . or more the point , anyone that allows him to bask in his own less-than-subtle presence . this is not an insult to gere , as i consider him to be a rather talented actor  but more the choice of character and responsibility of his role . if a film is solely about one person , the main actor must give a faultless performance in order for it to really work . although geres performance is in no way poorly acted , it is far from perfect  and i look forward to seeing him star with other talented actors that can reduce the need for him to carry a film by himself . this is where he truly belongs , and if you are reluctant to believe me than look no further that primal fear ( with the sensational edward norton ) , the jackal ( with bruce willis ) and pretty woman ( with the delightful julia roberts ) . in red corner gere plays classy lawyer jack moore , who is guilty of the same personality traits as his character martin vail in primal fear  bold and up front , who thinks he is three steps ahead of everybody else but is actually two steps behind . it is with invulnerability of both mental and physical kind that the character of moore is portrayed , which left me barracking for the chinese to haul his sorry ass into jail . it doesnt take long from the films beginning for jack moores charm to work on a pretty chinese lady , and in no time they are in bed together in a hotel room  drunk and cheerful . yet instead of a hangover , poor jack finds himself covered in blood and the chinese chick dead on a couch . he is arrested and hauled into a chinese prison . his cell , food and rights  all terrible . now trapped in a foreign land without adequate aid from the american embassy , lawyer shen yuelin ( bai ling ) defends his case by initially pleading guilty to the charge of murder . jack and shen argue about their countries different laws ; shen stating that they will shoot you in the back and charge the cost of the bullet to your family .  as the plot thickens , scenes get progressively more ridiculous  ranging from richard gere running over rooftops in search of the us embassy to a scooby doo ending where the least expected but-you-knew-along criminal is discovered . red corner is one of those films where you sneer , laugh or vomit youre way through all of its minutes . what should have been a politically taunt thriller is little more than a pointless expedition to see how stressed out richard gere can act . this is not to say that the film does not have its moments  there are some tense court room scenes that are shrewdly created  telling the tale of foreign injustice and government corruption . but what they amount to spoils the effect of having them in the first place  perhaps this is why red corner is so frustrating to watch . if you look at the films overall concept fairly broadly , the basic idea is quite tangible . it is upon the films execution where the diminutive plot twists and developments fail to impress or innovate - the evidence that goes missing , the high powered officials shielding the truth and intolerable love angles have all been done so many times before . if that wasnt bad enough , red corners dialogue is purely laughable on many occasions . shen yuelin attempts to gain sympathy by reciting renaissance of a destitute relationship with her deceased father , whilst jack moore is eager to talk about chinese musical instruments when he could have been working on a plan to free himself . taking itself far too seriously , red corner is not half the film it intends to be . although it would have benefited from the help of a more valuable supporting cast , the films main fault is in the bizarre ( and often out of place ) way of unfolding a story which isnt that meritorious anyway . whilst richard gere still proves that has what it takes to be known as a decent actor , i would think twice before going to see him attempt to manage such a serious yet hollow drama again . martin vailwhere are you ?
103	neg	if you're the kind of person who goes to see movies just because you long for some of that overpriced theatre popcorn ( butter optional ) , then this is the movie for you ! indeed , this has got to be either one of the most unimaginative rip-offs of other recent action movies , or an incredibly unfunny spoof of them . it's difficult to fathom such insipidness unless you actually watch this film . but at least we're warned very quickly that we may regret our ticket purchase , giving us an opportunity to sneak on out and into the adjacent show . what are the four ingredients of a really bad action movie ? first , the movie gives us an introductory premise . huge caverns exist deep beneath the ocean floor , and in this area , many ships have disappeared . oooh . . . scary ! secondly , a cheesy soundtrack tries to connote a tone of mystery , but only succeeds in drowning our ears with an abrasive musical score . third , the main character is a mercenary that delivers goods without asking about the contents of his cargo ( treat williams ) . he operates a sophisticated military-style pt boat and every word that comes out of his mouth is awash in comical flippancy . finally , in the cargo hold , we see those that hired him . they are also mercenaries that have tough-looking haircuts , talk with accents , and try to show how macho they are . during their trip across the stormy sea , their boat suffers an incident and requires repairs . spotting a cruise ship in the distance , they make their way to the ocean liner and devise a plan to raid the machine shop , take the parts that they need , and then continue on their merry way . little do they know that this cruise ship has become infested by some kind of ocean monster . yet , they board the ship armed to the hilt with grenades and machine guns that can kill dozens in a matter of seconds . this is nothing more than a by-the-book action film . their realization of the situation that they're in doesn't happen until they are in the bowels of the boat . those who are dumb enough to stray off on their own will ultimately get killed . the corridors on the ship are narrow , misty , and provide the kind of atmosphere that all scare-fests must have . yet , despite the predictable nature of this film , there are some scary " boo " moments . but most of it is just outright silly . and this film is unusually gory too . monsters basically suck off the flesh and spit out skeletal remains . there is one particularly neat scene where a monster has been cut apart and reveals a victim that is still alive . he screams horribly as the monster's digestive juices continue to slowly eat him away . additionally , it borrows heavily from speed2 , alien and a bunch of other recent films . the mercenaries even run into a lone , surviving passenger ( femke jannsen ) who looks amazingly like sandra bullock . to be honest , when i left the theatre , i just had to laugh at how witless the film was . it's moronic fun at best . so , if you're hankering for a large bucket of popcorn served with a side of silliness , then this might just hit the spot .
104	pos	while alex browning ( devon sawa ) waits at jfk to leave for a school trip to paris , bad omens seem to surround him . as soon as he buckles into the plane , he has a vision of the plane exploding seconds after take-off . when the vision begins to come true , alex bolts for the door , dragging several students and a teacher in his wake . the plane takes off without them and explodes just as alex predicted . he becomes an object of fear and suspicion among the community , and the tension only increases as the survivors begin to die . alex and another survivor , clear rivers ( ali larter ) , investigate the suspicious " suicide " of a friend , and a mortician ( tony " candyman " todd ) clues them in to the truth : alex interrupted death's design by saving people who should have died in the explosion , and death will want to claim its rightful victims . in order to save himself and the others , alex will have to figure out death's new plan and thwart it . of the countless horror films that have competed for a piece of the " scream " audience , " final destination " is the best so far . talented young screenwriter jeffrey reddick offers a fresh variation on a familiar formula . we've seen hundreds of movies where a group of teenagers are murdered one-by-one by a faceless slasher , but reddick cuts out the hockey-masked middle-man and makes the villain death itself . first-time feature director james wong made the most of that premise . every scene is permeated with creepiness and foreboding , reminding us that death is everywhere , can come at anytime . everyday objects and events vibrate with menace . the most amusing harbinger of doom : john denver's " rocky mountain high , " which is played several times in the movie before someone dies . ( the link is that denver died in a plane crash , and the song includes a line about fire in the sky . ) the performances are stronger than those usually elicited by teen horror . devon sawa , who previously starred in another horror flick , " idle hands , " gives a frantic and convincing lead performance . kerr smith is carter hogan , an antagonist of alex's whose quick temper causes him to pulled off the fatal plane . smith plays carter as filled with anger and confusion that constantly threatens to bubble over into violence . seann william scott , who's also in theaters right now in " road trip , " plays the somewhat dim billy hitchcock and provides a needed counterpoint to the intensity of alex and carter . tony todd's one-scene cameo is delicious but all too brief . bottom line : watchable teen fright flicks are few and far between , but this destination is worth visiting .
105	neg	birthdays often cause individuals to access their lives . are we doing what we want to be doing ? what happened to our dreams ? with the new millennium , our collective big birthday , just around the corner , some people are sensing a certain dissatisfaction with their existence . the old standbys of traditional religion and science aren't doing it for many anymore and they're looking for something else . we'll be seeing more and more films with a metaphysical theme over the next few years . ricky hayman ( jeff goldblum ) is having a career crisis . the programming director for the good buy home shopping network , he's going to be fired unless sales increase dramatically . new producer kate newell ( kelly preston ) is supposed to whip things into shape . when the two are fixing a flat , they almost run down new age pilgrim " g " ( murphy ) . g wanders onto the television set and connects with the viewers by telling them that they don't really want all that commercial crap . in some unexplained manner , this causes sales to sour . ricky is saved . the movie tries to be too much at once and fails at it all . it's not an over-the-top comedy or a heart-warming message of humanity . it _is_ a mish-mosh of poorly directed scenes made even worse by insipid dialog . i am willing to put up with preaching from a film , but the messages here are old hat . you should take time to smell the roses . selling your soul for cash is a bad idea . golly . i'm glad i saw the movie . i never would have thought of these . the opportunity to poke fun at the goofy products is mostly missed . when g takes a chainsaw to the set , there's an obvious chance for murphy to be hilarious . it doesn't happen . the bits are so subdued and overly-long that there's only a hint of laughter from the audience . murphy has changed his roles in recent years and not for the better . there are hints of promise in this one . the only time the film picks up even a little is when his shaved-headed character in the long flowing white caftan shows up on screen . the others are horrendous . goldblum has episodes of brilliance in his career , but here he seems to have been replaced with a lifeless pod from his " invasion of the body snatchers " . his relationship with kate makes no sense . they move from antagonism to love somewhere off screen . preston is as uninteresting as she could possibly be . somewhere hidden deep inside of this film is about ten minutes of value . an attempt to satirize stupid television , we get a self-parody instead .
106	neg	i had been looking forward to this film since i heard about it early last year , when matthew perry had just signed on . i'm big fan of perry's subtle sense of humor , and in addition , i think chris farley's on-edge , extreme acting was a riot . so naturally , when the trailer for " almost heroes " hit theaters , i almost jumped up and down . a soda in hand , the lights dimming , i was ready to be blown away by farley's final starring role and what was supposed to be matthew perry's big breakthrough . i was ready to be just amazed ; for this to be among farley's best , in spite of david spade's absence . i was ready to be laughing my head off the minute the credits ran . sadly , none of this came to pass . the humor is spotty at best , with good moments and laughable one-liners few and far between . perry and farley have no chemistry ; the role that perry was cast in seems obviously written for spade , for it's his type of humor , and not at all what perry is associated with . and the movie tries to be smart , a subject best left alone when it's a farley flick . the movie is a major dissapointment , with only a few scenes worth a first look , let alone a second . perry delivers not one humorous line the whole movie , and not surprisingly ; the only reason the movie made the top ten grossing list opening week was because it was advertised with farley . and farley's classic humor is widespread , too . almost heroes almost works , but misses the wagon-train by quite a longshot . guys , let's leave the exploring to lewis and clark , huh ? stick to " tommy boy " , and we'll all be " friends " .
107	pos	hollywood has a . 750 batting average with elmore leonard adaptations . last year's touch was ill-conceived and just plain odd but get shorty , jackie brown and now out of sight all were highly entertaining movies . steven soderburgh , master of sex , lies and videotape , now adds crime to his repertoire in this tale of bank robbery , prison , double-crossing , uncut diamonds and , oh yeah , true love . george clooney is the protagonist , a risky choice after such duds as batman and robin and the peacemaker , but for once i didn't want to slap the taste out of his mouth . he plays his role in out of sight as the suave cary grant-type perfected in hitchcock movies , the kind of guy to whom crime is just a profession like any other . nowhere present is clooney's usual ain't-i-sexy sneer -- there's just enough leftover lightheartedness to fit in with the leonard style . clooney is definitely a perfect successor to john travolta in get shorty . clooney plays a man who's robbed about 200 banks without ever using a gun . in the opening scene , he walks into one bank and robs it not only with ease but with charm . of course , he gets caught , so it's not all good . it's while doing time in a florida prison that clooney learns of one rich inmate's ( albert brooks in a frightful bald wig ) collection of diamonds in detroit . clooney and cohort ving rhames plan the score , while protection artist and fight promoter don cheadle begins rival plans . meanwhile , there's jennifer lopez . unintentionally funny in selena and intentionally funny in anaconda , she's finally graduated to a worthy role as the u . s . marshal who happens to be driving up to the jail on the night clooney escapes . rhames is waiting to give him a ride in a stolen car , and lopez makes it a threesome , her hostage ass locked in a trunk with clooney . he's covered in dirt and has a gun to her neck , and it's a little cramped in there , but they manage to make a love connection anyway , probably because it's a movie . the relationship between clooney and lopez is at the heart of the movie , and one of the details that elevates it beyond your normal noir-ish crime story . the leonard movies are more obsessed with dialogue than crime , and this is no exception . although they're not really germane to the plot , lopez's relationship with her father ( dennis farina of get shorty ) , rhames' relationship with his christian sister ( you could call her sister christian ) and a pop-in cameo by michael keaton all lend extra class to a movie already full of it . out of sight spans at least three years but has a non-linear structure , focusing on the jailbreak / brooks score and flashing back to earlier times . this is a movie with a brain , as smooth and calculated as the clooney and lopez characters themselves . the entire cast does the material justice -- clooney and lopez coming into their own , and rhames and cheadle cementing their positions as two of my favorites . here's hoping future leonard adaptations continue to carry the torch . serving america for almost 1/20th of a century !
108	neg	for a movie with such deep religious and spiritual undertones , it is surprising to find the messenger : the story of joan of arc such an ungodly mess . in the early to mid 1400's , there was little in the way of spiritual light to be found shining from the heart of a man or woman . the church was a dismally dark and oppressive place . france was involved in " the hundred years war " against england . there was no strong political leadership in the country . morale was low , there being little hope for the future . it was within this setting that a young french girl began hearing " voices " and seeing " visions . " convinced that these were messages from god , she brazenly demanded to see the dauphin in order to deliver the message directly to him . the message : if he would give her an army to command , she would deliver to him the crown . he does . . . and she does . then , once seated on the throne , he abandons her to her english captors . director luc besson ( the fifth element ) may have co-wrote the script but he never appeared to have a proper handle on the material . the inconsistencies of the cast , the confusing blur of the violent battle scenes , the inappropriate musical score , and the lack of a vibrant life force at the center of the film adds up to a largely disappointing end product which is oftentimes unintentionally laughable . his biggest miscue was to cast his wife , milla jovovich ( the fifth element ) in the title role . ms . jovovich , looks spectacular as joan , clad in battle armor , astride a similarly protected horse . if looks were enough to fully convey a character , she would have been brilliant . since it isn't , she tried ( and failed ) to act the part . her joan is unbalanced , " inspiring " the troops merely by screaming stridently and waving her banner or sword over her head like a woman possessed . john malkovich ( being john malkovich ) fares a bit better as the dauphin , who joan would see on the throne as charles vii . an easily manipulated man , his weakness of character foreshadows the betrayal of joan which would lead to her death . faye dunaway ( the thomas crown affair ) gives a strong performance in minimal screen time as the dauphin's mother-in-law and chief advisor . the army under joan's command are comprised of comical figures , more stooges than soldiers . the one exception would be tcheky karyo ( la femme nikita ) as dunois , the man who was leading the attack prior to joan's arrival . trying to plan a systematic campaign , he sees his leadership authority negated by joan's insistence on following her " visions . " dustin hoffman ( sphere ) has a small inhuman role as joan's conscience which begins speaking to her while awaiting trial . dressed like cloaked monk , he leads her to doubt herself and her " revelations . " as well she should . scriptures do speak of revelation . god , via his gift of holy spirit , is able to communicate to men . three of the nine manifestations of holy spirit listed in 1 corinthians 12 deal with receiving revelation . they are : word of knowledge , word of wisdom , and discerning of spirits . even the scriptures themselves are a result of god giving revelation to his " holy men . . . who spake as they were moved by holy spirit ( i . e . by revelation . ) " but the scriptures also caution us : " beloved , believe not every spirit , but try the spirits whether they are of god : because many false prophets are gone out into the world . " 1 john 4 : 1 [kjv] joan's end , ( being burned at the stake at the age of 19 ) , the frenzy ( mob rule ) and blood lust her inspiration wrought , and the death , pain , or suffering which followed her campaign all point to a devilish influence rather than a godly one . while her conviction and intense believing remains an admirable quality , she was , as others have been before and since , misled by the spiritual master of deception . as a messenger , she was quite effective . she was just confused as to whose message she was carrying .
109	neg	vikings v . bears ? no , this isn't the lineup for monday night football . rather , these are the two opposing forces that will battle to the death in " the 13th warrior , " a film that is as dramatically flat as it is gratuitously gory . based on michael crichton's book , eaters of the dead , this viking saga tries to evoke the mysticism of fabled norsemen and the glorious battles that they fought . their strength and honor would eventually etch their place in history among the greatest warriors that ever picked up a sword . luckily for the vikings , however , their warring abilities were not as clumsy as this film . antonio bandaras is ahmed , a travelling ambassador . accompanied by his friend ( omar shariff in a cameo ) , they eventually come across a small viking village . we see that the vikings are an extremely proud group whose greatest strength is their fortitude . they laugh heartily , revel in their arrogance , and sing songs of battles won . but their festivities are about to be halted when a messenger boy arrives to tell the village leader that a great evil is threatening their land . help is needed quickly . an elderly , fortune-telling witch arrives . after a brief incantation , she proclaims that 12 warriors and one more " not of norse blood " are needed to ensure victory . personally , i always wonder why people believe these oracles when they look so haggardly and on the brink of insanity . nonetheless , 12 men eagerly accept their place while ahmed becomes the pivotal 13th . the group then sets out to do the greatest battle of their lives . of course during their ride , ahmed becomes the target of fun for the other 12 burly viking warriors . but he ably shows that it's not the size of the dog in the fight but rather the size of the fight in the dog . he is able to overcome the proud arrogance of the vikings , but will his skills ( and that of the group ) be enough to defeat whatever evil is menacing the countryside ? it does not look promising . these creatures , resembling bears , are strong and have high morale . they are fearless and display a desire for decapitating the heads of their enemies . they attack by the hundreds and the next strike will come soon . the warriors prepare their defenses and pray to their gods . they are ready to sacrifice their lives . " this is a good way to die , " says one of the fallen warriors . despite the larger-than-life battle sequences , i was unmoved by the entire experience . at many points , i was even confused . for example , somewhere in the middle of the film , a sub-plot creeps up involving the prince of the threatened land . he seems to have an agenda to elevate himself to greater power during this crisis . however , the sub-plot never fully materializes , and we are left scratching our heads as to the purpose of its inclusion . there are other questions that i had , but the real problem was that the story ( little of it that there was ) offered no characters to love or hate . the leader of the viking warriors had the most charisma . however , banderas's role is completely underwritten and it is unclear why being the 13th warrior makes him so special . an entire rewrite of the ahmed character is in order . also , much of the action takes place during torrential downpours or at night , which made battles very difficult to follow . i would have preferred more time looking at the viking culture and how their beliefs shaped their decision to do battle against the enemy . as it stands , the film manages more confusion than intensity . it would make thor cry .
110	neg	sandra bullock in high heels and wielding a chainsaw ? yup , it's gotta be summer . just when you thought the pointless sequel had gone the way of franchise films and direct-to-video releases , into port slams speed 2 : cruise control , the gloriously godawful follow-up to the 1994 sleeper about a bus rigged to explode if it slowed below a certain speed . the gimmick , this time , is an ocean liner rigged to , well , crash into stuff . sound exciting ? dennis hopper's disgruntled bomb squader , the villain of the first film , has given way to willem dafoe's disgruntled computer programmer , a maniac whose main beef has something to do with having to use live leeches , i kid you not , as a self-treatment for copper poison- ing . ( and said poisoning induced by prolonged exposure to electro- magnetic fields , no less ! calling dean edell . . . ) so , he overrides the boat's computer , convinces the crew to abandon ship , and sends the remaining passengers , those who couldn't evacuate in time , on a col- lision course with destiny . ( oddly , no one thinks to just . . . jump off the back of the boat . ) with keanu reeves electing not to return-- perhaps he read the script ? -- the job of john mcclane goes to jason patric ( sleepers ) , as the * second * la cop and swat team member that that bus drivin' babe annie ( bullock ) has dated . ( what are the odds ? ) they're on this caribbean cruise for pleasure , as are a handful of requisite stock characters , including a deaf teenager ( ! ) who has a crush on the hero ( ! ! ) who also knows how to sign ( ! ! ! ) . ( and you thought the raptor slam was a cool summer movie move ? wait till you see the feats that * this * little girl can do , when stuck on a shipboard elevator ! ) bullock is her pesky , perky self , though she ends up with far less screen time than her top billing suggests . ( those paying attention to her bikini- and tank- tops probably won't complain , however ) patric is the main man in motion and that's damn good , 'cause when he stops to talk , he's only slightly less monotone than his predecessor . ( his first lol line is to ms . bullock : " i'd like to boogie with you . " ) of course , nobody in front of the camera embarrasses themselves quite the way that returning director jan de bont does . he also produced this mess , which is insulting even by the most lax summer standards . ( con air , buddy , father's day , romy and michelle's high school reunion , murder at 1600 , 8 heads in a duffle bag , anaconda , vegas vacation , meet wally sparks , metro , bevery hills ninja , the relic , all is forgiven ) . worse , he's spent a hundred mil on a premise that doesn't even live up to its title ! there's no sweat-inducing motion of the ocean here-- just two hours of shaky handheld camera work and a handful of cross-cut exteriors , all leading up to the big slam , when the love boat sideswipes an oil tanker and then plows into a harbor town . ( oh , how far we've come in twenty years . remember the simple fun of seeing a locomotive smash into railway station in the silver streak ? ) admittedly , either of the aforementioned sequences is worth the price of admission . it's just the rest of the movie-- the other hundred or so minutes-- that's pure nonsense . and wonderful nonsense at that . i know he didn't intend to , but de bont has done one thing right : he's created the hands-down funniest film of the year . so , now , allow to present a few more things that made me laugh : o a box with a big label : " fiber optic converter " o plain english , whole-sentence computer instructions o an entire sequence devoted to opening a fire door o jason patric's character walks onto the bridge and immediately understands everything that's happening o a ships' navigator who speaks in a scottish accent and actually gets to say " i canna override it ! " o willem dafoe's amazing arm-mounted keyboard o two living , breathing adults ( bullock's character and the first mate ) who have to be told , step by step , how to disconnect a trip wire from the pin of a hand grenade . duh o " no wait ! " screams the ship's intercom o yet another damn dog in peril o fishing reel . pontoon plane . memories of weekend at bernie's
111	pos	today , war became a reality to me after seeing a screening of saving priivate ryan . steve spielberg goes beyond reality with his latest production . the audience is tossed about the theatre witnessing the horror of war . please keep the kids home as the r rating is for reality . tom hanks is stunning as capt john miller , set out in france during ww ii to rescue and return home a soldier , private ryan ( matt damon ) who lost three brothers in the war . spielberg at time takes us inside the heads of these individuals as they face death during the horrific battle scenes . private ryan is not for everyone , but i felt the time was right for a movie like this to be made . the movie reminds us of the sacrifices made by our ww ii fighting men and women . we must not ever forget them as many gave the ultimate sacrifice , their lives so that we may live in freedom today . for this i thank them and for steve spielberg for making a movie that i will never forget . the academy will not forget tom hanks come april 1999 , as another well deserved oscar with be in tom's posession .
112	neg	and i thought " stigmata " would be the worst religiously-oriented thriller released this year . turns out i was wrong , because while " stigmata " was merely boring and self-important , " end of days " is completely inept on all fronts . it's a silly , incomprehensible , endlessly stupid mess . for a guy like me who grew up watching arnold schwarzenegger at his best , it's extremely disconcerting to see where the big man has ended up . for the first time in recent memory , an arnold action movie ( and " batman & robin " doesn't count ) is no fun at all . " end of days " is a major stinker . the movie opens in vatican city , 1979 . some catholic priests have observed an ancient prophecy , which says that a girl will be born on that night that satan will have targeted for impregnation . if he impregnates her between 11 and midnight on december 31 , 1999 , the world will be destroyed . the pope orders protection of this girl , though some priests believe she ought to be killed . in new york , that very night , a girl is born to fulfill the prophecy . twenty years later , we meet jericho cane ( schwarzenegger ) , a suicidal ex-cop with a drinking problem . now working as a security guard for hire , he is protecting a local businessman ( gabriel byrne ) , who is actually possessed by the devil . an assassination attempt on the businessman by a crazed former priest leads him to the girl satan is after , christine york ( robin tunney ) . recognizing elements of his own murdered daughter in christine ( including ownership of the same music box , apparently ) , jericho swears to protect her against the devil and the faction of priests looking to kill her . there are so many problems with this film it's hard to know where to begin , but how about starting with the concept ? casting arnold in a role like this was a mistake to begin with . schwarzenegger is a persona , not an actor , so putting him in a role that contradicts his usual strong personality is a bad idea . arnold has neither the dramatic range nor the speaking ability to pull off a character tormented by conflicting emotions . in other words , trying to give him dimension was a mistake . harrison ford , mel gibson , or even bruce willis could have played this role ( they've all played noble and flawed heroes ) , but not schwarzenegger . there are several scenes that attempt to establish jericho's character ; one has him contemplating suicide , another crying over the loss of his wife and daughter , and even one in which the devil tries to tempt him into revealing christine's location by offering him his old life back . none of these scenes really work , because arnie isn't up to the task . the filmmakers would have been better off making jericho a strong , confident character ( like the terminator , for example ) , the likes of which schwarzenegger has excelled in before . this one isn't at all believable the way arnold plays him . the supporting cast tries their hardest , and only gabriel byrne makes any impact at all . as the prince of darkness , he's suave and confident . he acts like one would expect the devil to act . the problem is that the script has him doing things that make no sense ( more on that later ) and that undermines him as a powerful villain . byrne out-performs arnold in every scene they have together ( including the aforementioned temptation bit ) , but this is problematic when it causes the audience to start doing the unthinkable : root for the devil . byrne's speech about the bible being " overrated " actually starts to make sense , mainly because arnold's attempts at refuting it ( mostly of the " 'tis not ! " variety ) are feeble at best . the only problem is , arnold has to win , so in the end , nobody really cares . kevin pollack plays jericho's security guard sidekick and tries to liven things up with some comic asides , but like most bad action movie sidekicks , he disappears after about an hour . robin tunney isn't given much to do except look scared . in fact , all of the supporting players are good actors , but none , save for byrne , is given anything interesting to do . performances aside , it would be really hard to enjoy this film no matter who starred in it . this being an action blockbuster , it's no surprise that the worst thing about it is the script , which starts off totally confusing , and when some of it is explained ( and not much of it is ) , it's utterly ridiculous . why is the devil coming on new year's eve , 1999 ? because it's exactly 1000 years after the year of the devil , which isn't 666 , it turns out . some nutty priest accidentally read it upside down , so the real year is 999 , so just add a 1 to the beginning , and you've got 1999 ! if you don't buy this explanation , you're not alone . it's convoluted and silly at the same time . the method by which jericho locates christine york is equally ludicrous ( she's christine , see , and she lives in new york , see . . . ) , and if that weren't bad enough , there's plenty of bothersome stuff in this film that isn't explained at all . why can satan kill everyone he passes on the street , but when it comes to snuffing out one drunk ex-cop , he's powerless ? is he impervious to only one kind of bullet ? how come he can't control jericho or christine ? and how did those gregorian monks deal with time zones in their prophecies ? a clumsy attempt at a joke is made about this , but it's never actually explained . usually , this sort of thing wouldn't matter in a schwarzenegger flick ( i mean , don't get me started on the time paradoxes offered up by the terminator movies ) , but this time the plot inconsistencies stand out even more than usual because the action is rarely exciting . there are several predictable horror film clich ? s present in " end of days , " complete with the old " black cat hiding in a cabinet " bit , not that we ever find out what the cat was doing in there . it gets so formulaic that it's possible for those uninterested in being scared to close their eyes at the precise moment a " boo " will come . their predictions will rarely be wrong . the more grandiose action sequences are utterly charmless , partially because we don't care about these characters ( due to the script's pathetic attempts at characterization and setup ) , and also because they , too , don't make any sense . there's a scene where schwarzenegger gets thrown around a room by a little old lady . it's good for a few chuckles , but not much else . supposedly we're to believe she now has super strength by virtue of being controlled by satan , but the script never sets that up , so the scene is merely silly . none of this is terribly exciting , because all the action sequences are so badly framed that it's often hard to tell why it's happening in the first place , not to mention that they're edited in full-on incomprehensible mtv quick-cut style . most of them had me scratching my head , rather than saying , " wow , cool ! " " end of days " is not only silly and confusing , but it's also distinctly unpleasant to watch . the devil apparently doesn't operate in the more subtle , i'll-convince-people-to-kill-each-other fashion outlined in the bible , but instead enjoys killing people gruesomely in broad daylight . this doesn't only make him an awfully predictable sort , but it also means that not a single scene in " end of days " goes by without unnecessarily graphic violence , or the odd kinky sexual encounter ( yet another bit that had me scratching my head ) . if violence is supposed to be shocking , it's not a good idea to throw so much of it into a movie that the audience goes numb . scenes aren't connected through any reasonable means , so a lot of the time , stuff gets blown up , or people get killed , and i had no idea why . reasons ? to hell with reasons ! let's just blow stuff up ! isn't it cool ? nope , not by a long shot . this film is thoroughly unwatchable . it's dull , interminable , and unrelenting in its stupidity . perhaps arnold needs to make some movies with james cameron to revive his career , because it's not happening with hack peter hyams here . " end of days " might have had camp value , if only it didn't top itself off with an overly pious ending that nobody's going to buy . if the movie is going to be serious , the filmmakers should have come up with a decent script . if it's going to be campy , arnold shouldn't be taking himself so damn seriously ( i didn't actually see him put up on a cross , did i ? ) , and his character shouldn't be such a sad sack . as it stands , " end of days " is just a bad movie , and an awfully gloomy one at that .
113	neg	america's favorite homicidal plaything takes a wicked wife in " bride of chucky , " and their unholy matrimony is something old , nothing new . the burning question on the minds of most moviegoers , however , has nothing to do with nuptial specifics or even how the movie stacks up , but rather whether or not the duo gets down and dirty on their blood-soaked honeymoon . the answer is a sick-and-twisted yes - and viewers are treated to a shadowy glimpse of some hot-enough-to-melt-rubber ( or at least singe it ) lovin' . guess they're anatomically correct . chucky ( again voiced by brad dourif ) , of course , is the star of the " child's play " series , a my buddy-type doll possessed by the spirit of a slain serial killer . in " bride , " the plot ( heh ) picks up with his girlfriend tiffany ( jennifer tilly ) resurrecting chucky's remains ( he was blown up at the end of " child's play 3 " ) with the help of a black arts manual called " voodoo for dummies . " silly mortal . before long , she's also been reduced to shin-high figurine status , and the plastic incarnations of these one-time lunatic lovebirds hit the road to scope out some potential new human bodies . the rest of this rocky horror puppet show plays out as tiff and the chuckster stalk a young couple ( nick stabile and katherine heigl ) with conjugal plans of their own , leading them towards a new jersey grave where a magical , soul-transferring amulet allegedly lies in wait . along the way , our murderous barbie and ken go through post-marriage motions similar to any given pair of newlyweds - bicker , argue , kiss and make up . but when they squabble over who's going to do the dishes , watch out . hey , even faux people have got to work through their problems . director ronny yu keeps the mayhem flashy and stages an inventive scene or two , but not even visual flair can make up for the fact that these creepy kewpies are neither scary nor menacing . when one of them charges , it's nothing a good forward punt couldn't take care of . and when a climactic chase scene is needed , one of the dim-bulb protagonists must _pick_chucky_up_ so the demonic toy can force his hostage to run at gunpoint . throw in some silly casualties and a ridiculous ending ( will " son of chucky " be next ? ) and this is a bizarrely bad 89-minutes at the movies . as is the thing to do in post- " scream " slasher cinema , don mancini's screenplay slathers on the in-jokes and genre-parody . but little of the humor succeeds , proving self-reference can be completely worthless when it lacks bite . to be fair , though , most of " bride of chucky " is on auto-pilot , so it's not quite right to single out one misfired aspect of the film . similarly shaky , the acting ranges from screeching camp to boring bland , the effects aren't that special and the story is one big groaner . here's hoping chucky and his entire clan - past , present and future - rest in peace .
114	pos	i want to correct what i wrote last year in my retrospective of david lean's war picture . i still think that " the bridge on the river kwai " doesn't deserve being the number 13 in the american film institute's list of the 100 greatest american movies . and i think that " 12 angry men " , " witness for the prosecution " and " paths of glory " would have been better choices for the oscar for the best picture of 1957 . but i can't deny the importance of " the bridge on the river kwai " - cinematically and in its contents . the film is set in burma in 1943 . a batallion of british soldiers in japanese war captivity is forced by the japanese to build a strategically momentous railway bridge over the river kwai . but the british commanding officer , colonel nicholson ( alec guinness ) , insists - corresponding to the geneva conventions - that his officers needn't work as simple workmen . struggling toughly , col . nicholson forces the japanese commandant , col . saito ( sessue hayakawa ) , to give way in this respect . afterwards col . nicholson assiduously commits himself for the building of the bridge . he considers it an opportunity to raise his men's morale , and he wants to prove superior british capabilities to the japanese . but the british high command sends a few soldiers who shall destroy the bridge , among them the american shears ( william holden ) - an escapee from the japanese prison camp - and the british major warden ( jack hawkins ) . . . a flaw of the picture is the clich ? d characterization of the japanese people . they are presented as if they were intellectually inferior to the british - as if the japanese were incapable of building a bridge . and the film doesn't consistently question the military spirit as kubrick does in " paths of glory " . lean seems rather fascinated by the military hierarchies . this is also perceptible in the conversations between col . nicholson and col . saito . in this regard it is symptomatic that shears , who doubts the military logic , is presented as a somehow unpleasant person . the audience is supposed to applaud col . nicholson's perseverance concerning the question if his officers shall work on the bridge or not . the spectators are supposed to neglect the risks col . nicholson takes for his men . ( the plot by-passes these risks . ) that means , the picture isn't perfect . but it has a lot of virtues as well . " the bridge on the river kwai " shows the " madness " of war and what it can produce in people's minds . it shows how colonel nicholson becomes possessed by the idea of being a hero and that others ( like shears ) get cynics . and lean's film is an interesting study of characters with clashing interests . these points and the sometimes ironic dialogue make this film an anti-war film ( despite inconsistencies in the treatment of this theme ) . david lean's direction is really effective and atmospherically perfect . his film is highly suspenseful , especially in its dramatic ( if not wholly plausible ) showdown . the film is also well-photographed and has an apt score . alec guinness does a magnificent job of bringing col . nicholson to life and making him such an interesting character . the other actors deliver fine performances as well . i like this extraordinary film despite its weaknesses . ( c ) karl rackwitz ( klein k ? ris , germany , 1999 )
115	neg	steve martin is one of the funniest men alive . if you can take that as a true statement , then your disappointment at this film will equal mine . martin can be hilarious , creating some of the best laugh-out-loud experiences that have ever taken place in movie theaters . you won't find any of them here . the old television series that this is based on has its moments of humor and wit . bilko ( and the name isn't an accident ) is the head of an army motor pool group , but his passion is his schemes . every episode involves the sergeant and his men in one or another hair-brained plan to get rich quick while outwitting the officers of the base . " mchale's navy " 's granddaddy . that's the idea behind this movie too , but the difference is that , as far-fetched and usually goofy as the television series was , it was funny . there is not one laugh in the film . the re-make retains the goofiness , but not the entertainment . everything is just too clean . it was obviously made on a hollywood back lot and looks every bit like it . it all looks brand new , even the old beat-up stuff . martin is remarkably small in what should have been a bigger than life role . in the original , phil silvers played the huckster with a heart of gold and more than a touch of sleaziness . martin's bilko is a pale imitation . the only semi-bright spot is phil hartman as bilko's arch-enemy . it's not saying much , considering martin's lackluster character , but hartman leaves him in the dust .
116	neg	senseless is a prime example of what can happen when you try to push a one-joke concept a bit too far . director penelope spheeris is no stranger to this , having subjected audiences before to such tortures as the beverly hillbillies . marlon wayans stars as darryl witherspoon , a college senior vying for a lucrative job at a prominent brokerage . however , he lacks the advantages of his chief opposition , scott thorpe ( david spade , in the smarmy sort of role he can deliver in his sleep ) : an athletic record , sponsorship by a fraternity , and , most of all , a wealthy family to back him up . in fact , darryl has to work at four jobs simply to make ends meet . but there may be a light at the end of that tunnel . he signs up as a human guinea pig in a neurological experiment run by the university's dr . wheedon ( brad dourif ) . as a result , his senses are magnified tenfold . using his newfound abilities , he sets himself in complete pursuit of the job ( unaware that there may be some disadvantageous side-effects to having super senses ) . naturally , marlon wayans plays this comedy at full throttle , giving jim carrey-ish amounts of physical humor . the problem is , aside from a few genuinely inspired bits , there's not much that's funny here . the film has it's one central gag , and pads out the rest of its length with rather obvious lowbrow humor . there obviously wasn't much thought put into the plot . the entire job selection process is completely ridiculous . i mean , why the emphasis on extra-curricular activities if the entire job is going to come down to a single-elimination quiz anyhow ? and is this the only job being offered to economics majors this semester ? to give it credit , senseless does try to create a secondary joke with darryl's roommate , tim laflour ( matthew lillard ) . apparently , he is supposed to be faddish , but the film never does anything with him , leaving him in a piercing phase throughout the movie . his " intervention " scenes with darryl , however , do provide a rare , and welcome , laugh . and then there's the love interest which is always pathetically tacked onto comedies like this one . in this case , the object of darryl's amor is janice ( tamara taylor ) , a fellow student who won't have anything to do with darryl until he gains his super-senses . needless to say , the romance is completely extraneous , and adds little to the film . this is a film that desperately needed something else . be that a good plot , more jokes ( or simply funnier ones ) , or a strong character or two , anything would have helped senseless get off the ground . as it is , all the manic exuberant mugging in the world can't help marlon wayans get this one off the ground .
117	neg	here is a movie that sadly follows the hong kong-recipe of moviemaking and storytelling to the letter . these kinds of movies are marked by an eye-opening sequence that introduces us to the main characters ; a life-and-death plot in which these characters become involved ; the inclusion of a host of inconsequential characters ; ridiculous subplots , and sunglass-wearing henchmen . that is not to say that i don't like hong kong influenced movies ; however , it is quite obvious that these moviemakers haven't a clue that the american filmgoer needs more than hip-hop-talking thugs and stupid sight gags . observe the opening sequence . a band of hitmen are about to storm an apartment , led by melvin ( mark wahlberg ) and cisco ( lou diamond phillips ) . they are waiting for their partner to cut off the power so that they can storm the apartment with the help of infrared goggles . however , their partner is unsure of which cable to cut . he is undecided . this happens for about 10 seconds . the audience finds some humor in his foolishness . the lights suddenly go out . cisco is surprised and says : " whoa . . . let's go ! " and they storm the apartment in a very nicely executed sequence . the big hit of the title refers to a kidnapping that happens a quarter of the way through the film . needing cash , cisco devises a plan to kidnap the daughter ( china chow ) of wealthy japanese industrialist jiro nishi . however , the daughter is also the god-daughter of paris ( avery brooks ) , who is cisco's and melvin's boss . infuriated and insufferable , paris commands cisco to uncover the mastermind of the kidnapping . during his 'investigation' , cisco singles out melvin as the ringleader , and paris orders his capture and execution . melvin must now find a way to stay alive . by the way , do you know how the investigation takes place ? cisco's partner makes the ransom phone call believing that his call will not be traced because of a trace buster that prevents tracing . but , mr . nishi has a trace buster buster . to counter that , cisco's partner has a trace buster buster buster . but nishi has a trace buster buster buster buster . and so on . . . there is no doubt that this is an interesting world in which they live . and there are lots of issues that we'd like to know more about . how does melvin justify his profession to his fiancee ? what goes on among this clique ? why is cisco at odds with melvin ? there is actually a lot of potential material that could have been explored , but it seems that no effort is made to go in that direction , and instead we are given a not-so-engrossing plot filled with one-liners , silly sight gags , extraneous sub-plots and tomfoolery . and , i haven't even mentioned his financee's visiting parents who want them to separate , nor melvin's mistress , nor the pimple-faced video clerk demanding the return of an overdue video and on and on and on . if the big hit signals the future of hong kong style movies that are made for american audiences , then shoot me now .
118	pos	quentin tarantino seems to have a knack for giving his stars big careers . after his pulp fiction , many actors began receiving many offers for jobs . john travolta made his come-back and is now one of today's most bankable stars . bruce willis proved his acting chops and is now considered an actual actor . jackie brown , on the other hand , boasts quite a well known cast , except for the main lead : pam grier . most likely you have heard of her and seen her in films , but she's never really had a breakthrough performance ( her first film was in the roger ebert-written beyond the valley of the dolls ) . that is , until now . jackie brown is a highly anticipated feature film from quentin tarantino , whose last film was the huge hit pulp fiction . after mediocre acting jobs , tarantino returns to what made his name a household one : directing and writing . jackie brown is the result , and it is fantastic entertainment . despite excellent direction from tarantino , the cast steals the film , giving one good performance after another . pam grier gives a stunning performance as jackie brown , and she is supported by an incredible mix of talent--samuel l . jackson , bridget fonda , michael keaton , robert de niro , and robert forster . more than likely , you will see a few of these names in the oscar pool come oscar nominations . describing a quentin tarantino film is very difficult , as you really can't say much or you spoil it for everyone else . i will tread lightly . jackie brown opens with an impressive shot of jackie brown ( grier ) in a blue outfit walking through the airport . the camera tracks along with her , and ends up revealing her occupation . we are also introduced to ordell robbie ( jackson ) , who sells illegal guns to interested buyers . . . for a hefty price . ms . brown carries the money from buyer to ordell in order to keep the cops away . however , an fbi agent ( keaton ) and a local l . a . cop ( michael bowen ) are out to find ordell and catch him while taking the money . they try to reach him through beaumont livingston ( chris tucker ) , one of ordell's buyers , but he mysteriously ends up dead . they try again through brown , but she is hesitant to admit to any wrong-doing . but after unknowingly carrying some drugs for one of ordell's friends ( fonda ) , she is caught and sent to jail . ordell pays her bail through a bail bond agent , max cherry ( forster ) , and then wants to find out what she told the cops . after she claims to have said nothing , she reveals the fact that she will tell them about ordell in order to stay out of prison . ordell doesn't like this , but they both come up with a scheme to throw the feds and cops off their track . this scheme seems to be going as planned , but unexpected occurances may or may not foul up their goal . revealing more would spoil the fun of jackie brown , and that's the biggest reason to go see a tarantino film . tarantino seems to have a fascination with hitmen and unusual predicaments ( and slang terms ) , but they are always done very well and believably . his hitmen are normally cruel , but pleasant , in that nasty sort of way . they talk like normal people , except for when doing business , and they are rude to their girlfriends . of course , this is a tarantino film , and you know you can expect some awkward situations to arise . and perhaps the biggest flaw with jackie brown is the slow middle section in which the pace begins to drop . of course , tarantino fixes this by moving onto the climax of the film , adding a lot of his reservoir dogs-style storytelling to it . things are told from one person's perspective , and then from another , and then from another , each time learning more and more . this all leads up to a very interesting conclusion , which decides who is on whose side . on the technical side of jackie brown , quentin tarantino directs it with the same style as he did with his 1994 film . however , this time around it isn't as nearly as impressive or original . the writing , on the other hand , is quite good , although i do find tarantino's use of slang terms offensive . the story jumps back and forth in time as in pulp fiction , but it's much more easy to understand . his previous film needed a second viewing in order to understand the time differentiation , but jackie brown is very simply to follow , especially considering that the time is given during the " leaps " in time . perhaps this is a result of the screenplay being written from the novel " rum punch " by elmore leonard . the dialogue is pretty much intelligent , and all the characters are fully realized . the cinematography is very well done by guillermo navarro ( who has worked with tarantino on previous films ) and the editing is very good . and as with pulp fiction , the music is a highlight , bringing back memorable songs from the 70s and 80s . the acting side of jackie brown is unforgettable . the performances are incredibly rich , with hidden meaning behind every characters' actions . nothing is quite as it seems , and you can't really tell which side one person is on . the real treat , of course , is pam grier who gives an astonishing performance as jackie brown . her poor living conditions are superceded by her superior wits , which play an important role in the film . watching grieg , i could tell what was going through her mind , even if i didn't know what she was thinking . her face portrays a lot of emotion that you can tell when she is sad , happy , or in deep thought . bridget fonda gives a very good performance as a druggie couch potato . i didn't even realize it was fonda until i saw her name in the final credits ( her performance actually reminded me of heather graham's in boogie nights ) . michael keaton comes across very well , as does michael bowen . chris tucker has a small , but effective performance . samuel l . jackson is very good , but it seems to me that he was replaying his jules winnfield character from pulp fiction ( although much less cynical ) . but no matter . . . jackson is very strong in his role . robert de niro is actually a little annoying at times , but overall he does a good job as one of ordell's perspective clients and friends . robert forster gives one of the best performances in the film , as he has one of the most developed characters . he is present throughout most of the film , and he holds his own against jackson and grier . jackie brown is rated r for language , sex , violence , drug use , and some offensive remarks . as a film by itself , jackie brown is a terrific piece of entertainment , with a complex plot to draw viewers in . however , one can not help but compare it to tarantino's pulp fiction , and expect great results . when compared , it comes up short , but not that short . it's a worthy effort , with terrific acting and some impressive writing from elmore leonard and tarantino . perhaps the best thing about jackie brown is the discovery of pam grier as a major hollywood actress . i can't remember seeing her in anything ( except for a small role in mars attacks ! ) , but hopefully she will get many more roles from this one . expect to see her name floating around the oscar nominations ( and hopefully she will even be able to nab one ) .
119	pos	sometimes i find 19th century british costume dramas a little hard to relate to . it's not the time or the distance , it's the rules and conventions of a social class that deserves resentment rather than sympathy . yet somehow , the movies are all well made and i always get caught up in the story . the wings of the dove fits the pattern . kate ( helena bonham carter ) and merton ( linus roache ) are in love . merton , a newspaper writer , would like to marry kate . but kate's " job " , if you will , is to be a member of the british upper class . her father lost all of her family's money , but a wealthy aunt agreed to take care of her until she married a nice rich man . naturally , a newspaper writer's wages don't count as " rich . " kate leads him on , but she always ends up giving him the cold shoulder , ultimately because he's not marriageable . kate's american friend millie ( alison elliot ) stops in for a visit on her way to venice . at a party , millie catches a glimpse of merton and likes what she sees . kate realizes that if merton were introduced to millie , he might forget about her . it appears that she is trying to spare him from the heartbreak of their inevitable breakup . merton sees what kate is doing and resents her for it . he is still in love with kate , and will accept no substitute . the three of them , along with a fourth friend ( elizabeth mcgovern ) end up on holiday in venice together , where their interactions are quite complicated . let's sum up : millie has fallen for merton . merton has no feelings for millie because he is still in love with kate . kate loves him but can't marry him , so on the one hand she's trying to match him up with someone who will make him happy , but on the other hand she's jealous of them as a couple . a clear solution presents itself to kate when she realizes that millie is very sick - dying , in fact . at this point she decides that merton should marry millie until she dies . millie will leave her money to merton , who will then be rich enough to marry kate . she lets merton know of her schemes and , since it will help him win kate , he reluctantly agrees . kate leaves venice so that the two m's can be alone together . merton finds that pretending to love millie is a lot like actually loving her . he's not sure he can separate the two . kate finds that she's not so sure she really wants her merton falling in love with and marrying anyone else . the brilliant scheme proves to be painful to all involved . without revealing the details , suffice it to say that the situation ends badly . the title refers to the object of merton's vain hope that something might lift him from his predicament . one is left with feelings of regret and despair . what started as such a promising relationship was damaged by greed , anger , and jealousy . an interesting thought struck me after the movie was over , and that is that the wings of the dove almost fits the story line of a film noir . a couple conspires to cheat someone out of their money so they can live happily ever after . their involvement in the deception makes each less attractive to the other , and after a few things go wrong , the whole idea seems like an awful life-ruining mistake . i wouldn't call the wings of the dove a film noir , but the comparison is interesting . as i have acknowledged before , i am not a wonderful judge of acting , but i liked the performances from roache and elliot . roache successfully conveyed his character's ambivalence toward millie : near the end , he hugs her , at first staring into space , as if he's thinking about his plan with kate , then giving that up to fully embrace millie . millie's part didn't require as much range , but elliot gave her the necessary bubbly personality that made her irresistible . i will probably file away the wings of the dove in the same low-traffic corner of my mind as sense and sensibility and persuasion . their settings are far removed from my personal experience - geographically , historically , and socially . still , the movies are well made and the stories inevitably win me over .
120	pos	apparently , director tony kaye had a major battle with new line regarding his new film , american history x . i don't know the details of the fight , but it seems that he is not happy with the final product , and nearly removed his name from the credits altogether . i've heard about this kind of thing happening before , and it makes me wonder how much input a studio has over the films they produce . as it is , i found american history x to be an extremely good film , not just because of tony kaye's focused look at the touchy subject of racism , but because of a powerful , charismatic performance from edward norton . it's hard to believe that it has only been two years since norton's fantastic role in primal fear , but , here he is now , starring in his own film and making himself a star . norton is one of those performers who becomes his character , and his work in american history x is one of the very best performances this year . he plays a young man named derek vinyard , a skinhead living in venice beach with his brother , danny ( edward furlong ) , mother ( beverly d'angelo ) , and sister , davin ( jennifer lien ) . the film opens with a flashback , in which derek brutally kills two black men vandalizing his car . we find out that this lands him in prison , and the film from that point is seen through the eyes of danny . in the present-time of the film , danny is in high school , and eager to follow the footsteps of his brother . much of the film is told in flashback , and we see the path that leads to derek's adoption of white supremacy . when derek is released , having served three years in prison , he finds that his brother is now a full-blown skinhead ; derek , however , has given up the violence , and tries to get his brother to understand why racism and the violence that comes with it are bad things . what makes this all interesting is that these two young men are not stupid , thoughtless people -- they are intelligent and articulate , and voice their beliefs in disturbingly straightforward terms . it's hard to make a controversial movie and not preach , but kaye has found the right note for his material . because american history x is a mainstream film , there has to be a redemption phase for our main character -- some people may think that this is the only way to make him sympathetic . i partially disagree with this , because , although i do not advocate racism in any way , it's interesting the way kaye presents derek -- he is a loud , obnoxious man , but he's also very smart . the reasons for why he becomes a skinhead are believable -- his father was arbitrarily killed by a group of black men . it's clear that he's passionate about his beliefs , and that he's not just a punk looking for an excuse to beat people up . of course , it helps that kaye has an actor as talented as norton to play this part . it's astonishing how frightening norton looks with a shaved head and a swastika on his chest . in addition to getting the look just right , he's perfect for this role -- derek requires intelligence , depth , and a whole lot of shouting , and norton does it all with ease . even when he's at his meanest , derek has a likable quality to him , and that's a gutsy approach when telling a story about a skinhead . what adds depth to the story is a subplot in which the principal of danny's school ( avery brooks ) becomes obsessed with purging the hatred from danny . the other performances are all terrific , with standouts from furlong , d'angelo , and lien . visually , the film is very powerful . kaye indulges in a lot of interesting artistic choices , and most of them work nicely -- lots of slow-motion and strange camera angles add to a moody atmosphere . but , like a lot of movies lately , american history x skims past greatness in the last few minutes . although the climactic scene is very moving , the picture ends with a pretentious , preachy resolution featuring a brief narration from a character who was killed . for a movie so smart a subtle up until that point , it felt like a slap in the face to be hand-fed a theme in such a simplistic way . it makes me wonder what , exactly , tony kaye disliked about the final version of his film . perhaps this last scene was the problem . it's hard to imagine any director not being at least partially pleased with a film this good -- in a time when so many movies are timid and weak , american history x manages to make a compelling argument for racism without advocating it any way .
121	neg	here's a concept -- jean-claude van damme gets killed within the first ten minutes of the movie . now if that isn't enough to get you to finally see a van damme movie , i don't know what is . all sarcasm aside , it is certainly a different way to start a movie , of course a few minutes later we find out that the newly deceased had a twin brother -- so lucky us , we get to see more of jean-claude . van damme #1 works for the russian mafia in the united states and is killed by some of their operatives . van damme #2 is a police officer in france who finds out that he had a twin brother he never knew about after #1 gets killed in france . the remaining twin ( the french cop ) goes to the united states to find out who killed his brother and avenge his death . once there , he hooks up with his deceased brother's girlfriend , played by natasha henstridge , and the two of them set out to discover who the murderers are . jean-claude's acting abilities don't seem to be up to the usual lackluster standards in this movie . in other words , just in case you missed the sarcasm , his acting is worse than normal . on the upside , natasha henstridge is in this film , and she does what she did best in species -- she gets naked . sadly , this is probably the high point in the movie . she is actually a decent actress , but didn't improve as much as i thought she would after species . this is the typical van damme movie , with jean-claude doing a variety of high end martial arts moves on his opponents . nothing new here , and certainly nothing we haven't seen in every other van damme movie . simply put , there is absolutely nothing new about this movie . it has a retread plot -- this isn't the first time jean-claude has played twins . he still can't act . we all saw natasha's breasts in species ( although this is one repeat performance i'm not complaining about ) . this is pretty much like every movie that van damme has ever been involved in -- sub par .
122	pos	available for rental - october 12 , 1999 10 things i hate about you is an update of the classic play , the taming of the shrew . that said , drop any pre-conceived notions of what shakespeare's work is supposed to be like and welcome yourself to padua high school , home of a student counselor ( allison janney ) who obsesses over the male penis ; a slightly too hip and racist african-american english teacher ( daryl mitchell ) ; a new kid named cameron ( joseph gordon-levitt ) ; a model named joey ( andrew keegan ) , the subject of cameron and joey's crushes ; bianca ( larisa oleynik ) ; and bianca's sister - the shrew ( julia stiles in a marvelous performance ) - whose name is katarina , kat for short . with movies about high schools similar to these running through projectors like water down the nile , it would be quite easy to write off 10 things i hate about you as just another doltish comedic-romance . yet , you must realize that the story is timeless , and a few hundred years later it is equally as witty and comical as when elizabeth gleefully looked on , groundlings below and stuffed brassieres on stage . the first reminder of the original scribe can be found in katarina and bianca's last name : stratford . their family is run by walter stratford ( pretty woman's larry miller ) , a doctor who is all too familiar with teenage pregnancy and guards his children accordingly . in what he thinks to be a moment of ironic humor , the family " no dating " policy is amended to " bianca can date . . . when [katarina] does . " with prom just ahead , bianca's fate is grim ; unless , of course , she can tame the shrew . don't think this mission to be a simple one , as bianca kindly points out , her sister " . . . is a particularly hideous breed of loser . " getting katarina to date is complex and oftentimes confusing . when cameron , who likes bianca , learns of her father's new rule , he is quick to consult a friend for advice . the scheme they dream up is to fully exploit " someone with money . " in this case , that is joey - the other guy with a crush on bianca . cameron's friend , a loser by teenage verdict , convinces joey to pay someone who has enough guts to take the shrew out . the solution lies no farther away than the second blatant reminder of the master scribe : patrick verona ( heath ledger ) . this verona is far from fair ; rumor has it that he previously laid his scene in prison . moreover , katarina openly opined to the aforementioned english teacher that " hemingway was an alcoholic who hung around picasso , hoping to nail his leftovers . " the laws of high school cinema inexorably turn patrick and katarina into romeo and juliet . providing a constant reminder of the fact that this isn't exactly what shakespeare had in mind are the elements obligatory to a high school comedy : a party polluted with liquor , a best friend's betrayal , and prom . it is the latter that has become infamous for closing films like drive me crazy , american pie , never been kissed , carrie , she's all that , and can't hardly wait . yet surely even these practices have roots in shakespeare ; falstaff was a drunk , romeo and juliet met at a party , and caesar learned about loyalty the hard way .
123	pos	in brief : best bleak comedy film since heathers . full of wonderful swipes at the fifteen minutes of fame mentality that feeds so much of modern american pop culture . go see it ! so , i prepared for this film by watching a moving interview on " hard copy " with pam smart , the new hampshire media teacher who was convicted of engineering the death of her husband back in the 1980's . " hard copy " 's diane diamond asked smart what she thought about nicole kidman's fictionalized portrayal of her in the new film to die for . smart replied that she thought kidman's character came off as a dumb , vicious tramp and she thought that the publicity the new movie generates might just hurt her chances in her latest court appeal . ( smart was convicted and given a life sentence for her part in the murder of her husband . ) smart's got a point . it wouldn't be the first time that the public took the better scripted and well-acted movie version of an event as the absolute truth over the duller and far less artistic real life version . however , given a choice between the mass media 'happening' of the real event and the fictionalized movie , i would definitely opt for the later . real murderers rarely have dialogue as witty as what buck henry has written for this movie and smart , while pretty and alluring , is no match for the cinematic charms of nicole kidman . to die for begins in a town called little hope , new hampshire , the archetypal dry and intellectually barren american suburb . the story concerns the ambitious suzanne stone and how she tackles the obstacles between her and her life long ambition of being 'on tv . ' of course , one of those little obstacles turns out to be her dull and unambitious husband larry , played by matt dillon . but , with a little imagination , some charm and raw sex appeal and a rather novel approach to junior achievement , our heroine manages to overcome the nay-sayers in her life , at least temporarily . kidman triumphs in the trashy role of suzanne . i have never really been all that fond of this actress but she shows a wonderful flair for comedy in this picture . her portrayal of the incredibly shallow and dumb femme fatale resonates . kidman knows a star-making role when she sees it and she plays the conscience-deprived suzanne as the ultimate career driven , post-feminist uber-temptress from hell . she is ably abetted by wonderfully demented comic dialogue , which kidman delivers in a unselfconsciously funny way . at one point suzanne is expounding on her knowledge of world events to her future husband and sister-in-law . " you know , " she knowingly exclaims , " gorbachev would still be the leader of russia or whatever , if he had just had that ugly purplish thing removed from his head . " her husband beams at suzanne's profound knowledge of world politics and then proudly proclaims that this qualifies her to be the next barbara walters . this is very close to pop culture bashing heaven , folks . the other standout performance in the film is delivered by joaquin phoenix . he plays jimmy , a burned out teenager who becomes addicted to suzanne's sexual favors . kidman's character , vapid though she is , is a sort of suave beacon of success to jimmy and his lost friends russell and lydia , winningly portrayed by casey affleck and alison folland . phoenix looks like the very embodiment of gen-x slackerhood ( as envisioned by tabloid tv , of course ) . his jimmy has the dead eyes and demeanor of a kid who knows that he ain't going anywhere , ever . phoenix reacts to the sexy suzanne with a sort of obsessed amazement and he makes us believe that a loser character like jimmy really would be willing to kill for someone like suzanne , someone who actually noticed him . gus van sant ( drugstore cowboy , my own private idaho ) direction is first-rate . he keeps the pacing in this not-quite-thriller snapping along . van sant rightly keeps the focus of this movie on the amoral suzanne and doesn't stop to proselytize the audience about the rightness or wrongness of her actions . van sant trusts his material and trusts his audience to 'get it' without stopping to explain what is funny about this all-american story . the screenplay , by buck henry , is absolutely great and includes some of the best bleakly comic lines i've heard since heathers . henry's story is a blast against the shallowness of the american media and the mindlessness of fame , yet the screenplay delivers this sharp message by focusing on just a few characters . henry ably manages to avoid diluting his story by aiming at too many targets and the result is a crisp and funny mini-classic . danny elfman did the original music for this movie and he delivers another eccentric , loopy score that strongly echoes his themes for edward scissorhands . either film score would make wonderful background music for halloween trick-or-treat parties . all-in-all , a wonderful production , well worth your seven bucks ! to die for : a columbia pictures release directed by gus van sant . written by buck henry score by danny elfman starring nicole kidman , matt dillon , joachin phoenix based on the book by joyce maynard . rated r - for language and mature themes . ( respect the r , not for under 14's ) rating ----- stars . go see it .
124	pos	well i'll be damned . . . the canadians can make a good movie . the world is coming to an end . we don't know why or how , but apparently there is no way to stop it . the world has had this information for months , as most of the rioting and other assorted chaos has passed and governments have shut down operations . yet for a handful of toronto citizens , life goes on . they aren't going crazy or attacking people in the streets . instead they are simply preparing themselves for the end . . . some engaging in activities they've always wanted to do , some gathering with family and friends , and others just seeking to be alone . these people's lives however all intersect during their final six hours . writer-director-star don mckellar has crafted a highly unique and emotional film . all of the main characters are compelling as they try and do whatever it is they need to do on their last night on earth . craig ( callum keith rennie ) tries to fulfill all his sexual fantasies , a gas company employee ( david cronenberg ) calls every customer letting them know the gas will be flowing until the very end and thanks them for their business , and patrick ( mckellar ) just wants to be by himself but isn't having much success . even minor characters keep popping up where you least expect them to , tying everyone even closer . things seemed a little hokey towards the beginning of the film , but ultimately everything comes together nicely ( although it's not a happy film . . . some moments are understandably gut-wrenching ) . the story is enhanced by some unexpected humor and very realistic performances , particularly from sandra oh , whose character is just trying to get home to her husband before the end . i have absolutely no problem that the reason for the end of the world is never given , nor does it bother me that the world is ending at exactly 12 midnight ( in toronto anyway ) . but i do wonder why the sun never sets . come midnight , the sun is still shining brightly . maybe the sun is crashing into the earth . . . who knows . also , it's comforting to know that in mankind's final moments on the planet , people will still gang up on the street for the sheer purpose of pushing over a car or a bus ( that's not a shot at this film mind you . . . i know people are just stupid and truly would be out in the street tipping over cars ) . last night is available on dvd from universal home video . it contains the film in fullscreen format and includes the original theatrical trailer . [r]
125	pos	hilarious , ultra-low budget comedy from film school dropout kevin smith chronicles a day in the life of two convenience store slackers ( brian o'halloran and jeff anderson ) . they spend most of their day ignoring customers while discussing everything from fellatio to self-fulfillment . the premise is strictly sitcom and the photography is grainy as all get-out , but you could spend ten times the film's budget ( a reported $27 , 000 ) and still not get dialogue half as good as this . originally rated nc-17 for language . not recommended for viewers with sensitive ears . killing zoe =========== remake reservoir dogs as a french art film and you're halfway to killing zoe , writer/director roger avary's slow-moving story of a failed bastille day bank robbery . eric stoltz stars as an american in paris who gets in * way * over his head when hooks up with a band of nihilistic bank robbers . he's the safecracker who's blissful unaware that the bank job is a botch job from the word go . though intriguing on all fronts , the film is paced at half the speed of pulp fiction , which avary co-wrote with quentin tarantino . in english and french . the road to wellville ===================== based on the novel by t . coraghessan boyle , the road to wellville doesn't go very far . bowels , bowels , and more bowels are explored by dr . john harvey kellogg ( a buck-toothed and bespectacled anthony hopkins ) , who , in the early 1900's , advocated abstinence , vegetarianism , and frequent defecation . he also invented the cornflake . really . checking-in to kellogg's battle creek sanitarium are matthew broderick and bridget fonda , just two of the many well-known faces in this failed comedy . leave your laughter at the door and you can marvel at the unfunny antics of john cusack , michael lerner , lara flynn boyle , john neville , and dana carvey . the art direction is impeccable and some of the early sequences are amusing , but the novelty quickly wears off as writer/director alan parkers tries his darnedness to turn doo-doo into drama . what he ends up with is something that i can't print here . phew ! stargate ======== lawrence of arabia meets star wars . this epic sci-fi film is more sheer spectacle than anything else . director roland emmerich ( universal solider ) shamelessly rips off lucas and spielberg and just about any other cosmic cliche that he can lay his hands on . the film is overlong , the characters are cardboard , and the script is filled with some of the most laughable details in modern sci-fi history . that said , there's still plenty to watch here . sci-fi fans should enjoy the sculpted sands , the morphing headdresses , and a surprisingly spunky james spader . he plays the egyptologist who gets to prove his theory that that " somebody else " built the pyramids . less interesting are co-stars kurt russell and jaye davidson of crying game fame . star trek generations ===================== trek fans may be more forgiving , but , for the rest of us , the sluggish star trek generations is a mixed bag at best . the story is interesting , but each scene goes too long . the cast is earnest , but the direction lacks punch . and so on . ( the best example of the latter is a klingon comeuppance that delivers none of the impact of a similar scene in star trek ii . ) original enterprise captain james t . kirk appears on both ends of the story , though they cut the scene where shatner turns to the screen to plead " get a life . " remarkably unremarkable . miracle on 34th street ====================== in a season of the specialist and pulp fiction et al , maybe a remake of miracle on 34th street * is * necessary . john hughes certainly believes in santa claus and his les mayfield-directed production does nothing to tarnish the memory of the 1947 original . the romance between costars dylan mcdermott and elizabeth perkins doesn't work too well , but the film makes a strong case that richard attenborough is the definitive kriss kringle . his chemistry with children can moisten any eye . no claus for alarm . junior ====== arnold schwarzenegger pregnant ? sure , billy crystal did it before in rabbit test , but the sight of schwarz with a bulging belly is a casting coup comparable to dustin hoffman in tootsie . what should be nothing more than a one-joke premise actually gets better as it goes along . director ivan reitman ( dave , twins ) wisely keeps the farce to a minimum , so the first hour moves slower than you might expect . don't expect too many yuks from danny devito , but you can't beat those early romantic scenes between emma and arnie . how's * that * for a collision of acting styles ?
126	pos	it's hard not to recommend " the others . " the supernatural thriller , written and directed by alejandro amen ? bar ( " open your eyes " ) , adroitly establishes and maintains a low-key atmosphere of menace . the cinematography , by javier aguirresarobe , is as good as i have ever seen and nicole kidman gives another in her growing body of fine performances . but the pacing of the story moves from deliberate to downright sluggish and the payoff of the tale left me less than satisfied . overall , the film plays like a very high quality version of any number of old " twilight zone " episodes where the characters spend a great deal of time wandering about looking afraid and disoriented , only to learn they are actually a child's toy , a military test subject or a department store dummy . watching those vintage shows and listening to the players chatter , i always wanted to shout , " get on with it ! " as much as i appreciated the atmosphere and acting in " the others , " my reaction was much the same . set at an island mansion off the coast of england during world war ii , the story focuses on grace ( kidman ) , who tends to her children anne ( alakina mann ) and nicholas ( james bentley ) and worries about her husband , charles ( christopher eccleston ) , a missing serviceman . anne and nicholas suffer from photosensitivity and grace patrols the estate with the keys to all 50 doors , protecting the little ones from excess light by making sure that only one door is open at a time . at the beginning of the film , three servants , mrs . mills ( fionnula flanagan ) , young , mute lydia ( elaine cassidy ) , and mr . tuttle ( eric sykes ) , an aging gardener , join the family . the two that speak seem agreeable enough at first , but it soon becomes apparent that they know something that grace does not . to make matters worse , the children are upset : nicholas is unusually jittery and anne claims to be seeing ghosts . grace attempts to blame the troubles on the new arrivals to her home , only to realize that whatever is happening is beyond them . that's essentially the whole story , with the tension growing until the pivotal moment when everything becomes clear . earlier , there is an outstanding scene where grace darts outside , only to be enveloped in fold after fold of shimmering fog . the visuals in the otherworldly sequence , courtesy of aguirresarobe , are simply astounding . i also enjoyed the presence of religion , a rarity in films dealing with the supernatural . grace is a christian and answers her children's questions about life and death with the assurance of a devout worshiper . when mother is away , though , the kids speculate whether her statements are fact or folklore , just as real children do . but those nice touches fail to enliven a film that is too slow or make up for a lackluster ending . " the others " sets out to be a classic ghost story , but fails to grasp that special something that makes such films more than layers of mist .
127	neg	five years after his directorial debut based on stephen king's writings called the shawshank redemption ( 9/10 ) , writer/director frank darabont returns to the big screen with another prison film based on the famous scribblings of stephen king . unlike the latter film , this one is a big , long , laborious bore . plot : a seven-foot death row inmate is discovered to have secret healing powers . critique : this film is slow , drawn-out , boring , uninteresting , unexciting , predictable and topped with a couple of one-dimensional " evil " characters . its only positive attribute lies in its actors who all do credible jobs and its message of hope and belief in miracles . the real miracle of my night was the fact that i did not fall asleep during this straightforward , unimpressive film about a guy with special powers who we never truly understand or care about . of course , much like all other death row cell blocks , this one is filled with decent inmates who all happen to be " misunderstood " , except for one cookie-cutter crazy guy who is evil personified . and let's not forget all the guards on death row , who also happen to be angels from the heaven above , except for one cookie-cutter crazy guard who is also evil personified ( and is there any reason why there are about six guards when there appears to be no more than three inmates ? ? ? ) . am i supposed to identify with anyone in this film ? or even more importantly , am i supposed to give a rat's ass about anyone in this film ? well , if i was , i sure missed that boat , because the only thing that i ended up caring about during this entire picture was the obscene amount of fat that tom hanks has been able to burrow under his loose chin . furthermore , there is absolutely no reason in the world why director frank darabont needed to take three hours and ten minutes out of anyone's life to present this story . in fact , the story is empty within itself . i truly did not get anything out of the film other than the fact that there is a guy on death row who has special powers to heal , and we are left wondering if he should still be executed or not . wow . how interesting . the plot's utter predictability is also at fault here with one guess as to whom is to get healed by the gentle monster in this film ( we are told that one certain lady has a tumor early on in the movie ) . whip out those thinking caps , kids ! hmmm , and i wonder what will happen to those two cookie-cutter " evil " guys who have nothing in their system but hate and negativity . hmmmm , now think hard here , boys and girls . what a crock ! i am guessing that this film was supposed to be some three-hour exercise in spirituality , but unfortunately for me , it was neither spiritual or the least bit engaging . in fact , it was one big bore . i didn't see the point of the movie , i didn't see the point of the story and i certainly didn't see the point in tom hanks' big double-chin . all in all , a bad movie starring some great actors doing solid work , especially michael clarke duncan as the man of the hour , john coffey . give that man an award or something !
128	neg	alexandre dumas meets hong kong action with newcomer justin chambers reprising the oft-played character of dashing swordsman d'artagnon in director peter hyam's adventure " the musketeer . " for some reason that i may figure out later , i don't know why the time , money and effort were put into the making of " the musketeer . " it may be that someone had the clever idea of combining the dumas characters and story with the current enamor with the action work of hong kong imports like this film's xin-xin xiong ( " once upon a time in china " ) and yuen woo-ping from " crouching tiger , hidden dragon . " the result is a mix of genres that don't mesh well . elements of the ritz brothers-style comedy ( for those few who remember that comedic troupe from the 1939 " the three musketeers " ) , the man with no name from " a fistful of dollars " ( d'artagnan demands that the bad guys apologize to his horse in a direct ref to the clint eastwood spaghetti western ) and hong kong action choreography are all utilized in the original script by gene quintano . the result is an action flick that bears little resemblance to its source material while it makes contemporary that material in an effort to grab the " matrix " crowd . alexandre dumas may well be rolling in his grave if he knows what was done to his classic oeuvre and characters . the real problem with the " the musketeer " lies in the casting of the two lead , romantically intertwined characters , d'artagnan and francesca ( mena suvari ) . chambers has the boyishly handsome good looks for the character , a la chris o'donnell , but lacks any onscreen charisma . suvari has the doe-eyed , pretty looks as the chambermaid who has the ear of the queen , but she , too , does not have the chemistry to command the screen . if " the musketeer " makes them any money , they should invest in acting lessons . stronger performers may have helped to raise the bar on this one . the supporting cast is , on the surface , impressive . catherine denueve plays the queen of france and lends her character an air of royalty , dignity and humor , especially when she plays off of d'artagnan's mentor , planchet ( jean-pierre castaldi , who reminds of andre the giant in " the princess bride ) . stephen rea looks good in the part of the conniving usurper cardinal richelieu , but is given very little to help flesh out his character . tim roth is the kind of bad guy you love to hate as the cardinal's chief henchman , febre . he is so bad he makes simon legree look like a boy scout . the rest of the players , particularly the three musketeers aramis ( nick moran , " lock , stock and two smoking barrels " ) , porthos ( steve spiers ) and athos ( jan gregor kremp ) , are background fodder whose role is to come to d'artagnan's aid when needed . peter hyam's does double duty as director and cinematography and may be too stretched to do both well . a stronger hand at the helm could have helped the mediocre performances of the leads and better utilized his veteran thesps . photography is straightforward action fare that goes through all the appropriate action flick motions - d'artagnan takes on a tavern full of thugs and bests them single-handed ; he fights a gang of febre's henchmen aboard a speeding coach to protect the queen ( with the obligatory branches hanging over the road ) ; he goes one on one with his lifelong enemy , febre , who murdered d'artagnan's folks years before . it is all routine stuff . the renowned wire work developed by the hong kong action masters is used to artificial effect as the players leap , defying gravity , up walls and from horse to horse . it works in a sci-fi film like " the matrix " or in a classical fantasy like " crouching tiger , hidden dragon " but just calls attention to itself in " the musketeer . " at one point i could swear i saw the stunt wire being used . it did not make me a believer and i am very disappointed . with a run time of 106 minutes it should have been more like 80 and i give it a d .
129	neg	synopsis : a novelist struggling with his latest work buys a weird brain with a protruding eyeball encased in a jar . the brain exerts its evil influence upon the novelist and his secretary , while his wife disapproves . meanwhile , a loan shark in need of a shave tries to leave his profession . comments : why is this movie called possessed by the night ? it's hard to speculate . most of this film takes place during the day , and the only thing possessing anyone is an icky , pulsating , bubbling brain thingie in a jar . in case you haven't picked up on this yet , possessed by the night is a bottom-of-the-barrel " thriller " ( i use the term " thriller " loosely here ) which is really cheap and bad . the plot , which sounds like a cheesy pulp science fiction story from the 1950s , actually serves one purpose : to exploit nude women as often as possible . writing a movie review for a film like this proves oddly challenging . there's really not much to say . the acting is lousy ; although , occasionally , the attempts at acting are so absurd that they garner a chuckle or two from the audience . most humorous is frank sivero , who plays murray , the novelist's agent . he is so horrible in this role that one can't help but be amused . the plot sucks . nearly half the film is devoted to a loser loan shark who wants out of the profession , even though he has only limited relevance to the movie as a whole . the dialogue stinks . a loan shark , for instance , tells another how much he loves bimbos , which is something the audience really doesn't need to know . everything about possessed by the night is second rate , even the film credits . as the names of the not-so-talented film crew scrolled by at the end , joseph scales came up , credited as being " assistsant to foley artist . " someone could have used an editor ! to be honest , the film is basically an excuse to flash frontal nudity and show some sex scenes . playboy playmate shannon tweed , after all , is the star here . i suppose that if one wanted this sort of thing , he would like this movie . why did i give this turkey two stars and not one ? as a bad movie , it is unintentionally funny enough to keep someone passingly interested in the film . if you feel possessed to see possessed by the night , however , i'd recommend you exorcise this impulse and watch something else .
130	neg	in a typical cinematic high school , the football jocks have sex with the girls and then dump them , but not before the boys' scores are dutifully recorded in their little black books . as the sexual acts take place , the other guys hang out nearby , guzzling beer and grunting like pigs . in the rage : carrie 2 , robert mandel's terminally bland sequel to carrie , there isn't a single original moment . only amy irving returns from carrie , and the talent of the rest of the sequel's cast is impossible to determine given the stupefying mediocrity of rafael moreu's script . as rachel , the horror story's lead , emily bergl gives one of the least scary performances in recent memory , but it isn't exactly her fault . the director asks for little from his actors , which is precisely what he gets . sporadically in this lame and lifeless movie , rachel will cause school lockers and windows to fly open , but generally she just mopes around looking like a victim . her fellow students delight in tormenting her . of course , she will get her revenge in the obligatory ending bloodbath in which she will decapitate and castrate the boys and crush the girls with burning timbers . as the movie marks time until its big finale , it throws in some repugnant scenes , hoping to turn audience's stomachs . rachel's girlfriend commits a horrible and realistic suicide after the boy who made " love " to her the night before spurns her . ( he gets major points in his black book for this , but his buddies say he would have gotten more if he had had sex with her after her death . ) even a helpless puppy is run over , and we see his poor , little body flipping over and over under a truck . the teenagers in the movie are completely blas ? about it all . " doesn't it offend you that some girl offed herself yesterday , " asks one of the few kids with a conscience . " why ? " responds his nonplussed girlfriend . " she wasn't anybody . " remarkably devoid of any energy , especially for a horror flick , the movie makes one yearn for a fast forward button on the theater's armrest . with material this bad , the film's only hope is to go for parody , but it isn't smart enough to realize it . even the mandatory epilogue is as pointless and predictable as the rest of the movie . the rage : carrie 2 runs 1 : 45 . it is rated r for graphic violence , teen alcohol abuse , sex , nudity and profanity and would be acceptable only for older teenagers .
131	neg	toward the bottom of the '80s action movie barrel lies action jackson , the only movie in hollywood history to show sharon stone and vanity topless within a span of ten minutes . this carl " apollo creed " weathers vehicle features the traditional cop vs . evil establishment crook , and relies on all the '80s trappings , from the token heroin addict who needs a fix to the shouting superior officer . somewhere in between come the explosions and boobs , although there is a curious lack of exploding boobs . weathers is action jackson , a detroit cop known for all sorts of crazy vigilante techniques . speaking of one past criminal apprehension , jackson's superior yells , " you tore his arm off ! " jackson replies , " he had a spare . " jackson has been busted down to a desk job because of past problems with auto manufacturer dellaplane ( craig t . nelson ) and now has to act as department liaison to a dinner honoring nelson . after hearing what jackson thinks of him , stone says , " i take it you're not one of dellaplane's friends . " " not unless they changed the definition , " jackson glowers . and of course it turns out stone is mrs . dellaplane . faux pas , jackson . . . not everything is happy in motown ; people are being killed and dellaplane has evil plans for the awa . it's all up to jackson to stop it , and his only lead lies in vanity ( not his own ) . wherever she left off with prince in terms of exchanging sexual favors for career advancement she picks up in action jackson . she plays the heroin addict and chanteuse in dellaplane's nightclub . after singing one particularly sultry number for him , she saunters over and complains , " i expected a standing ovation . " he responds , " you're getting one , " and it's damn clever because he's sitting down at the time . prince wouldn't even let out an innuendo that lame and he's the king of the horndogs . . . or at least the prince . it's a testament to the '80s that sharon stone is killed off within the first 30 minutes but vanity survives the whole movie . action jackson is another variation on the " unlikely partners " buddy action flick , with jackson lugging junkie vanity around . this leads to some of the worst paired acting of the me decade , and with the dialogue they're given , there's not much room for improvement . my favorite is when vanity , feeling the effects of drug withdrawal , says , " i feel like my teeth are hollow , my gums are made of dry rubber and someone's trying to start a bonfire in the back of my bloody head . " jackson's response is , " i think i felt that way once . they called it love . " you'll understand when i say watch this at your own risk . serving the world for nearly 1/25th of a century !
132	pos	warning ! : may contain some mild spoilers and offensive material . rated : r ( ! ) for sexual content , crude and sexual humor , and some nudity . . ( a mild r rating ) starring : rob schneider , oded fehr , eddie griffin , arija bareikis , amy poehler , norm mcdonald . running time : 88 minutes " deuce bigalow : male gigolo " is simply a hilarious good-natured comedy that may offend some , but underneath all it's crude humor and sexual content is a sweet little love story that is surprisingly involving . it isn't any kind of cinematic classic , but it's a very very funny comedy that keeps us entertained until the end credits which themselves are funny too . it has all it needs to be a breezy entertaining comedy : the acting is up to pace and some of the performances quite funny , the screenplay is witty and smart , and the whole story is sweet and cute . deuce bigalow ( rob schneider ) is your typically average guy : he cleans fish tanks for a living and gets an average of 10 bucks for it . though one might call him a loser , deuce gets a job he would never thought he would get . he gets to clean the tank for a male gigolo ( oded fehr ) and gets offered to watch over his place while he goes on a trip . trying to be like him he hangs upside down from a pole and accidentally pushes off the fishtank and burns his cabinets . the thing is now he has to try and find $6 , 000 dollars in three weeks to make sure everything looks right again . so he decides to go " man-whoring " and to his luck gets the oddest people on earth : an over-weight woman who decidedly wants to eat everything in site , a woman with narcolepsy who sleeps all the time , a woman who has sudden screaming outbursts , and a woman he can't stop thinking about . he charges $10 but he is willing to negotiate . from now on he is considered deuce bigalow : male gigolo . with non-stop laughs an a abundence of crude humor " deuce bigalow : male gigolo " is sometimes like last years hit " there's something about mary " that is offensive but very funny . the screenplay by harris goldberg and rob schneider himself is a smart , clever and witty screenplay that seems to have been written with care to make is so hilariously funny . the characters in the film are all actually likable especially " jabba lady " with her big body but soft heart . there are actually times in the movie where i fell out of my chair laughing so hard that my stomach was killing me . even though i thought " toy story 2 " and " being john malkovich " were the funniest of the year " deuce bigalow " follows right behind them . the directing by mike mitchell is fantastic and shows he took time on the film . rob schneider gives a surprisingly endearing performance and when his romance develops with one of his customers kate ( arija bareikis ) it is a sweet romance that we get involved in and actually like being involved in it . " deuce bigalow " is a good-natured film worth all the merit it can get . its not a classic or a masterpiece , it's just a comedy that we don't feel bad about watching . sure it may come off as offensive and may come off as dumb sometimes , but you cannot deny that it isn't funny . " deuce bigalow : male gigolo " is no disappointment . its a fast paced , entertaining sweet and hilarious comedy that may be destined to become a cult classic . fans of schneider will not be disappointed and fans of crude but nice comedies will not either . for some reason the film garnered an r rating but with no " f words " or extensive use of sexual content or explicit nudity i was really wondering why the film was r . a mild r to put it to the least , but even if your under 17 or above at least 13 this film is good enough for you to see . don't try to be one of those people who make so much of a film that they do not like it , just sit back , laugh and enjoy the movie .
133	pos	it's not often that i laugh so hard at a movie that my head hurts . but that's just what happened to me at uhf , weird al yankovic's big screen debut . uhf is a television parody a la airplane , and like airplane , the movie is extraordinarily stupid . but it's dumb in the best way a movie can be dumb : it's so silly and outrageous it's hilarious . the movie stars weird al as george newman , a world class nerd with a hyperactive imagination , the type who fantasizes he's indiana jones and who uses hostess twinkies as hot dog buns . george is basically a loser ; his daydreams and smart-alec attitude perpetually prevent him from holding onto a job for more than two weeks . but george finally gets a chance to funnel his creativity into something productive when his uncle wins channel 62 in a poker game and makes him the general manager of the struggling uhf television station . george revives channel 62 with innovative programming : shows like " wheel of fish " and movies like " conan , the librarian . " as the station's ratings rise , it comes into competition with channel 8 , the leading vhf network-affiliate . as r . j . fletcher--channel 8's ill-natured , hard-nosed owner--veteran stage and film actor kevin mccarthy is flamboyantly sleazy ; he really hams it up with his snorts , grimaces , and scowls . uhf satirizes anything and everything to do with television , including game shows , tabloid talk shows , children's shows , dizzy news women , and movies--everything from rambo to close encounters . the funniest scene , the one that made my head spin , is a commercial for spatulas which has to be seen to be believed . like most movies in its genre , uhf is hit or miss . for every gag that works , at least one fizzles . for instance , weird al's mock video of " money for nothing " by dire straits is only mildly amusing and brings the film to a grinding halt ( although it does have some nifty computer animation ) . but the funniest bits in uhf are so hysterical that we can forgive the ones that fail ; we know another gut wrencher is on the way . in fact , uhf hits the mark often enough to make it the most effective airplane-type movie since . . . well , since airplane . much of the credit goes to weird al's exceptionally inventive script and to the movie's winsome cast . weird al seems a little stiff at the beginning , but because he's not afraid to look silly , he ultimately has a lot of fun with his character . the real standout is michael richards as stanley , the dim-witted janitor who becomes the host of his own children's show : " stanley spadowski's playhouse . " stanley's off-beat , mixed-up personality is a big hit with the audience and makes him an over-night star . he is an endearing mixture of good-natured innocence , high-energy enthusiasm , and puppy-dog cuteness . and above all , he's a good janitor who adores his work . another highlight is a vintage cameo by the incomparable emo philips . the cast also features gedde watanabe ( the chinese foreign-exchange student in sixteen candles ) as the karate master who hosts the hit series , " wheel of fish . " also aboard for the ride is fran drescher , who plays pamela finklestein , channel 62's roving reporter . unfortunately , as weird al's girlfriend , victoria jackson is wasted in a role that calls for nothing but whimpering , whining , and sulking . her character is extraneous and should have been either further integrated into the story or cut from the script altogether . while uhf is not an absolute must-see , it's definitely the ticket if you're looking for a wild and zany , whacked-out comedy . the movie is good enough to see in the theaters , but it may work even better on television , the very medium at which it pokes fun .
134	pos	what is a scary movie anyhow ? is it a movie where a person gets ripped to shreds ? is it where a person is being chased by some damned teenager who wants revenge ? possibly its some guy with a hook who wants to know what you did last summer . what ever happened to horror movies , where the horror was in the atmosphere , and in the characters . movies like " halloween " and " psycho " which revolutionized horror genre forever , but wait in 1973 came a movie based on the bestselling book by william peter blatty , entitled " the exorcist " , the movie opened to rave reviews , and scared audiences to death , now in the year 2000 " the exorcist " comes back to the big screen in a version you've never seen complete with six channel digital surround sound , and fifteen minutes of new footage never before seen as long as a new ending . chris mcniell is an actress living in georgetown washington with her twelve year old daughter regan . while working on a new film , chris still stays close to regan , but starts to wonder why her bed shakes at night , and why regan starts to have convulsions all of a sudden . when chris finds out that regan is possessed by a demon , she shuns at the fact of it , but considers getting a priest to help her daughter . father karras ( jason miller ) is the man they bring in , his mother has just died , and still in mourning he decides to help this little girl . christ , father karras , and their nanny sharon ( kitty winn ) have to sit and wait until a man shows up , that man is the exorcist , and that man will help this little girl . excrutiatingly scary , the exorcist is a classic horror film , which twenty seven years later still scares audiences half to death . now we get to the experience " the exorcist " the way it was meant to be seen in a director's cut which incorpates fifteen minutes of new footage cut by friedkin at the time of the release for content and time , a new ending has been added as well , and adds more of a lighter feeling to the movie , which i prefer the original darker ending more . the movie has also been remastered in a wonderful six channel digital sound mix , and is amazing . the voices are all clear , the music pours out on you and engulfs you in richness . as a director friedkin has been well known for other films , but his standout film is " the exorcist " nominated for several academy awards it one a few , but was somehow doubted best picture , best actress ( ellen burstyn ) and best supporting actress ( linda blair ) who at the age of i believe thirteen does a wonderful job of being a little girl , alone , possessed and unable to stop what is going on . ellen burstyn i think gives her best performance to date , and can be seen currently in " requiem for a dream " to which she is getting rave reviews for . jason miller ( jason patrik's dad ) is amazing as father karras , and his performance will be forever embedded in my mind , to me he is the character who makes the entire film float along . i was saddened when i saw this film with an audience of mostly younger people to see them laughing at this movie , i in no way , think that this movie is comical , yes some of the stuff regan says is funny , but they were laughing at her head spinning , and the green pea soup , come on people this is some creepy stuff ! anyway the re-release of the film has managed to make $40 million dollars , and is still going . hopefully one day they re-release it again in twenty years for more generations to come to enjoy .
135	pos	when a someone journeys to the theater to see a comedy , he always risks having to sit through inanity such as what we recently saw in films like edtv and office space . it really is too bad that comedies are so hit- and-miss , because when a moviegoer goes in a theater expecting to be amused , it really is a shame when the alleged comedy fails to deliver . but weep not , dear readers , because the latest comedy out of the hollywood movie mill is nothing less than a sure bet . austin powers : the spy who shagged me is one of the funniest things i've had the pleasure to see in a long time ; a completely looney , delightful parody of the often pretentious james bond flicks . if all comedies ( or even half ; or - - what am i saying ? -- even a fifth of them ) could be this consistently hysterical , i would take up residence at my local multiplex . even more to this movie's credit is the fact that it is a sequel to the 1997 sleeper/cult hit austin powers : international man of mystery . the original came out of nowhere ; it was a low-budget , eccentric movie that many expected to flop like a leslie nielsen parody . all of a sudden it was being quoted by teenagers all over america . ironically , powers' " yeeeeah baby , yeah ! " has almost become an icon of the late 90s . thus another installment was inevitable , but it's also undoubtedly welcome . the spy who shagged me is one of the most unrestrained , over- the-top comedies i have ever seen in my entire life . it brings back most of the characters from its predecessor ( even if only briefly ) and adds new ones . austin powers ( mike myers ) , a swinging hipster from the 60s transported into the 90s has to go back to his own time to get back his mojo ( oh , you'll figure it out ) , which dr . evil ( meyers again ) has stolen . he enlists the help of a gorgeous secret agent felicity shagwell ( now that his prior sidekick vanessa has been properly disposed of in a hilarious opening sequence ) , played without much distinguishable gusto by heather graham and together they go back to the 60s to defeat dr . evil yet again . surprisingly , the real star is dr . evil rather than austin . he gets most of the screen time because he was so popular in the first movie . perhaps this is true because he is portrayed and written so affectionately . instead of being the scheming , villainous mad scientist we might expect from a character like this he is a bumbling , often sweet mad scientist wannabe . the spy who shagged me has much of the same stuff we saw in the original , but that's okay by me because the original left us wanting more . by the time that one was over we haven't had nearly our share of shag jokes , crude puns and powers' antics and this sequel satisfies our appetites . even by its conclusions , i'm still not sure i've had my fill of bits like " do you smoke after sex ? " " i don't know , baby , i never looked . " this may seem awfully immature of me , but understand that the austin powers series , unlike most of the crap hollywood feeds us these days , is genuinely funny . i don't know if i've ever laughed harder at any movie than i did during the jerry springer send up or the indubitably hilarious " just the two of us " rendition by dr . evil and his new miniature clone named " mini-me " . i don't have any pretensions that this is particularly smart social satire or anything of the sort . indeed there is little beyond the joy a viewer feels when he sees something that is able to entertain him as much as this movie did . but as far as i'm concerned , that is enough . ? 1999 eugene novikov &#137 ;
136	pos	i had a chance to see a sneak preview of city slickers ii on campus last night . i went in with the expectation of a film with the similar flavor which made the original such a success : personal growth and insightful humor about life . i came away somewhat disappointed in this regard , getting some of the latter and not much of the former . the basic plot revolves around billy crystal , who plays mitch robbins , turning forty . he's now become the station manager of the radio station in which he worked in the original . he's given a job at the radio station to his best friend , played by daniel stern , out of sympathy while stern's character works through his divorce . his loser younger brother ( john lovitz ) comes to mitch's house to bum a money and place to live , all while mitch and his wife try to celebrate his birthday . during the celebration , mitch discovers what appears to be a treasure map in curly's ( the cattle drive leader in the original played by jack palance ) old hat . after a business trip to las vegas , crystal , stern , and lovitz stay a few extra days to go off in search of the treasure . on the way , they run into curly's twin brother , duke , played by ( you know who ) jack palance . first of all , the cinematography was beautifully done , especially the outdoor scenes in the desert . the scenes are such that i would like to see some of those sights filmed myself . there is some character development during the film . the actors remain true to their characters and play them well , without overplaying the jokes . the movie is a good basic adventure , with enough plot twists to provide for an ending that is difficult to predict . the movie is paced well , but with a couple slow spots in the middle and towards the end . humor-wise , the film has a good number of jokes which maintained my interest throughout the film . there are memorable moments like when stern is bitten by a snake , but there are fewer jokes to laugh at in the sequel ( surprise , surprise for a sequel , right ? ) . however , the slight bitter aftertaste i have with this film has to do mainly with the film's manipulation of the audience . the film tries to pull your heart-strings too much regarding how close the characters are to each other , like when mitch had decided to suck the snake marrow out of his best friend's butt . this is done again when the gang meets up with some members of the cattle drive group from the original . there were also some parts which appeared unrealistic , like whether the stampede would start in the way it did or why they didn't worry more about water while tromping around the desert . some strenuous stretches of the imagination are required here . since the objective of the gang is to find gold and get rich ( unlike finding themselves in middle age like in the original ) , i also found it harder to empathize with the characters during their journey . overall , i'd say that the film is an entertaining and humorous adventure with some story-line deficiencies making it less worthy than the original . it may be worth the full price of admission , but a matinee would be a better bargain .
137	pos	capsule : earthy , experimental , difficult , shockingly frank ( even for 1997 ! ) , and ultimately refreshing story of a black man on the run from the cops . the first few minutes of sweet sweetback's baad asssss song ( yes , i checked -- that's the correct number of ss ) are without dialogue , just eerie montages of sounds . a young boy , obviously malnourished , is taken in and fed up by several loving mother-surrogate figures . then one of them takes the boy to bed for a sexual initation ( underneath the title credits ) that's far more confrontatory and shocking than any ten basic instincts -- probably because it has the directness and clumsiness of real life , something we're not used to seeing on screen . this is one tough movie to swallow , no matter who you are , but that probably reflects more on how pallid and unchallenging movies have gotten lately . ( i suspect the sex scenes in movies like el topo and salo would probably melt the synapses of most modern audiences . ) the plot is simple but not simpleminded . sweetback , hassled by two white cops who are apparently just looking for an excuse to beat up on a black man , breaks his bonds and runs like hell . along the way he moves through a good many of the kinds of environments that we are only just now being seen in a more serious light in the movies -- or at all , for that matter : the slums , the missions , the ghetto . in other , lesser , movies , sweetback would be machine-gunning everything in sight and the end credits would roll over a pile of bodies ; in this one , we get taken on a kind of a tour of the depressing and anarchic world that sweetback takes for granted . ssbas first appeared in 1971 and was promptly rated x ( " by an all-white jury " , as director melvin van peebles crowed in his legendary ad campaigns ) , and it's hardly surprising why . there's a good deal of sex in the movie , but it's handled in a way that's unsettlingly frank -- a frankness that spills over into the rest of the movie . in one scene , sweetback visits a friend's house in the hope of getting sanctuary there , and the other man chats him up while on the toilet . we're not used to coming this close to people in real life , let alone in the movies -- especially not people who are not made out to be glamorous . the movie is also full of experimental stylistics that are relatively unused today , but probably because of that seem curiously fresh and new in van peebles' hands . one scene , in which a man is interrogated by the cops , is loaded full of menacing energy as they fire off a gun inches from his ears , and suggest his deafness through a cleverly edited soundtrack . another note : ssbas is not so much anti-white ( that would be too easy ) as anti-authority , and as the movie goes on to demonstrate , authority exists in many forms -- governments , churches , and even the paranoid inside of one's own mind . ssbas is ultimately about thirsting for freedom -- and it looks like we could use a little more of that in our movie diet , god knows .
138	pos	the happy bastard's 30-second review big daddy happy gilmore as a father ? of course ! that's the latest scenario presented by adam sandler in the new movie big daddy , a movie that's passable but isn't really considered some of sandler's best work . he doesn't actually play happy gilmore in the movie , but a variation of him . he's sonny coufax , a man who's living off a settlement he got for a cab running over his foot and his one-day-a-week gig as a tollbooth man ( tollbooth willie ? ) . his girlfriend ( kristy swanson ) is fed up with his lifestyle and demands a change before she leaves him . enter a 5-year old kid , who's mysteriously dropped at his doorstep and intended for his preppy roommate ( jon stewart ) , who's off in china on a business trip . from there , coufax basically acts as the kid's father , teaching him different things like peeing on the side of a building and tripping up skateboarders with sticks . he even manages to use the kid in a sort of con game to get the attention of a beautiful law office worker ( joey lauren adams ) , but , somehow , he also garners the attention of social services , who aren't particularly pleased with coufax's actions , as he pretends to be his roommate to keep the kid . the reason i say it's not really sandler's best work is because it gets really sappy towards the end of a movie , showing some odd feelings that somehow didn't really belong in a sandler vehicle . i mean , it fits the movie's tone and everything , and sandler handles it well , but it's just oddly placed , that's all . fortunately , it doesn't destroy the goofy glee path it's been following and it still makes you feel good . sandler does a good job here , as he does in most of his movies . rob schneider , however , is irritating as his friend , an immigrant delivery boy who can't read . stewart , in his minor time on screen , is great , and adams remains a joy to watch . look for steve buscemi as well as a homeless bum . he's a hoot . directed by dennis dugan ( director of happy gilmore ) , the movie remains a good couple of hours to pass the time with . again , there are faults , but , hey , everyone needs to get emotional sometimes .
139	neg	hollywood never fails to astound me . every time i think those coked-up little buggers have hit rock bottom ; they come up with a new excavating tool . i was truly convinced that " wild wild west " marked 1999 studio filmmaking at its most hapless , but then along comes " end of days " to prove me wrong . this big budget , brain dead apocalyptic thriller bludgeons its audience with overwrought music , grisly violence , explosions galore and lots of cheesy special effects . the result ? nothing but groans and yawns . even the devil himself is unable to produce a decent scare in this festival of the inept . at the very least , " end of days " should have done us the courtesy of being bad-enough-to-be-good , but it can't even manage that . it's just lousy . arnold schwarzenegger , still recovering from heart problems and " batman & robin , " plays an ex-cop turned security agent or bodyguard or something . along with his obligatory comic relief partner ( kevin pollak , impersonating matthew perry's chandler character from " friends " ) , he gets involved in some major league supernatural hoodoo . it seems that satan ( gabriel byrne ) gets a shot at world domination only once every thousand years ( and here i thought he'd pulled it off with the republican landslide of '94 ) . if he has sex with 20-year old christine york ( robin tunney ) , " the chosen one , " their child will be the antichrist , or at least a brat . ah , but this deal has more catches than a new year's eve pass from a halfway house . the unholy union must take place on december 31 , 1999 ( you see , 999 is just 666 turned upside down ) , but only between 11 p . m . and midnight ( no wonder this guy is so cranky ) . and if the chosen one is given refuge in a church , the devil won't know where she is , because he can't see into the sanctuary . you know , it's kind of like superman's x-ray vision and lead walls , only evil . a group of guerrilla catholic priests decide the best way to stop the situation is by killing the girl . arnold chooses to save the girl and kick the hell out of satan , if you'll pardon the expression . and kevin meets up with an exploding van and has to make some decisions of his own . oh , the anguish ! oh , the humanity ! oh , the writing ! andrew w . marlowe's screenplay ladles implausibility upon implausibility , from the preposterous otherworldly histrionics to his handling of jericho cane , schwarzenegger's character . cane starts the film a la mel gibson in the first " lethal weapon , " preparing to put a gun in his mouth due to ongoing despondence over the murder of his wife and daughter . twenty minutes later , he's racing through the bowels of new york city , deciphering clues that sherlock holmes and kreskin would find baffling . when cane meets up with christine york , he instantly switches to terminator father figure mode , with the young woman serving as surrogate daughter . in case anyone misses the connection , the camera comes in for a close up of christine's music box , which just happens to be identical to one owned by cane's daughter . subtle , marlowe , subtle . speaking of cameras , director peter hyams is just the man to take marlowe's script and make it even more self-important , murky and annoying . hyams' direction shows all the subtlety of a gwar video , with cane running a gauntlet of ridiculous action set pieces , punctuated with loads of big explosions . eager to satisfy arnold's core audience , he even throws in a few pairs of breasts as well . what a guy . had the film delivered some decent scares , or even maintained a consistently ominous tone , the bombastic clich ? s might have been tolerable , but " end of days " is simply a flaccid special effects show . the cast is just as ineffective . in his early scenes , gabriel byrne attempts to invest beelzebub with some panache , but he all too soon turns into just another standard issue monster . kevin pollak comes and goes quickly , robin tunney comes off like a bargain basement winona ryder and as for arnold , well ? he's a better actor than casper van dien . that should count for something . way back in the aftermath " the exorcist " and " the omen , " supernatural swill like " end of days " might have passed muster as a b-movie . but that was then and this is now . " the x-files " and " buffy the vampire slayer " deliver real scares on a weekly basis and , if we want to see the devil , all we have to do is flip on " the 700 club " and take a gander at pat robertson's grinning maw . after enduring " end of days , " all i can say is " get thee behind me , satan . and while you're at it , get thee a better agent as well . "
140	neg	this is your definitive " hollywood " movie , extremely predictable , following the basic formula ( a horrible ending ) , overzealous writing ( meaning the writing was bad and seemed as if it were trying too hard to make it exciting , therefore making it look as if many things were merely tossed in there to fill space ) and if tommy lee jones and his lovable wise-ass character ( of which we've seen before in the fugitive and quite frankly , wasn't used enough here ) , i'm afraid the film would have been completely unbearable . in this film , ashley judd plays a women who is wrongfully convicted of killing her husband while out sailing for a weekend . while in jail she finds out that her husband really is alive and that he framed the murder on her . over money ( how original ) . while in jail she works out , exercises and basically does her best to get into near perfect condition . now she has learned about a law titled " double jeopardy " stating that if she serves her full sentence and get out she could kill her husband and the law could not touch her ( although there has been talk that this is not the way the actual law works ) . now her po ( parole officer ) , and a bunch of cops are chasing after her and are conflicted whether or not to believe her claims . skipping over to the acting : the fact that judd is more of a looker than an actress ( no offense , she has been good [simon birch] and even very good to great [kiss the girls] at times , in the past and i believe may have the potential to be better . . . but she's terribly unconvincing in this and her performance seems stale and unsatisfying ) doesn't really add to the movie at all ; just takes away . as i'd said , jones was fine , although he did not have much to work with . he was much more of a supporting character . which is fine , and he handled it well ; especially considering the material he had to work with . i feel this film had alot going for it . originality not being an issue . the acting was the only thing ( as i said ) keeping it alive . the plot seemed pretty intriguing and could have been as well if applied better . the action scenes were well made ( however sometimes out of place ) . i was just left unsatisfied in the long run . so basically some of the action may have been exciting but genuinely over-thought , the plot has certainly been done before ( generally speaking ) , the movie moves way too fast for us to get involved in either the characters or the plot , and is basically a film that was almost saved by tommy lee jones , who if he had some more screentime , could perhaps have earned the film a higher rating ; in my book , anyway . keep this in mind , if you're in the mood for a good action film -- rent the fugitive . d+
141	pos	for those of us who weren't yet born when the 1960's rock 'n' rolled around , monterey pop affords an affectionate glimpse of the music that influenced our parents to be hippies . from otis redding to jimi hendrix , janis joplin to the mamas and the papas , and jefferson airplane to the who , this documentary is jam-packed with contagious energy . but i give fair warning that i will reveal the ending , which does not do the rest of the film the justice it deserves . shot in 1969 at an outdoor concert that precluded woodstock , the film defies the stereotype of the general population at the time . sure , some have painted their faces and smoke joints , but d . a . pennebaker ( the war room , moon over broadway ) surprisingly chooses to show a broad spectrum of the audience . no matter who is watching , it all comes back to the talented musicians that stir your soul . the excitement starts before the music even begins . a young girl is cleaning thousands of seats and when asked why by an interviewer , she replies that she feels lucky to do so . there are moments of organized craziness as john phillips , leader of the mamas and the papas and one of the concert organizers , tries to get in touch with dionne warwick . and when one band is tuning up , a member remarks , " finally , a decent sound system ! " you can tell just by watching these first few moments that this show isn't about vanity , it's about playing the music you love to those who have an appreciation for it , a two-way street . this interaction between audience and performer continues throughout the film and becomes infectious to the audience . it's impossible to tear your eyes away from janis joplin as she belts out her ballad about love being a ball and chain . and while the lyrics to " wild thing " may not be all that complicated , watching jimi hendrix mime having sex with his guitar is as captivating as otis redding singing about love . even if you don't recognize every band you see on stage , you can imagine being as enthralled by their work as the public sitting in those seats . the only drawback to the film is the ending , which unfortunately i must reveal . all the other bands , big names then and still today , got approximately 7 to 10 minutes of screen time . in contrast , the last band on camera , a wholly forgettable one , gets an entire 18 minutes of screen time . for a film that's only 78 minutes long , that's too large of a chunk , especially when previous acts are much more stimulating . all in all , monterey pop is a precious , rare look at a time period that still holds sway over us . the variety of music , as well as the beautifully shot performances , are easy to become immersed in . if there was ever any question as to why most of these bands were so popular , this is quickly dispelled . it's almost depressing to think that music this moving doesn't get made much anymore . instead we're stuck with * nsync , the backstreet boys , and jennifer lopez , all of whom should have stuck with modeling .
142	pos
143	neg	there's a good , and timely , story trapped deep within the excess of murder in the first , a new movie about the abuses of our prison system . with a country wrapped up in feverish debate over the crime issue and the rights of the accused and the incarcerated in jeopardy , this expose would offer something rare to recent american movies--a point of view . but director marc rocco makes it clear from the beginning that pretentious , often nauseating , camera movements and slick , mtv- style lighting and editing are far more important . there's not a moment in the picture where he surrenders technique for pure storytelling . and everything suffers . christian slater and kevin bacon star as defense attorney and alcatraz inmate , respectively . after spending an unprecedented amount of time in an isolated cell for attempting to escape , bacon murders another prisoner and faces trial . his young lawyer ( slater ) is fresh out of law school but determined to " put alcatraz on trial " for the abuses of it warden ( gary oldman ) . the result is the usual courtroom theatrics- imagine a stanley kramer production shot by hyperactive film school students . there's very little to praise here outside of kevin bacon's earnest overacting and the appropriate story . there's a lot of overacting from everyone--you know you're in trouble right away when r . lee ermey ( the drill sergeant in full metal jacket ) is cast as a judge , the center of reason and moderation . slater has never been convincing and certainly isn't here and oldman is on a bad streak of hammy performances . but the worst feeling you get while watching murder in the first is that the man behind the camera could care less about telling a good story . there are long exchanges of dialogue where the camera is not even moving near the characters , let alone with them . how frustrating it must be for actors to work under these conditions . if there's anything that has alway distinguished american films over the rest of the world , it is our ability to tell a good story . have we forgotten ?
144	neg	the original _babe_ was my favorite movie of 1995 , a sleeper hit that transcended its target audience . being a surprise commercial and critical success , it had no marketing tie-ins , which limited its final take . thus , babe 2 arrives , with a budget greater than the money made in babe 1 . plush dolls , vending machines hawking t-shirts , and macy's thanksgiving day balloons arrive for holiday money-grubbing . too late . this is a sad review to write , because babe 2 not only does _not_ live up to the original , but it doesn't even come to a fraction of it . i shouldn't expect that sequels to modern fairy tales to match their predecessors' magic , but this film tries too hard , and loses its charm . consider a driver applying the accelerator with great intensity , unaware that his car is in neutral . imagine with me , if you will , _scream_'s jamie kennedy , explaining the " rules " for sequels like babe 2 . ( 1 ) there must be _more_ talking animals . ( 2 ) there must be _more_ slapstick comedy . ( 3 ) there must be _more_ songs for those mice to sing : that's cute . ( 4 ) keep the story cards to break up the action : that's cute too , even though " the pig gets wise " made no sense , given the context of that story partition . ( 5 ) there must be action , however illogical , that will conjure up pivotal scenes from the original : the trademark song that nobody remembers the words to , the baa-ram-ewe secret code , the " that'll do , pig . that'll do . " now throw in the limitations : ( a ) james cromwell , now a hot commodity , has limited time on the set ( or maybe he didn't approve of the script ) . ( b ) christine cavanaugh , the voice of the original babe , demands more money ( $200 , 000--paltry considering the $80 million budget ) . out . e . g . daily comes in with noticable results . ( c ) george miller , the director , is more well-known for his dark futuristic mad max films and his twilight zone segment , not for kiddie fare ( and no , he didn't direct that _andre_ film in '94 ) . ( d ) the special effects are impressive , _but limited_ . babe talks , but most of the time from a single shot , repeated over and over again . ( babe is center screen , looking straight into the camera , with a happy smirk--regardless of whether he's happy , or scared , or tired ) . season now with the " original " elements , which , as we will find out , are straight from the screenwriting-is-hell bin . ( i ) change the venue into " the big city " . this has been praised as wildly original . excuse me : didn't _home alone_ do this several years ago ? how about the muppets ? even _the bad news bears_ travelled to tokyo . sorry . no dice . side note : to give the city a fairy-tale look , george miller crafted a fantastical fantasyland that merges the landmarks of the world's great cities , and yes , it _is_ impressive . but this too is over-used , repeating the same view over and again on multiple occasions . and , for the most part , babe _remains in the hotel_ . ( ii ) given the limitations of cromwell , the human element is taken over by " the boss' wife " played by magda szubanski . s-t-r-e-t-c-h . she's not a lead actress-type , she's not funny enough in her physical comedy , and she's simply embarrassing in some of her pratfalls . ( have her arrested falsely on drug charges ! have her accidentally incite a riot with biker dudes and scantily clad babes ! have her bounce around on a bungee cord at a prestigious benefit dinner ! ) i was hoping for a little smirk during these scenes , but i felt sorry for the embarrassment that she put herself in . i am restraining myself from talking about the dark nature of the film , the violence , the scene where a pit bull dangles from the bridge , head submerged underwater . even the best fairy tales have a bit of the macabre in it , as the brothers grimm have demonstrated . no . . . my problem is with the story , or lack thereof . _babe_ is sent out to save the hoggett farm , but once in the city , that story is forgotten . being a good-natured pig in the midst of the cynicism of his environs is nice , but , other than rescue that aforementioned pit bull , what did babe actually _do_ ? without giving the ending away , the farm is saved from a left-field quirk that had nothing to do with the pig . speaking of " pig " , or , " pig-pig-pig-pig-pig ! " . the word " pig " is so overused , had they changed it to an expletive , and had the pig be al pacino , i could have been watching _scarface_ . this is screenwriting ? further , i cannot explain the deep gnaw at my gut in the many scenes where accidents happen to good people in fantastically elaborate setups . had it been a cartoon , and the victim be an equivalent of elmer fudd , maybe my reaction would have been softened . but to farmer hoggett ? his wife ? an elderly mickey rooney ? much too irreverent . ( " quick ! splice those singing mice into those scenes ! " ) . the film isn't a colossal failure . i did like glenne headley's schmoozy chimpanzee . i liked the pink poodle . the dog on the cart , who momentarily thinks he's in dog heaven . and a weird looking guy who may have been doubly-cast as an airport employee and a judge . but most of the time , i was looking down , in boredom , or in embarrassment over the hacked-up script . them singing mice , those chapter partitions , the proficient acting of the animals-- none of these can compensate for a story . let me spoil the final scene : farmer hoggett looks at pig , proud , says " that'll do , pig . that'll do . " that's it . hope i didn't ruin it for you . but tell me this : what the heck did that pig _do_ ?
145	pos	while screen adaptations of john irving's novels have been disappointingly uneven , the films have all shared one particular strength : key casting . who can forget john lithgow as roberta muldoon , the transsexual quarterback of " the world according to garp , " or nastassja kinski as susie the bear in " the hotel new hampshire " ? a lot of good casting decisions have gone into the making of " the cider house rules , " an adaptation of irving's poetic 1994 novel about a restless young man called homer wells . among those sound judgments was the decision to have the splendid tobey maguire assume the pivotal role ; the decision to cast michael caine as his mentor and father figure , dr . wilbur larch , the ether-addicted head obstetrician of the st . cloud's orphanage , maine ; and the decision to offer jane alexander and kathy baker supporting roles as his head nurses . then there are the brethren who populate the apple orchard where homer wells finds himself shortly after leaving st . cloud's , including delroy lindo , oscar ? -worthy as the foreman of the migrant work detail that drifts up and down the coast as the seasons take them . there's kate nelligan as the matriarch of the cider house , and charlize theron as candy , the lovely , lonely wife of a wwii bomber pilot ( paul rudd ) sent away on a mission overseas leaving candy to set lobster traps with homer wells , a man who's never seen the ocean before let alone a lobster . am i forgetting anyone ? yes . kieran culkin and paz de la huerta as dissolute orphanage residents who make you sit up and take notice every time they're on the screen . but with " the cider house rules , " the good people decisions don't end with the cast . irving has written his own screenplay in order to get it right this time ( last year's " simon birch , " loosely based on his " a prayer for owen meaney , " was a big-screen example of irving handled sub-standardly ) ; the author appears fleetingly as a stationmaster here . rachel portman , a composer of such sweet and lyrical tenderness , provides a score that's absolutely right for the project--sweet , lyrical , and tender . there's impressive new england photography by oliver stapleton too . last but by no means least is " my life as a dog " director lasse hallstr ? m , who shows enormous skill in pulling this collective together and helping bring irving's marvelously touching story to life . for the many beloved who pass away in " the cider house rules , " it's an extraordinarily life-affirming story . and now , thanks to these talented individuals , it's an extraordinarily life-affirming film .

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